This is a hard one for me, dh works away. Dh is more away than home so I'm very independent. We have 4 dc, middle two have asd.
I have quite firm rules and routines in place and I know what sets my boys off and what disrupts them and to be honest what makes life harder.
When my in laws come to stay, which is rarely pre arranged, we live 9 hours away from them. They drive up to suprise the kids. Thing is Ds aren't keen on suprises and often get upset that they're here. The in laws generally stay two nights, mil has ill health and gets easily worn out and retires to our spare room to rest. She makes a lot of mess, leaves half drunk tea lying around which two year old ds keeps spilling and she doesn't really know the dc because she doesn't visit that often and believes strongly that middle ds are just being boys and that I don't give them enough one on one time. This really winds me up. Plus she wants me to completely change the routine when she visits so she can enjoy the dc, which always ends in disaster.
Pil is very immature and silly and says stupid things to the dc that aren't true like the sea is blue because of the octopuses squirting blue ink into the ocean, eldest ds knows this is not true and gets very upset when pil keeps insisting that it is true, when he finally agrees that pil might be right Pil laughs and says something like aren't kids daft. I have to intervene with pils silly jokey comments all the time. He also winds the boys up until they are very hyperactive and it always ends up with them hurting each other or fighting. This rarely happens when he's not here.
Dh keeps his parents in check when he's here but they never visit when he's here only when he's away. They also had a go at me for filling out a DLA form for the boys. Telling me it was despicable, that I was begging and that my ds were fine and I was the problem not them. I've still not finished filling in the form.
I can't stand either of them, my day to day is exhausting enough without the visit and the fall out from the visit. Ds always struggle when they leave as they turn everything upside down and it takes a lot of patience, and to be honest I have to be quite firm reimplementing rules and routines and I have to give a lot of explanation to get the boys settled again. Dd doesn't enjoy their visits as she sees how hard it is on her brothers and she sees how exhausted it makes me and how upset it makes me.
My pil is very argumentative, opinionated and judgemental with everything I do. He said to me this weekend maybe your dc would be better if you fed them meat, you should let them have more fun and be more imaginative. But my kids are both those things. They are independent and creative and amazing.
I'm sorry this is so long but how do you manage outsiders, I just spend the whole time they're here doing extra work looking after two more people and keeping dc in check. It's not enjoyable or restful.
Thank you for reading, I really needed a moan.