dd very unhappy going to school.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

She has recently been diagnosed with ASD and movement coordination difficulties she is 8 yo and in yr4.

Dd is often very tired and miserable in the morning, she struggles to wake up, struggles to motivate herself to do anything to get ready. I have to prompt her to eat, brush her teeth, get dressed etc. etc. Get everything ready for her and threaten/ joke/ plead her out of the door to school... She sometimes cries and at least looks very dejected when we get to school. Her head hanging and her voice a dreary monotone. "I am tired, I don't want to go, I want to stay at home'

It is horrible she used to be much happier going but yr4 has been a struggle and the teachers are quite supportive but they aren't there in my house when dd is a puddle of uncooperative child. She does have fun at school, but the way they organise learning is not suiting dd at all it may be too unstructured and vague. Or maybe she is bored. She isn't able to tell me. How do I help her?

Are you under a pead? Do you get dla? Do you see the senco? Have a statement?

Schools are always great at not seeing what you see. I have taken to videoing my ds. He is is a compliant dream at school. As soon as he gets to the car he is far from a dream.

If your having a hard job getting her dressed, out the door to school sounds like you possibly should think of dla. The money could help to get her into some sport to help co ordination or even some gadgets like a pictorial alarm clock, or some visual timetables.

I agree about visual timelines, they made a huge difference to Dd3!

However it sounds like school are not meeting her needs. I think your first step is a meeting with the SENCO to discuss how they can help her to feel better about school and what they are going to do to support her!

Good luck

Thank you for replies

The diagnosis is only from last month so we are still in early stages of understanding what it will mean/ no statement or EHP yet. I am due to meet her teacher tomorrow for parents evening and I need to call the SENCo for an update re. getting an Ed Pysch assessment. DD is under a Paed that is where the initial diagnosis comes from. She is classed as High Achieving ASD (which I understand is Aspergers but the term is not used anymore).

I need to go sort out uniforms now but I will post tomorrow and we shall see if we have yet another poor start. DD was equally miserable coming home today - Monday-itis.

my ASD relative managed OK at mainstream primary until age 8. Apparently the body language suddenly starts to come thicker and faster, and he felt more and more separate from the rest. He went into school slower and slower and then became one of the relatively small percentage of 'bolters' who bolt out of school.

Unmet Special Needs tends to cause and of the following: low self esteem, stress, anxiety, depression, bad behaviour etc etc.

Starting to feel excluded from a peer group can produce any of those too.

For sure other life events can cause these to, but I would take a look at unmet needs via school
For a friendship group, ideally you will find a group with similar special interests (one ASD friend has good relationships at an all age art group as his talent it art) Some people have luck with special needs clubs or friends found via local ASD support groups.

Otherwise helping out with a younger group sometimes works pretty well.

Sorry about the lucky dip nature of this bunch of ideas, but I hope something helps.

Sounds like things are in progress then. Was she on school action? It's not called that now, pathway plan?

Any advice you need on what your senco should be doing, this is the place to ask.

Not all kids needs statements / ehcps but you still need the school to nail down dd needs and how they can help her. If you get that then that's great. If not we can help you I'm sure

There has been no 'action plan' as far as I know but dd has been on the radar for some time - according to the SENCO.

Today was easier - dd got herself dressed (apart from doing up buttons) and went to school without tears - we managed a more cheerful conversation as well - the sun was shining which always helps.

I know dd is not as happy in social situations at school as I would like her to be - she is struggling with her interactions with other children and finds their reactions/ actions mystifying at times. I am just not sure where to start to hep her. She is very able in so many ways but so easily upset and she gets so dejected - I find it hard to know what to say to comfort her when she is down. Then other times she is so joyful.

Hi Bigmouth - you have my fullest sympathies as we are going through this too with DD(8) who was only diagnosed in sept last year. We've come to a conclusion that going to breakfast club mornings are easiest as she hasn't had a chance to get anxious! Seems wrong, but the two mornings we leave at 750 rather than 840 are her most stress free. otherwise she has time to think of wanting to stay home or breed other anxieties. With us, she fixates on her tummy pain and we are needing to get that looked at (I started a thread on tummy pain a few weeks ago). I don't know if the tummy pain is a result of stress for my DD or a source of stress. probably both.

I don't know about you, but it feels like it could all start unraveling from here as girls relationships get more complex, and I feel my gorgeous DD just can't keep up.
Lot's of hand holding required for us parents I think! I have developed a motto to help when I just don't know what to do or say. "just keep cuddling, cuddling , cuddling" to the Nemo song "just keep swimming"..... I just don't know what else to do.

If your child didn't have ASD I would be asking what time they go to sleep.
I know there's stuff re adrenaline etc for ASD, but it's just a thought, as in don't rule out the obvious?

My 10yo has lights out 8:30 wakes 7:30
My 15yo has lights out 9:30 wakes 7:30

When younger, DD1 had massive problems getting to sleep and was always v tired in the mornings. Once we finally cracked it (~age11) she's been much better.