I am in need of some advice and other peoples experiences quickly before tomorrow morning so hope there is somebody who can help about.
What I want to know is what other peoples experiences of TAC meeting are. I will give you the bare bones of my situation for the type of contact I am after.
When ds entered reception his issues where big and I had been trying and failing to get help and input from SALT for sometime and we had been let down by the pre school when it came to recognising his problems where more than 'just' a speech delay. At that point in time DS was sinking.
He had the speech of a 20 month old child, he had no friends, didn't understand how to play or interact with others, was lashing out sometimes out of frustration but more often as a way of 'joining' play with others and other times there would seem no apparent reason and it would come out of the blue. So he was having big struggles and needed big help.
I don't want to get bogged down going through DS and his problems because that isn't really what the thread is about but the above is what lead us to fill in a CAFF and to start doing half termly TAC meetings so that all the agencies that were coming on board for DS could share and be consistent in what we were doing.
DS is now in Y2 and about to turn 7. To cut a long story short he had a multi disciplinary assessment in the September of Y1 which was not helpful in getting a firm diagnosis (too old for the early years testing framework they were using but not able to use language well enough for the more high functioning diagnostic tools - I am probably explaining this very badly!). The result of this was that DS has diagnosis of 'Expressive language disorder' (his speech is now around 5-5.5 year old, better in some areas) 'Sensory processing disorder', mild learning delays (often more about accessing the teaching due to the speech problems, he scored way above average when tested during the MDA until faced with anything more abstract) difficulties with social interaction, and in general is more like a 5 year old than a 7 year old in many areas in particularly behaviourally.
However all that said, he no longer lashes out (less frustration with better speech, able to express a little more about things that put him on edge and he loves rules, the rule is no hitting and he will keep the rule although he is not fully able to understand why, that is improving though!) and is not disruptive in the classroom.
So to the point, we are still having half termly TAC meetings however at this point nobody other than school representatives are attending so each meeting is the homer school link worker for the area, me, his class teacher, the SENCo and the head teacher.
Now I think I can be over sensitive and a little touchy so it is possible that I am not being reasonable in my feelings but to me it has started to feel like I am being judged, patronised and ganged up on. What started out about DS now includes my older Y5 DD who had a speech delay and struggles with her Writing and spelling, he problems are very different to DS, she is not on the 'SEN register' but does have booster groups and does a little 1-1 for her writing each week and they also spend most of their time getting (what feels like to me) over involved in my personal life
I live in a very affluent area, it is a small village primary and the area and school are very sought after.
Just under 6 months ago my marriage ended and I am now a single parent on benefits (because I have a disability I am not able to work even close for full time so will always have to be 'topped up' by the state). Even before my marriage ended we didn't fit into the schools dermagraphic, my husband was earning but we struggled and he was made redundant 2 years ago and it took 10 months before he found work.
At the last TAC meeting DS's needs at school where barely touched on, he is doing okay and he isn't disrupting. They don't seem to care about the social issues as long as he isn't lashing out and he is making progress with his school work. DD's school work was briefly touched on but nothing of substance, just what booster group things she was doing. What was brought up was the fact my bathroom needed replacing and in fact the landlord was all set to do it at half term, the fact I had got the children new bedroom furniture and would be calling the council to arrange collection of the old stuff. The fact DD didn't have any joggers for one PE session due to the fact she had outgrown hers and I was trying to get hold of a pair that fit the uniform (she had new joggers in her bad two days after the meeting).
It all just seems very pointless and while I admit I may be suffering from a persecution complex a little here but judgemental. If my child did not have special needs they would not be poking around my personal life like this!
There is more to the reasons I feel judged but I really want to keep this as short as possible (and could be identifiable). What I really need help with is knowing if this is just one of those things when you have a child with extra needs. I want to know if I can and how easy it would be for me to say I want to stop TAC and please can we just have half termly sit down with the class teacher with the SENCo coming in if there is something in particular.
DS is still under the hospital but won't be re assessed until he is 8 or 9 so only goes once a year just now (but an open door for earlier should I feel the need), he is no longer under OT (similar open door), Ed Psyc has only ever seen him once back on reception, we no longer have a schools nurse in our area and the speech therapist comes to school once a half term and send a report to all and has never come to a TAC since he shifted over from early years in Y1.
I don't think the intention is for this gang up and invade my privacy, sometimes I think they end up doing it just to have something to write down as there just isn't enough happening to justify all this!
Is this normal, can I stop it?