DS's birthday party... child with ADHD attending and I'm nervous

[farewellfigure]

Hi. It's DS's 7th birthday party in 2 weeks. We're having 7 of his friends over to the house for tea. It's supposed to be a 'quiet' tea party but I know it'll be a full on party by the time I've finished planning games and activities. I just can't help myself

Anyway, one of his friends has ADHD. I don't know much about the condition other than what I've read on here so I do apologise for my ignorance. I do know that the boy is always doing his own thing rather than participating in group activities. He always seems to be doing something silly or naughty (sorry, I can't think of the appropriate way to describe it other than that. I know he can't help it). His mum is constantly trying to manage his behaviour but it has little effect.

My question is, what can I do while he is in my care to make things go smoothly? His mum won't be staying as he has other siblings. I can't deny I am nervous. Again, apologies if this has offended anyone. That isn't my intention.

Just read the thread & also want to say thank you - the other mums who would relent and invite my DS to a party were few and far between, but he was always completely brilliant,and even won some over!
Positive reinforcement, same rules for everyone and a bit of kindness and tolerance ....I am sure all will be fine

I'm glad you're feeling better OP.

At least you are fully prepared and you have the back up of being able to contact the mum if you need to. It does sound like you have planned very well so I really hope it goes well and everyone enjoys it.

Reading this thread, it sounds awful, but I can sort of see why our DC are left out of parties, I can understand that parents want to focus on their birthday child having a good time and not worrying that there will a child that is harder to manage. I can see that.

But on the other hand, when our DC are invited, it's such a huge deal and you will, I'm sure, be making the parent of the little boy so pleased and happy. I've told this before but when my dd with SN was at primary school, she had a group of about 5 girls who were friends and they all went round in a gang etc. One of the girls had a birthday, dd took a little present and card into school. Later we took our DC to the local Pizza Hut for tea and the birthday girl and all the other friends were there having a party. If you could have seen my DD's face...it's making me tearful typing this.

So you really are doing a very kind thing.

YesIDid that's made me well up actually. That's so sad.

I think you've also hit the nail on the head with your other comment about why children with SN are left out. Parties can be pretty stressful I guess. I for one am appalling with other people's children and absolutely HATE organising party games. I can stand on a stage and act, sing, whatever... but put me in front of a group of small children and I totally freeze. I point blank refused to read aloud when DS was at toddler group because it used to make me physically shake. I'm already completely beside myself at the thought of organising musical statues and pin-the-tail. Isn't that DUMB?

So add to the mix a child whose behaviour is challenging, a child who I barely know, AND who needs carefully managing, and I'm just a jelly. His parents have had 7 years to hone their skills, to get to know him, to learn how to manage him. I have no clue... no clue whatsoever.

And I guess that is the crux of the problem... not the very teenie tiny problem I'm facing today... I mean the major problem of cowardice, intolerance, unfairness, ignorance and downright rudeness that you guys have to face daily. There are an awful lot of us out there who are clueless.

Argh the world is so messed up sometimes.

OK the party is done and I am shattered but very happy. It went really well. The children were all very excited but luckily it stayed fine so they burnt off a lot of energy in the garden before we played any games, and I think that helped everyone's sanity!

I learned a lot about the little boy with ADHD and autism. He liked doing his own thing and several times he went into DS's bedroom to play with Lego on his own. I was happy for him to find a little quiet area and he seemed content. Other times he played happily with the others or DS and only lashed out at one little girl once. He apologised when I asked him to and carried on playing just fine.

He did NOT like the competitive games and got very upset that he didn't win 'pin the tail' or the hunting game, but he just spent a bit of time on his own and bounced back pretty quickly. He was also fine when I had to tell him to stop throwing food. Another time he wouldn't hand me something I asked for and threw it on the floor. When I asked him to hand it to me nicely, he did so.

In fact I learned a lot about other people's children in general... how some of them REALLY were not happy about winning a prize and how others weren't bothered in the slightest. I really enjoyed watching how they all interacted with each other. One of the other little boys was much more challenging...he whinged, wanted his own way, REALLY copped a few strops and was much less integrated in the group. I guess everyone is on the scale to a certain extent and all children are different. You just get so used to your own child's behaviour it's hard to see other children behaving in a different way.

In general they were all really well behaved. I'd happily invite him back for a playdate. In fact there is a strong possibility that he will be moving schools in July and I think I'll ask him to come round again as DS and he will both be utterly devastated. I would say that I could get quite fond of him really. Honestly I could kick myself for being so worried about it. He's just a little boy!

Ah bless you, you are a wonderful person

farewell thank you, this was a lovely thread with a happy ending :) wiping my tears away here .....

Fare so glad it went well for you, for dc, and his friend.
You all did brilliantly.

Happy Birthday DC

I loved your last comment. That is exactly right.

"He is just a little boy"

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Wow farewell, you did it and it was successful, well done! If only there were more people like you who are open minded /hearted and wiling to give our little ones opportunities like this.

What a lovely ending - I actually think in some ways it's a shame this is in the SN section as it may be of use on the main boards as well.

You sound like you did a brilliant job OP. Birthday parties for little ones are bloody hard work without any additional worries anyway

PS your post yday of 11.25 about feeling awkward with other DC, was me to a tee. I felt like I was some sort of caricature of a bad teacher whenever I had to interact with small people that weren't mine! I don't know of you have any other DC which are older but, interestingly, now some of mine are older and have teen friends, it's completely different. I actually (generally!) get on much better with my own DC as I don't have to do any of playing on the floor etc type stuff. My DCs' friends also seem to be able to talk to me in a reasonable fashion, so if yours are still little, take heart from this!

Fabulous end to this thread though, it's made me feel all warm, good on you.

Well done OP, I think you handled it brilliantly

So glad it all went well :)

I'm late to the party (so to speak) and I've had but this thread has made me cry a little. I know you don't want praise OP but you're bloody getting it.

I agree it would be good on the main board. I've read so many threads about excluding the difficult child from whole school parties.

Just read this thread. Very heartening. Learnt a lot from your observations. I am sure it meant so much to the boy's mum. Well done.