If your daughter has Autism/Asperger's, at what age did you begin to suspect?

[Nancyclancy]

My dd (3yrs 10 months) may possibly have Autism/Asperger's. The pre school approached me in November and mentioned that she had some traits.

A year ago, I suspected but now I'm not so sure and the more I've looked into it, the less convinced I've become.
She definitely has traits such as hand flapping when excited. But the traits she shows at pre school are not the same as at home and vice versa.
At home she can be quite challenging, screaming fits if she doesn't get her own way. But can have days where she's an absolute delight. Some days we'll go shopping and she's good, other days she won't have any of it.
She interacts with other children who visit, knows their names etc. and asks to see them.
At pre school, they feel she doesn't interact with other children but her behaviour is very good. She'll eat anything I put in her lunchbox but wouldn't eat it at home. She's been going for a year and has never had a temper tantrum, she listens to stories, joins in with most things.

She was physically very delayed, didn't walk until almost 28 months and this I feel played has played a huge part in her general development.
She is always progressing and has never gone back on herself and since Christmas up to now, she's made the most progress.

I'm now losing perspective on what is normal behaviour and what could possibly be autism. The whole of January and most of February has been so positive, then last Thursday the pre school asked me to sign something so they can proceed with speech therapy etc. I noticed a comment about her not interacting with her peers and my heart sank.
All the positivity that I'd felt has just gone and my daughter has obviously picked up on it because she's been a little pickle since.

I had suspicions that things were amiss with dd from when she was about 2, they reached a peak when she was about 3. She was my first and only child and I knew instinctively that I had to parent her differently to my friends and their dc.

I knew it wasn't autism because she was sociable, made eye contact, pointed etc. I had never heard of Aspergers. (this is what she was diagnosed with eventually)

Dd covered her ears when it was noisy, she never crawled, she walked on tiptoes. She had an obsessive need to watch a certain dvd every day, she couldn't bear to have it switched off before the end even if she was exhausted.

When she started school nursery it all fell down. DD couldn't line up unless she was first or last. She spent her playtime alone in a wendy house she kicked a teacher!

I was called in by the deputy head, she suggested I take dd to a GP or HV. She was infuriatingly non-committal. I asked her what she felt the problem was but she refused to say. I was furious and confused but I knew deep down that something was wrong. She made me face up to it.

Well there are probably a few things wrapped up together there. The progress is great news and keep focused on that.

It may be that the lack of interest or inability to interact with other children is connected with the slightly delayed start and she can be put on track with some language therapy teaching her how to get started with social entry skills, turn taking, eye contact etc, whatever is appropriate to her.

With autism, bear in mind that it presents very differently in one child to the next, and is a big spectrum. Also, plenty of kids with autism can do some things perfectly in one environment and do not realise that they can transfer (or 'generalise') the skill to a different place.

In terms of behaving well in eg school and having melt-downs at home this is incredibly common, with kids holding it all together at school, and then bursting out with a melt down at home.

And my ds would eat baked beans for me but not for my mum, and broccoli for my mum and not for me, but grew out of it.

Just out of interest, what happens if you put home food in the packed lunch box?

Getting back to your main point thought, whether she has ASD or not, she has made a good start at nursery, and whatever they are spotting, it is great that they are getting help in early as that is the most efficient time to learn. Whatever the future holds, she will always be your wonderful daughter, and you will have lots of great times together.

Hope this helps

Thank you for your replies. I would've replied sooner but I was busy reading through the thread that PolterGoose suggested, which was very interesting and has given me a good insight into just how differently children can be affected.

The pre school want to get the ball rolling because she starts school in September. They have been really good and provide her with a lot of support, which shows because she really loves going. They are already communicating with the primary school to make sure things go as smoothly as possible for when she starts. And this is before any autism professionals have got involved.
Another plus point is my 3 sons have all been through the same pre school & school, so we know everyone really well. My 2 younger sons (twins) had speech delay, although you'd never believe it now aged 11!!

It's just the uncertainty of it all. I know she's progressed and the pre school have said she's progressed too.

I'm quite open minded, but my dh refuses to believe there is anything wrong as do the family!! Which doesn't help!

And senvet you are absolutely right. Whatever the outcome, she's still our lovely little girl!

Dd1 (severe ASD) I knew there was something awry with her development by 8 months old. She was diagnosed at 2. She is severely autistic, though, and is now (age 10) in a SN school with full time 1:1.

Dd2 has AS, and I knew by2 that she had issues. She was diagnosed at 7.

Both behave very differently at school than home.

My DD is very nearly 7 and only just diagnosed. I knew there was something different about her at 16-18mths. Taken years of being fobbed off, mainly because she was fine at nursery/school, because it suited/suits how her mind works.

We have issues at home, though some social issues are becoming apparent at school now, mainly thanks to the consultant clinical Pyschologist pointing things out to the teacher.

My DD is clearly very high functioning and so it's not obvious to the untrained eye at all times. But we've been told to expect things to become more apparent at school etc when she reaches 10/11/12 and social things, friendships etc really start to ramp up to the next level.

Her gross motor skills are also behind quite a bit, but that's because she has Hypermobility as well. This doesn't help her in any way, as she can't keep up physically with her peers, so creates frustration.

We've also recently had hubby diagnosed with Aspergers too, so I'm caught inbetween them right now!

As for family not believing it - we've had the same! Mainly because she can control elements around them and they put a lot down to her age, but it's not 'normal' behaviour etc for her age. MIL refuses to believe hubby has it and won't even discuss it! We're just waiting for the final reports etc to be written and passed onto us, so we can show them!

I knew pretty much straight away that there was something "different" about her, my eldest (nt) was a quiet baby but my youngest (asd) was very quiet, didn't cry for feeds, attention never actually! She was always smiley just so easy going. As she got older she wasn't meeting her milestones and aged 3 could only say a few words even then we could understand her but nobody else could. It was when she began nursery that salt became involved, by four her speech had come along very well and others could understand her. She played alongside but not with other children, had echoalia, was diagnosed with global development delay, spd and deemed to have "autistic traits" for years I fought her corner (still fighting!) but because she's a girl the paediatrician was very reluctant to have her screened for autism. Last year (dd aged 8 at the time) was having such violent outbursts due to not being able to express herself and she grabbed a knife saying she wanted to kill herself that was the point at which she was referred to cahms. Cahms assessed her psychological profile and felt that asd was a strong possibility, from there dd was put on a waiting list to have an asd assessment. Assessment only took an hour or so with me speaking to one person answering lots of questions, whilst dd was being seen in another room by a professional doing play based activities. Both of the pros met together whilst dd and I were in the waiting room, 20 minutes later they had discussed both my part and dd party of assessment together and diagnosed that she was somewhere between mild-moderately autistic on the spectrum. Since then as the school were dragging their feet I applied myself for dd to be assessed for an Ehc plan of which I received the finalised copy this week. Now the battle is really beginning as The local asd school has no spaces. Sen placement officer agrees that both hf asd schools and severe profound special schools are not appropriate for her needs nor is mainstream so we are looking for an asd specific specialised school now I've been doing my homework checking for suitable schools online and the closest I can find is 56 miles away and happens to be an independent school. Now the boxing gloves are on and I must fight for the lea to fund a place for her there. Who said being a mum was easy??? Well now you've read my life story I shall move along, sorry if I've caused headaches!!! X