How do I help my daughter grow and develop when she doesn't let me? :(

[Nancyclancy]

My dd aged 3 yrs 10 months is possibly Autistic/Aspergers.
What I find hard to cope with is her mood swings. I feel like we're treading on egg shells constantly and it's really beginning to have an impact on my marriage and my other children.

Basically we are stuck at home. Taking her out now makes me anxious. She's fine shopping as long as she's in a pushchair/being carried (me only). But if it's a day out or visiting friends or a simple trip to the park all hell breaks loose.
She just cries/screams. I am happy for her to just sit on my lap and not go off but she just continues.
We've decided not to go on holiday as I just can't face it, this then makes dh angry. I feel guilty towards my other dc and feel their childhood is being overlooked.

I just can't see a way forward. I can't ask for help from my mother or inlaws because they think she's just naughty and needs smacking/disciplining.

My dd's development is behind but I've no way of helping her.
She currently goes to pre school which she enjoys and she likes the other children which is great. She's going to school in Sept but I'm not sure if this is going to make things worse.
I'm so alone. All the decision making
Is on me and I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I'm scared of damaging her mentally and have thought about deferring school but as she is familiar with the kids she's going with, I don't know if that would make things worse.

Or do I have to accept the fact that this is life now and we just have to do things separately, one of us at home whilst the other does something with the older dc??

Thanks for your reply. I've clans down a bit now.
I worry about whether or not I should be subjecting her to things.

When we first got to the park she was already upset because she wanted me to carry her, but my dh was carrying her because my arms were aching. (Should've taken pushchair).
She calmed down about 10 mins after arriving at park and went on the swings. Then she started moaning again about 10 mins after. But then it was chilly and to be fair she had been good before hand and was fine when we got back to the car.
So it could have just been that she was just having a strop. I'm just finding it hard not to over think things!

How are you getting along with a diagnosis?

Remember the National Autistic Society has help via groups and telephone helplines, and the folk on these boards are great

Hang on to your holiday, but pick one that will keep your stress down if dc has a melt down.

There are some learning disability holiday centres and websites. Calvert Trust springs to mind, or just a holiday hose that is sufficiently remote that you won't get complaints of dc melts down.

I think Open Britain even has an assessment for ASD friendly properties, but I would need to check.

Or try Tourism for All, I think they may do ASD as one of their categories - sorry not to be sure about it!