How to get school to work with me?

[bedelia]

I've posted on other threads about my problems with DS's school-based nursery, and after weeks of frustration have come to the realisation that I need to work with an end goal in mind - getting provision sorted for a different, supportive school in time for when he starts full time.

DS is 3 and attends nursery at the same school as his sister. He's my little lamb, but I'm well aware that he has social, behavioural and communication problems and I suspect he's on the spectrum. When he first started nursery he was able to go for 3 hours a day. Teachers raised concerns and we had our first referrals made to the Early Years team (still waiting to hear anything from EY yet).

The problems really started when he "transitioned" up to the next stage (FS1) housed in the main school building. DS now only attends for 1 hour a day with the promise that we can build back up to the full 3 hours in stages. I've consented to more referrals (Ed Psych, SALT and lord knows what else) with everything rushed by me, usually just as I pick DS up from nursery when he's fractious and desperate to leave so I don't have the chance to ask questions or have things fully explained

I'm desperate to understand exactly what's happening, who will be assessing him, how long this "transition" will last. Have called innumerable times to speak to SENCO, left messages, sent a letter, sent emails (via the office, no access to teacher/SENCO/HT email addresses, despite asking!) Precious little has come of this other than a verbal promise for a meeting with SENCO which never materialised (despite several "reminders"!). Phone calls and emails were not reciprocated apparently SENCO is always "busy teaching and will get back to me when she has the chance

Luckily I have met DS's Ed Psych who met me after observing his session. We're meeting properly after half term and she's happy to refer DS to Paed (glad about this as previously unsuccessful in persuading GP).

Ultimately I know this is not the right school for DS. He's due to begin school full time next January, so between now and then we need to apply for an EHCP and secure a place in a school which will meet his needs. Ideally I want to apply myself to make sure it's done properly, but despite my many, many requests I have no documentation or information from school whatsoever

I don't know where to go from here, so any advice from the flock would be much appreciated!

Oh my that's not good!

Is the preschool part of the school? Answers to governing body?

If so get straight on to the head governer with a formal complaint. I know softly softly is best but I think that's not working

I would say when you phoned, when you tried to communicate, it's all on deaf ears, you have no choice but formal complaint. You want to see senco/ ht whoever by xyz date or you will escalate.

Sorry I know that's hard but it should set a firecracker off to spring into action. You don't have to escalate at all - they don't know you won't.

Having a similarity issue. So it's working for me right now.

Always be factual, never talk about how you feel, just how it effects your child.

Been a long day here. I hope others agree but when doors are locked they need a good kick

I would put everything in writing! Phone calls are easily "forgotten". The senco sounds utterly useless, to refer to an EP and then not follow up with parents is crap!!

I would be looking for another school right now,this does not bode well for the future!!

Good luck and stay strong, you know your Ds better than anyone

yes I agree - get your EHCP going as soon as possible and start looking at other schools.

also all the records that school have (which by the sound of the chaos may not be many) could be asked for by a foi/data protection type requests.

My preference would be to ask to meet the SEN/Head governor and go along the path of
'really don't want to have to launch a complaint' and
'staff must be rushed off their feet poor things so...
...don't realise that I have asked so many times and been refused so many times', but
'could you please sort a meeting as they, poor dears, probably do not realise that they are leaving me in the dark'

People are always quick to go on the defensive if they see you in attack mode, always more likely to give you what you want if you sound so very reasonable,
And the mild reference to a complaint (that your letter is saying you do not want to do) also makes them sit up.

You could copy the EP and anyone else you can find who is in the frame - 'just because you are being helpful and it is one less bit of admin for the staff'

Iron fist in velvet glove is what someone called this technique.

Hope this helps

Thank you all for your advice, it's much appreciated

My older DCs are poorly at home so haven't had the chance to write a letter yet. I plan to ask at the office about SENCO's availability to meet this week when I drop DS off for his session, otherwise will type up a letter to hand in tomorrow.

Will update more later when I'm less busy!