Honks, help, advice please ............. sensitive crying ds

[frazzledbutcalm]

I'm struggling atm. We have 4dc aged 21, 15, 11, 10. 3 of them are SN. I feel like I'm at breaking point :-(
2 of them are emotional wrecks and I'm just exhausted. Problems tonight is ds2 aged 10. He has sensory processing disorder and hypermobility. Senco has referred him for help at my request. School nurse has been out and is referring to paediatrician, OT and primary mental health with a view to being then passes on to CYPS. This all can't come soon enough for us. Ds is crying almost every night over school issues. Tonight he's crying because of a dance festival they're doing at school next week. I've told him he doesn't have to do it. He knows that myself and school won't make him do it and he can choose not to take part. Second issue bothering him tonight is his hypermobile wrists and how they hurt when he writes at school. He does some work on the computer but isn't able to do all due to the nature of the lesson or work involved. He's trying out different pencil grips, they help but don't solve the problem fully. Tonight he's crying because other pupils are laughing at him in class for using the grips. I don't know what to do for him anymore, how to make him feel better or how to help him feel not so sensitive :-(
All advice appreciated.

Age 10 is when being identical to everyone else in class is suddenly crucially important and when the writing burden starts to go up.

And hormones start to run which make the joints floppier to allow the bones to grow so the pain comes quicker than it did before,

Poor old dc.

So maybe ask the school to send notes home and to give him some space to look like everyone else at school. Then allow him to use laptop at home to write up anything he didn't have time to complete in class. Or would he let you write for him at home?

I think schools generally want to be aware when dcs are stressed, and some have some solutions like informal counselling to help dcs to learn how to handle being different and how to report taunts etc.

My ds has dyspraxia and dd hypermobility and touch typing was essential for both, as was self esteem training/support.

Concentrating on strengths helped ds, martial arts in his case.

dd is hypermobile and a couple of specific difficulties, now 16 and facing gcse exams. She is not 100% at ease with her sen - mostly diagnosed only a year ago, but is coping OK. Friends don't tease her, but she still finds being difficult or not being understood is a wind up. She is making progress, and will get there before long I think

Thanks sen and zzz
Dance festival is now cancelled ... PE teacher forgot to register ds class ... but good news for us! Ds knew he didn't have to go, but maybe I shouldn't have left him with the choice? I'll know for next time.
School are being very supportive of his hypermobility and anxiety. He does some work on the school computers and does some homework on our laptop. Some work obviously can't be done on computers. sen .. my older dd is 15 and doing her GCSE's this year. She's only been dx a year ago with SPD, we're also now querying ASD. She also doesn't like being different or acknowledging her SN :-(
zzz .. I love your description of 'juicey felt tip' - there's just something so lovely about it! Never thought of heat for his wrists!
We talked last night about him not changing his orthotic insoles between his school shoes and PE trainers. He said he didn't want others to notice them, we talked further and it was mainly because he didn't know what to say about them. I told him if anyone asks just say your legs get sore and these help them to be not so sore. That's it, job done! He's ok now he knows what to say. So I wonder if some of his sensitivities are because he doesn't know what to say to others if they say/ask anything....