potential school refusal problems, any suggestions appreciated.

[meglet]

6yo dd is gradually getting worse in the mornings. more protesting that she doesn't want to go to school, more screaming and hitting .

bribery isn't really successful, she is allowed to play on her hudl once she's dressed but it's a battle to get that far. I'm organised and everything is laid put for the dc's , uniform out the night before, bags packed, even toothpaste on toothbrushes. but it doesn't stop the protests and crying. I'm limited in how much time I can deal with her, I'm a LP and I have to dash off for work once she's at school. I can't give her loads of time to calm down or dawdle.

shall I speak to her teacher? she's fine at school so it doesn't really affect them. The paediatrician dismissed my concerns last year and said it was just my parenting so I'm on my own. gp is no help either. and her older brother is fine in the morning, bribe him with minecraft, some reminders to hurry up and that boy moves fast.

not sure where to go really. poor dd can't continue to be so stressed every morning.

gosh, that was long. I'm on the app so it's tricky to see what I type!

meglet, Are you me ?

I have four kids with a very anxious 6yo with parenting issues (due to re repeat a parenting course ) every asd trait known to man but no dx

Things I do for my own sanity....

1.Visual timetable with simple morning routine and pictures...out permanently.

1. Tub system...with each child having clean uniform clothes including underwear in a labelled tub. Ready for dressing.

1. Breakfast box with lid ...left out overnight with dry cereal in bowls with spoons and cups of juice (older kids do milk if needed)

1. School bags packed with snacks in box in kitchen ready to go.

All my kids do in the morning is.

A. Eat breakfast
B. Clean teeth
C. Get dressed (longest part)
D. Reward of tv/screens if we are ready in time.

But honestly I still have verbal comments, refusal to get dressed or leave house...it is hard.

One thing I have temporarily helping...is that our school are allowing us to drive onto staff carpark rather than walking (or sitting on the pavement refusing to move) and it is really helping. I still have difficulties but 6yo DS is getting to school on time, for the first time in two years !

Dd2 is in year one we are awaiting assessment for aspergers. She refuses school crying and whining every morning. She has ha a couple of days off due to anxiety but we have no help or advice either sorry! She masks at school so they can't help us either!

My school AND Comm Paed don't believe in masking

Sounds like my 7 year old. Every morning we have crying and wailing with some excuse or other about why she can't go to school.

Todays was that she had a nightmare about school last night and can't go to school in case it comes true.

Last week she couldn't go to school because she felt icky (her words).

Rules here are get dressed and ready before breakfast. If no time for breakfast at home, she can eat a sandwich in the car (we have a 15 mins drive to school).

To be fair she usually gets dressed (slowly) and gets ready (slowly) when told. It's just the crying and screaming that's difficult to cope with (luckily no hitting), her sad little face as she lines up to go into school, her obvious anxiety which makes me worry.

There's very little I can do to make things better for her whilst she's in school. I go in a talk to the teacher a lot when she has a specific worry. I'm sure they're sick of me, but I don't care. I spend time in the evening listening and talking about her worries (they're often extremely trivial sounding to an adult but obviously worry her a lot).

Her school are fairly supportive (to my face!) which helps.

thanks all. I will try the visual timetable babies.

she holds it together at school. I'm the one who has to patch her together in the mornings and evening.

Someone on here says we shouldnt say "school refusal" we should say "Unable to attend due to anxiety" It takes a while to get used to it but it takes the word refusal away which could be thought of as behavioural!!

We are on what I call damage limitation now with Dd3, on days when she can cope, she gets dressed independently and gets ready for school! On days when she cant, she doesnt, she stays at home where she feels safe!

She is the queen of masking and yet and EP met her for the first time last week and withing 5 minutes could see that she was anxious and was struggling!!

You need to protect her mental health meglet above anything else!! School/learning can be done at anytime, damaging her mental health now could be a long term thing

Good luck

meg do you have DLA? It is a grim form to fill in, but with some extra cash, may come a bit of extra help? Bit of a sledgehammer solution but just in case it helps

My dd does have a ds of Generalised anxiety disorder in childhood so on the times she has missed school we have written on the note 'unable to attend due to high levels of anxiety' and the school do tend to sit up and take more notice then

senvet no, nothing. The paed said she was fine, she masked for the hour or so she met her, so I'm on my own.

Ineed that's a better way of thinking about it isn't it. might help me look at it in a different way.

Just read a peice by Dr Tanya Byron in the Times today about a child with ASD and her reluctance to go to school.

She explained the reaction to anxiety was fight or flight, which makes sense.

There is more and more work now on deep pressure being calming, from deliberately carrying a weighted rucksack, to pushing a weighted fire door, or one kid I heard of who did press ups against the wall whenever he felt the need, and some kids who like deep pressure massage just in the palm.

There is a special school that does lots of exercise built in to the school programme to work off extra adrenalin and help calmness.

On Dr Tanya's logic, if you can get the anxiety down, you will reduce the fight/flight.

Sorry the family are not supportive, but keep an eye out for charities - I don't know any of them, but my brain, which is rubbish at names, is saying 'Carers First'.

Maybe repost and see what the veterans recommend

I went to a talk last week and we discussed fight or flight in depth. The clinical psych doing the talk said the sensory issues are often the root cause of the anxiety. If you can solve a few of those it can really help.

There are some good books about sensory issues out there. polter has a list somewhere, you might need to doa thread specifically asking for book recommendations!

You are not on your own on here, there is lots of support.

senvet I have always liked Tanya Byron she is creative and thinks outside the box instead of relying on the traditional parenting strategies that dont work with our kids!!

meglet just noticed that you don't say anything about your family - apologies, I got muddled there.