Helping DS1 to cope with moving house

[sphil]

Have also posted this on Parenting, but thought I'd repeat it here - may be an SN angle that I haven't considered.

DH has just got a new job and we'll be moving to Somerset in the spring/summer of next year. We've started talking to DS1 about it, thinking that he would like the idea (nearer grandparents and cousins, chance for bigger house and garden, pets etc). Big mistake. He's absolutely adamant that he doesn't want to leave and gets very upset every time we mention it. The latest conversation ended with him saying 'I will kick you and hit you for the rest of my life if you make me leave here'.

I feel as if I've handled it badly - we've been umming and aahing about moving for ages and I think he's been affected by the uncertainty. But the fact is, he now knows it's on the cards and I need to help him to accept and cope with it. I don't know whether this is a normal 5 year old reaction or whether his mild AS-type traits may be playing a part. He doesn't usually react badly to change, mind you - he's a pretty adaptable, independent, 'water off a ducks back' sort of child.

Any ideas? It doesn't help that I'm having regular cold feet about it too! I love it here.

you've done the right thing starting to talk about it now.

we are having our 1st holiday abroad for 10 years next year (courtesy of tesco clubcard deals!)
We began talking about it last year as ds2 hates the thought of flying. he also made many threats...but over time his resistence reduced...to the point now where we are planning what toys etc he will take!

so...you could start a 'transition scrapbook'...include pictures of the new home...maybe his new room...further down the line maybe let him choose wallpapers...stick a sample in his scrapbook...
get family (if willing) to take photos of the familiar places he likes in somerset- and of the family themselves-to reinforce that he is not going to a strange place entirely.

this may be a few months down the line...for now just keep tlking about it... and in time he will adjust to the change.

nearer moving day...get pictures off the internet of people moving house....
get some 'special' boxes for his 'special' belongings a few weeks ahead of the big day...so he can choose what to pack...and keep the boxes in his room etc...so they become part of his belongings...hen when you move let him unpack 'if' he wants too...he may choose to keep the boxes intact whilst he gets used to the room.

as far as those first few nights....either continue to used the bedding he has now...and same bed , furniture etc if it will fit...therefore minimalising anxiety at night.

think along the lines of a 'social story'...we can help if needed!!!

Brilliant ideas MrsF - thank you! Ds1 loves scrapbooks so that's a particularly good one.

also assuming he may have no idea of distance...show him on tv weather maps...include a road map in scrap book...mine love maps!!!

and once you know a date...do a 'count down calender'...but explain to him how 'this could change'
(along the lines of me warning my son when he went back to school today that the school dinner menu may have changed...it may not....it usually does ...some meals are the same...some are not...!!!!! basically covering every variable BEFORE/INCASE it happens!!!!)

None of mine are very bothered about 'change' etc...but when i am 'careless '....and don't 'soften the blow' i get the virtual 'slap round the face' reminder 'rude awakening!'