residential special school

[3littleducksgoquackquackquackers]

With a heavy heart we have agreed to a residential placement for our son's schooling.

He has multiple disabilities and we receive DLA and child benefit for him. Am I correct in thinking that we need to inform the authorities as these will all stop once he is in his school?

He is going as a weekly placement : Sunday night to Friday afternoon, so home for the weekends and holidays.

Any advice on how we cope both with the emotions around this and the practicalities that we need to sort out. Know no one in the same situation.

The few people I've told have been shocked that we are sending him. No one understands how hard things have been and that we just want the best for him.

No one seems to realise what a heart breaking decision this has been. There are no local schools or support services that can offer what he needs but people seem intent on seeing us as giving up and failing him.

It's breaking my heart the thought of him not being with us, but I know it is the only option left.

Are there any forums anyone knows of that are for patents of disabled children in residential schools? Feel so alone.

If your Ds needs the support provided by the residential school then you are doing absolutely the right thing. No one should tell you otherwise. Unfortunately, residential school often is the only or the best option and it shows how much you are putting his needs first that you recognise this. It must be very hard for you though.

I don't know anything about DLA but I wouldn't think you would lose child benefit; I never heard of anyone losing it when sending their NT child to a boarding school and really the only difference is the LA is paying his fees (though most people with kids at boarding schools these days would earn too much). There are still plenty of costs you will have to bear.

you wont lose child benefit - my friend had a son at fortnightly boarding and she still claimed child benefit and also kept her tax credits as well. dla is more complicated in that you go onto boarder payments so you will still get dla for the days he is home ie weekends and all of the holidays - however im not sure how weekly boarding works as he will be home every weekend and I think the rules mention something about them being at home for at least 35 hours which he would be but im sure someone who knows the rules better will be along soon.

also don't let others opinions upset you - you are doing the right thing for you son.

DS goes to an ASD residential special school, he has been there for three years. So sad that people around you aren't being supportive. In our case, our LA wouldn't agree to paying for it (argued that it was an expensive 'Rolls Royce' type placement) so we felt a sense of triumph when we finally got it agreed, rather than regret. There are many, many families whose DC need such a specialist environment but haven't been able to persuade/force their council into paying for one - most of them have ended up failing in local provision which is inadequate. So you should feel proud that you have managed to secure the best school for your DS and that he is going to get the help he needs.

We still get child benefit and tax credits, and get boarder's payments for DLA (only care is affected so if you have a mobility car you can keep that). The weekends home are sufficient to meet the 35 hours caring for carers allowance if you get that.

Try getting in touch with Contact a Family for support.

Dear quackers,

If it seems right to you, it probably IS right. How old is ds?
I have friends with ds in boarding school at it has had a huge impact on ds.

I am sure no-one realised how hard a time they had at home and how small an impact his day placement was having on his SEN.

I spoke to a parent of a residential school SEN child who said "we can care for her, but we are not experts in how to educate her." I am guessing that you are looking at a similar reason for dc, but apologies if I am barking up the wrong tree.

So if anyone makes remarks again, ask if they would be able to educate dc at home for you, in a way that is totally consistent with the techniques used at day school, even when dc wakes at night....

Or something that hits the spot for dc.

And tell them what you need from them. Most people actually do care, but in situations where they don't know the rules, I think it is fine to tell them. I am a wheelchair user and just tell people what does and doesn't help. So tell them it is really hard and you want [insert whatever eg hug, coffee, gin].

And the weeks will rush by and before you know it Friday afternoon will be round again. And you will have time in the week to draw breath and make the most of them.

Oh - DLA tell them, I think it gets reduced but not removed - he is away at school for roughly half the year - home 3 nights term time and 13/14 weeks holidays

Child Benefit I think stays but NAS has a helpline that deals with benefits and probably loads of other helplines on this too.

Hope this helps

"make the most of them" should have been "make the most of the weekends", sorry