explaining DOWN SYNDROME to my ASD son

[MrsForgetful]

please help me.

ds3 attended a special needs playscheme in the summer and there was a girl there with downsyndrome-and ds3 asked me lots of questions that i thought i answered well.

then this storyline on eastenders started...and when i told ds3 the baby had downsyndrome...he started mimicking the girl at the playscheme.

I reacted very angrily to this and told him off for mocking her etc.and he looked genuinely confused. but still i stood my ground and forbade him ever to do it again.

now...that was right at the start when petal was born...so now a few weeks on...and ds3 is watching Hi5 in tv.

one of the presenters is 'mimicking & mocking' an 'old man' by wearing a hat,glasses and hobbling around using a crackly old voice.
Now ds3 genuinely gets cross and shouts to me in the kitchen that
"he is being very naughty,copying grandads!"
i said
"he's just pretending"
he said (totally to my shock)
"but you wouldn't let me pretend to be (then he named the girl with DS)"

I was speechless...as it suddenly dawned on me that ds3 was serious...he really can not see the difference between him 'copying and demonstrating' what he sees this girl do ,and someone 'copying and demonstrating' what he saw on Hi5.

I hope this makes sense...it is really bugging me...as it to me is anotehr example of how my son has no capacity to play imaginatively...he finds it hard for example to accept that the doodlebops are weraing padded costumes...he says they are real...so i had to find each character on the internet in their 'natural' state to show that they don't look like their stage character all the time.

so please...if you have a child with downs and my son was at your house...could you accept that he was not 'mocking' your child if he copied their behaviour....the same way as on Hi5 the character acted out being a grandad???
If not...what do i do?
As i know now he wasn't doing it to be cruel...and am worried if i make too much then i will inadvertintly being drawing attention to something that he 'just took in his stride'.... cos he loves playing with that girl at the scheme...she cannot talk- but they communicate beautifully....i'm just worried that when he's with her he may copy her- and that would upset her mum...or would it? Would she be glad that he is communicating????

Oh! i hope i am making sense!!!

i try to imagine how i'd feel if somone copied my son flapping or spinning...or the noises he makes......and i know there is a fine line between coppying and mocking...and i suppose as long as i was sure it was not mocking i'd be ok...but just note sure about this...need some help.

Mrs F, have you asked your son how he would feel if someone copied him? If he wouldn't like it, then it's easy to explain why he shouldn't mock the little Down's girl. If he wouldn't care then perhaps you could explain that would upset you and therefore her mum so that's why you asked him not to do it.

To explain the difference between mocking the grandad and mocking a Down's child you could explain that being a grandad is normal, it's what happens to all men when they get old but having Down's is not usual for children, they're a little bit different/special so if you copy them, people might think you're teasing.

In all honesty, I don't think the child's mum or the playscheme staff would have batted an eyelid because they appreciate that the children there are all 'special' and make allowances but it's good to be able to give him a good understanding of the situation.

yes...no matter how hard i try i am NOT comfortable with what he did..no matter how innocent...and what you said about the grandad pretend play makes sense...so i will try again!

It has really worried me this...and i am glad noone has bitten my head off (yet)...as i cannot be sure that i have posted clearly....

also something else occured to me too..would a younger NT sibling see what an older SN sibling did and 'copy'...innocently in the same way theyed try to copy an NT sibling.....as ds3 does tend to do that...so got me thinking now that i am really going to have to work on this one...cos copying is ingrained into him.(scares me too...cos he copies without thought of consequence- so few months back got shut in a large recycling bin...cos someone else did it first.)

the short answer no - he has sn too and I would think that it was part of his behaviour iyswim. I think in the context too as you have said he loved playing with her - the mum could possibly see that it was not meant as a form of mocking.

both my dds copy each other. With behaviours that we are working on with dd1 - we just make sure we try to work on phasing it out iyswim. So far nothing too dangerous!!

hope that helps

i mean as the parent I would not be offended. With dd1 copying other behaviours she sees at sn kindy - I just explain that we do not need to do that - that we don't do that in our house and things along that line.

I think as TC said the part about how it upsets you and would upset you if someone did it to him - maybe he can see it from the mum's pov - possibly - if I am rambling just ignore me!

I wouldn't get too worried about it - its hard enough for NT kids to get their heads round DS or "dancing drum" as my niece refers to it.... as in her cousing with DS goes to special school cos she has "dancing drum"! I'm sure as a mum of a child with special needs yourself, you know you could go round the bend if you took offence at everything. I'm glad your boy is friends with her

cousin

thanks both of you....i appreciate your help