DS embarrassed by his SEN

[var123]

Does anyone else have experience of something similar?

DS (age 12) has dysgraphia. He is in year 8 at a comprehensive. He was diagnosed with dysgraphia two years ago in his last year at primary school.

I am finding out now that he has never really come to terms with having a SEN. I didn't realise until this week, that he has been hiding it from everyone at school. The teachers know, because the learning support dept told them but all the things he is supposed to do - such as type rather than handwrite notes in lessons has not been happening because he doesn't want anyone to notice.

The diagnosis came at a difficult time because he's otherwise academically very able and the class teacher (who doubled as the SENCO) was convinced that he was just being lazy by producing barely legible handwriting and writing down very little compared to what he appeared to know. She favoured the stick over the carrot for getting pupils to do their work so she was leaning heavily on him and making his life a misery.

It was my intervention that led to his private diagnosis and the y6 teacher / SENCo never accepted it, mainly because she disputed the existence of such a thing as dysgraphia.

DS was incredibly upset at the time, but eventually things calmed down and he's been able to discuss having dysgraphia with me and the learning support dept for at least 18 months without getting upset. So, I thought he was over the embarrassment.

However, now he has some exams coming up and he's adamant that he doesn't want the extra time and looking at his notes from class, he's not really got anything that he can revise from.

Sorry its so long. Can anyone suggest how I can address this?

Interesting reaction to my emails. One teacher responded straight away, offering help and support and showing that she took my concerns seriously.

The other teacher has bothered to even acknowledge my email.

The other teacher has not bothered to even acknowledge my email.

small update:
There were two subjects giving problems. I contacted the teachers for both. One of the teachers replied immediately, subsequently saw DS for 20 mins and now he's back on track.

The other teacher eventually replied with a defensive email but failing to offer to help. He told me that Ds is making good progress and then quoted NC levels showing DS has dropped 2 NC sublevels this year.

The help I wanted for Ds was reasonable, I think. The teacher expects the year 8 class to note take and DS is struggling with this because of the SEN. I asked the teacher if he would guide the children as to which points they should take special care to make sure they had noted down. The teacher hasn't said no, but he's just ignoring me.

So do I give up or involve the head of dept?? (I think the teacher is a NQT)

Today is the day - hope you have had good news

Hi! I just wanted to add that children being embarrassed by a disability is very familiar to me. My ds2 has diabetes so needs to be able to exit lessons and exams, needs to be able to drink in lessons if his sugars are high, needs to have extra snacks with him incase his sugars are low, needs to do finger prickly blood tests & wears an insulin pump attached to his waistband. He deals really well with his disability really but he goes out of his way not to be different and not to be noticed by his peers (most of whom he has been at school with since he was diagnosed at 6 years old). He says he's fine when he's not and doesn't do some basic things at school that would give him better control (though his blood sugar levels aren't bad). He is nearly 17 and I'm still waiting for him to grow out of it!

That must be really scary, stillstandingatthebusstop. I remember the need to fit in when I was that age, and its a really powerful driver.

Its all in the maturity, isn't it? By the time our Dc are 30, they will understand that everyone is an individual and that what they need trumps everything else. But how do you get a 30 year old's maturity into a teenager's head?

The teacher replied. It wasn't a particularly helpful reply and I feel that we are beginning to play a prolonged game of batting a ball back and forth.

Apart from anything else, the teacher says that he's done his bit to teach the class and if DS needs something more, he's going to have to ask in front of the class.

I'd promised myself I'd simply put it in the head of department's hands today if I didn't get an answer. I replied straightaway to the teacher but now I am thinking to send the HoD an email saying look, I don't want to teach your teacher compassion or responsibility, so over to you. (Except not in those words obvs!)

Hmmmm . . . you're going to have to keep battling!

Honk honk

The phrase reasonable adjustments springs to mind.

Yes I would copy the SENCO and head of dept

say you are sure this teacher must be a nice person, but maybe genuinely is too overworked/overcommitted to what x teacher did for dc. What x teacher supplied was ideal, and if this teacher really doesn't have the time to do the same can you have someone else in the department to do it for them?

And as so many sn kids have as issue with being 'different' you are sure the senco must have worked out a system where dc does not have to ask for help - could they remind this teacher what it is as it appears to have slipped his mind.

God I could write creepy letters all day, and I get what I want eventually usually. And when I don't, I have been so nice they do not deny me the meeting I want.

I expect the teacher will suddenly find they have time to do what the other teacher did. If not, ask for a meeting with someone senior and ballsy.

Fingers crossed for you