Academically fantastic .... I just want dd to get through her school day ...

[frazzledbutcalm]

Dd aged 11, ASD, SPD, hypermobility. Started secondary in September gone, in year 7. We get termly reports, the one we've just received says dd is 14th highest in yeargroup academically - there's 175 pupils in her year, so that's fantastic obviously. BUT dd is typical ASD (from what I read on here), struggles with school, doesn't like going, stresses big time. I'm really not bothered where she is academically, I would LOVE for her to be able to go to school without feeling stressed/anxious etc, and to be able to get through her day and feel ok. She'll never 'like' school, but I hope someday she'll be able to be ok about it. School are good overall with dd, I just wish it wasn't all about grades.

I don't expect replies, just mulling over my day/dd/etc.

Yep, I know exactly what you mean frazzled Dd3's school are completely oblivious to what goes into her getting through the day.

They are always telling me how well she is doing and how much the teachers like her!! But they dont notice that she is perfect because she is terrified of breaking the rules!! Or that she may be gliding like a swan on the surface but underneath she is paddling frantically to stay afloat!

So true Ineed .... I'm going to use your swan term in future, it sums up our dc exactly.

I dont think anyone really appreciates what goes on behind the scenes unless they live it!

That is one of the reasons we are probably going to HE for a couple of years. We are exhausted with keeping Dd3 going and it is harmful for all of us!

We are hoping that a complete break from it and then to go back into a smaller environment will give her chance to mentally recover from yrs of struggling!

my dd aged 16 is hypermobile and sn, and is coming home screaming with rage and in tears - she is just so fed up with the teachers not being on top of her SN several teachers not on top of extra time. dd now run out of nails to bite and is chewing the skin off her fingers

I just feel I should have fought harder her, but it seems like it was such hard work to get them to stop telling her off for things that weren't her fault, that I haven't gone granular to check each teacher actually can mange the maths to add 25% extra time - doh.

I think back to every primary school consultation where I asked 1) is she happy 2) how is her social life and 3) what is she like academically. I took my eye off the ball in secondary. If I could have that time over I'd put happiness back up the list.

Ineed ... dd has said I can home school her ... I just don't feel I can. I wouldn't know where to start. She's very academic and I feel I'd be doing her an injustice. But then on the other hand I feel school isn't right for her either!
Sen ... dd1 aged 15 is taking her GCSE's this year. We're fighting for her but can't get her the extra 25% time added I feel we've let her down massively, so have school, but I blame myself the most. Overall, happiness is definitely the most important for me. Ds1 (NT) very academic and happy at school, Dd1 dd2 ds2 all SN not happy at all at school. It's just the worst thing.

my daughter is very similar - she is in year 6 at the moment and having an awful time at the moment - im fighting for specialist schooling for her as she doesn't even have the academics to fall back on so she will fail spectaculary in mainstream secondary - if we fail to win specialist schooling for her , she will be home schooled albeit by one of the online schools that are now available

Its awful isnt it frazzled I couldnt have considered HE'ing Dd3 before because DP could not get his head around the idea but now he feels the same as me.

I am not sure if we will get the academic stuff right, we will be focussing on her mental health and keeping her learning something.

At the moment she is completely turned off learning and so isnt learning much at all.

Be kind to yourself