ASD again

[Pleasepassthewine]

Hi, my DS is 10. He has a diagnosis of high functioning ASD. He's in MS school and has a statement, 20 hours 1:1 support a week. School isn't vety supportive and years 3&4 were extremely hard - pushed us all to breaking point, DS rolling around on floor screaming in anxiety largely due to NQT who was/is useless.

DS is obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario. This worked when his peers were younger but they have moved on but he has not. Because of this, and school being crap, he's now completely isolated, has no friends at all, no social life etc

The school have blamed this on his obsessions, obviously deflecting any blame from themselves.

To complicate matters further, dh has a new job and is working away, just back at weekends. I have no support at all (seriously absolutely none) with my kids (dd is a very demanding 6year old). I also have a severely disabled dad and am recovering from severe depression. So we're moving area to be with dh. I'm obviously worried about how this will be for all of us, especially DS, new school etc, new support. I just don't know how best to support DS. He knows he has autism and tries hard to hide it. He just wants to be one of the gang.

He's a gentle soul, not violent or aggressive. The other kids frequently take the piss out of him, in front of me, makes my blood boil. I think he needs to 'man up', get into stuff that other boys are into (what the hell are ten year old boys into?). I feel so naive and foolish, I feel I've let him down. I could just weep for him. How on earth will he cope? It's hard being a child with autism but it's also hard being an autism parent ??

Enough to keep you going? We have our own virtual pub on SN chat, the Goose and Carrot. You'll find that you're far from alone.

DS1 is 11 and is now doing well in a specialist school after struggling in a mainstream school that actually did try hard to be supportive in much the same way as your DS. We did notice the social gulf growing ever wider in the first couple of years of juniors.

Lego and minecraft are popular with the other boys in DS1's class. If you've never seen it before, minecraft is pretty much virtual lego. With explosions!

Manning up is a horrible expression, though. It just describes a pressure to conform to a stereotype. His problem isn't so much that his tastes are a bit young, is that other kids are being cruel and no one seems to be teaching them kindness and tolerance.

Lots of kids with ASD/ASC find friendship groups with their own aged peers tough - and years 3 and 4 are when body language starts to come thick and fast.

If you can get ds to tell on kids who are mean, that is a great result, even if you have to go with him. If they are doing it in front of you, then I would reprimand them myself or ask their accompanying adult to do so. They need to learn that taunting people who do things a little differently is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE, and the sooner they learn that, the better.

Plenty of ASD/ASC kids find it works better to mix with younger kids, maybe helping with a club with younger kids - or an older child who will take him under their wing.

And, for moving, if you can suss out local ASD support groups then he could meet other kids who may have some things in common like playing games with clear rules. Actually NAS has a helpline just to talk through ASD related problems as well, and they can sometimes sort people to help out at home if you need more hands on deck.

BUT my main thought is that he is coming up for transition to secondary. If he has problems with social communication, what is the school doing about it? Have they consulted a SALT and produced weekly small group social skills training? The aim is to be able to learn to navigate mainstream conversation, like staying on a topic chosen by someone else.

If he hasn't got this, then you could ask school or GP to refer, or is you have a lottery win and have some hundreds to spare, you could get an independent SALT to assess him and recommend appropriate approaches and interventions.

Last thought, would he be better off if some of the one to one was there for him in playtimes and lunch times?

Hang in there,

If the school is "blaming" his problems on his obsessions, that is a serious cop-out. The obsessions are part of his condition, if they claim to be able to meet his needs then the needs resulting from those obsessions are something they have to be able to deal with. So moving schools may well be good for him, especially if you can find one that actually understands autism. As senvet says, local support groups could be a very useful source of information. Are there schools any near your new address with ASD units?

This is like reading a description of my Dd, she has dyspraxia, ASD and general learning delay. She is obsessed with Mario and Theme parks. All she talks and thinks about. Also is much happier with younger kids. The school has been great they started a chill out club at lunchtime so she's not out for an hour getting wound up. Unfortunately kids can be really mean, finding a weakness and pushing it. Sorry not much help but just wanted u to know you're not alone. BTW she has got into a SN secondary school because as was said the gap between them and their peers keeps getting wider. Good luck