Another blinder from DD

[Stradbroke]

I am actually feeling pretty embarrassed and I suffer quite badly from anxiety so I am really trying to
Keep my anxiety and catastrophising down at the moment and could just do with some sympathy and understanding if that's ok?

Picked DD up from school this afternoon (she finds transitioning from school to home quite tricky so is often a flashpoint). She thought a friend was coming home with her and when I said that wasn't happening (never was, it was a misunderstanding) she lost the plot. Screaming, crying, could not be consoled. Thing is whe. She gets upset the more I try and help the more upset she gets. They begs thing to do is give her space and let her calm down in her own time and space. But we are in the playground and everyone is there. So I am trying to calm her etc. thing is it is not a normal cry. She screams and she screams so loud. I manage to calm her and go to get her brother and she loses the plot again. Another mother mutters "good grief" and I sit DD down and walk away a little to try and not inflame the situation. By this point my stomach is in knots my legs are shaking and I just need to get out of there, but trying to
Leave a busy playground will make her worse.
At this point the mum of one od DDs friends comes along and starts to go to DD to ask her what's wrong and to get her to stop crying. I'm afraid I snapped. I told her to stop, per don't need help, she just needs space to calm down. We then wait until everyone leaves j give her a hug and we go home. She has been sat watching TV since we got home.

It was awful. It just came from no where. Bam! Full blown screaming hysteria from a 6 year old. In front of the whole school and feeling unable to handle it because of all the people, the noise, people watching.

At least DH is doing drop off tomorrow.

My DD is younger but sounds very similar. Like yours, when she is in full meltdown the best thing to calm her is to have space on her own. And then when calmer, a deep pressure type hug.

I know this is what works for her but in the full glare of the public it is so difficult to do. To give her space looks to outsiders as though I am not helping her, and then the hug looks like I am being too nice and not disciplining her!

But my only advice is that you have to do the best you can in a difficult situation - as much as you can just ignore what others may or may not be thinking and just get on and through it. I know this is what you are doing but I hope it helps at least to know you are not the only one.

Maybe talk to your friends mum and explain why you said/did what you did, and how you work with your DD. Just so she understands a bit more and might be more helpful in the future?

Oh, and really don't be too hard on yourself x

ah well. could have been worse. (not posting what the worse was here, but it was worse more than once)

mrs good grief can go boil her head. cross her off your christmas card list. there is always one of these about. I guess rhino skin is not issued with anxiety though and I expect it feels worse.

strad you did incredibly well. Those sudden-reaction-meltdowns are unlike anything else. Just a switch from zero to max.

The mutterers need to learn that this is unlike a mainstream tantrum - this is a real cry-from-the-heart that cannot be soothed by the usual techniques.

If you feel you could use a glass of water, ask them. It will make them feel useful in a situation that they don't understand.

Good Luck

Thank you everyone. I just needed to hear that people understand :)

And yes, I think its the fact that we have had to learn to parent DD as she needs it, and that is different to other children. But when it is on full view of other people then it makes it more difficult and I doubt myself.

What I actually needed yesterday was to be able to take DD away somewhere. Somewhere she could get it out without stares and people around her. I was wondering about asking her teacher if this happens again we could go somewhere quiet. They are usually pretty accommodating.

My sympathy. I agree you did very well. I used to find noisy meltdowns in the playground 9or other public space) very hard to cope with emotionally and I know that shaky feeling well.
That's a good idea to ask if you can go to a quiet spot in the school. We used to use a bench away from the main playground, (ds likes trees) but a quiet spot inside might be better.

Sounds like you did a good job and handled it well. I have been known to cry in the playground.

A few months ago dd was obviously unwell, she rarely gets I'll but when she does she struggles to stay stood up, looks pale and shakes a little. She refused to stay at home, once we got to school she looked even more poorly so I said 'come on dd, let's go back home', she wasn't having any of it and kept running off then falling to the ground, the whole playground was staring at us and asking 'what's wrong' then parents start trying to persuade her to go home which makes her cry even more, by then I'm holding back the tears wishing they would butt out. Anyway, there was no way she was going home so I had to send her in ( so I got the evil looks from parents, sending my germ ridden child into school ), I couldn't do anything else as she's 8 years old and the size of a 10 year old. Luckily after 20 minutes in school she was begging to come home, I had managed to calm myself down before picking her up.

Sometimes I wish people would butt out and back off, I guess they are only trying to help but they don't understand how to help.

I had an arrangement where I could take ds back into school. I also picked him up last from reception as it was less embarressing as many parents had left.

one of the parents who saw ds pull my hair has a child with asd.