Sorry for the long post, we are desperate for some advice from experienced mums with older ASD children.
We have to move son from his existing prep school after very poor SEN provision there. We have managed to narrow our choice down to 2 very different schools but are having real difficulty understanding which type of environment will be best for him and his happiness in the long run. A high SEN one or one with more 'typical' children.
DS1 is nearly 6 in Year 1. Has mild autism/aspergers with the usual problems connecting socially to other children, understanding social chat and rules of games, etc. He also has dyspraxia and hypermobility affecting confidence. Quirky, sensitive and wants to make friends, can do quite well socially with the right children up to a point.
We have seen an amazing school (for ages 3-18) with a great inspirational ethos, treats the children as human beings and with respect, no uniforms, first names terms with quality teachers who know the children and really care. Great facilities, and co-ed (I've been advised he should be with girls!). Very welcoming of other types of children and no bullying as its not that type of school. Strong academically. We would choose it straight away, however, we're worried that because almost all the other children there are neurotypical, albeit very kind neurotypicals, that DS will continue at a school with a sense of being different, and not understanding a lot of games or social chat that everyone else is getting straight away, not integrating well with the other children. Am I being paranoid, and if not, what does that do to an ASD child's confidence over the long-term?
Or would he be better off at a more traditional school (for 3-13 boys only) which although mainstream has a very high proportion of children with SEN (50%) including some ASD kids? i.e. would he feel more normal there? The teachers there are well versed in breaking work down into manageable components for children. It is not an inspirational school, does not have great facilities, does have quite strict rules (which always make me feel uncomfortable). I think my son is a little bit of a rule-breaker like myself and might end up rebelling when he's older as they're not giving the children that freedom and respect he would receive at the other school.
Thanks so much in advance for your views. I'm not quite sure why we're finding this so difficult to decide, think it is because we know so little about ASD and just second-guessing what his needs are/will be. Have already mucked up his schooling so badly once and feel doomed to continue sad