'Bullying' Meeting School's DH

[MadameSin]

DS is 11, dyslexic and mild ADHD and in mainstream education, coping brilliantly. Long story short but, ds was being cyber bullied by a boy at his school last October. We blocked him from any access via social media and DS's phone, as he got a text that was rather unsavoury as well. We know the child from outside school ie: rugby club and he lives in next road to us. Ds thought it would be a good idea to befriend him as they were starting same senior school together. Since starting the other lad has been dishing out low level verbal stuff e.g.: comments like fatty, retard, gay and same on the both school and club rugby pitches. Our advice has been to ignore him hoping it would go away .. However, here we are 5 months later and it continues. We just can't work out why he's doing it. My ds is fairly non aggressive and although his big brother has advised him to give him a punch on the nose (cough, cough), he would never be able to bring himself to act in that way at the moment, but I'm also worried he will lose it with this lad and do just that. He has been very, very happy in his new school, but at half term he made a comment about no wanting to go back and my heart sank. I asked him why and he said he wanted me to talk to school about this boys behaviour towards him. So, here's my questions: I have a meeting with school DH and I'm not sure where to start or what I want them to do about it ... that sounds wimpy, but I've never been in this situation before but am sure they would have. I have screen shots of all the cyber stuff and other incidents outside school. I just need them to advise me how to counsel my son in how to deal with it .... any experience out there and should I make notes to take on with me so I don't 'faff'? Ta

yes. ds was bullied and wanted me to sort it. It was just one lad, and the school were wonderful, they wanted to know and wanted to act. They were very reassuring. The name of the child doing the bullying was known to them, and they regarded their job as two parts, part one to reassure ds, and part 2 to help the lad who was bullying to get his head straight.

The kid bullying your ds may have all sorts of issues which the school know about, or which your information may help to illuminate for the first time. Either way, they would rather know, unless they are completely out of line with current thinking.

Lots of mums want to know if their kids are doing mean things. At an earlier stage ds had said something to a boy with a different number of fingers, and upset him. The mum told me that she had reprimanded him and I said 'good, thank you, and I'm sorry it happened'.

And still the same ds was later with a group of kids some of whom were name calling on lad. ds was called up on it by the school. He was really upset with himself, spent loads of his pocket money getting the lad a gift and looked out for him for the next 2 years.

I think the worst you have to fear is the school saying 'I wish you had told us earlier'. But better late than never - if your ds had been OK until now, then now is a good time to be talking to them.

Good Luck

And tell the rugby club too. The coach should be on look out and 'bench' the boy if he does this. There was a boy at football club that was rude to others when they made mistake etc (to be fair it was obvious from his dad on the sidelines where he got it from). He was one of the best players and got frustrated with the others. Several parents complained (about him and his dad!). Both were warned and every time the boy did it he was substituted and benched until he turned his behaviour round. One week the 3 best players who had been making comments were all kept on the bench to show that no one was more important than the team. A good coach won't want this on his team and will see it as part of their job to stop it. I'd tell both as otherwise if school crack down it may escalate at rugby if he thinks he can get away with it there.

Senvet & Agnes thanks for your replies. The meeting went very well with the DH suspecting there were issues. It's a very small, all boys, school and you can't really hide. It became apparent that the school are aware of behavioural issues with the other lad and said that was ongoing and being monitored. He assured me DS was doing all the right things by trying to ignore his taunts. He also mentioned last week there had been an incident where the boy had been bad mouthing ds and another lad had stuck up for ds and this ended in the two of them fighting .. ds wasn't involved. So nice to know kids are on his side. I hope it can be dealt with and put to bed really. However, I think if the other lad has behavioural issues, which is obviously a sad situation, I don't think it will end sometime soon. BTW Agnes the rugby coach is my husband so a very tricky one for him and he's always been non biased and very fair .......