Why has my 5yo started hitting and shouting?

[Lookslikerain]

In the last couple of weeks, my DS (5 years old, autism) has started hitting other children at nursery. Sometimes it's in response to them taking something from him or them having something he wants. Other times it seems completely unprovoked. Nursery have been quite understanding but took me aside on Friday to say that they'd started putting him into timeout when he did it, and that he'd had 3 of them on Friday. He's only there for 2 and a half hours!

At home, we've had issues too. He has started a high pitched scream when he is told off for something, and he'll continue it for as long as possible to get a reaction (which we don't give). Eventually, (once I've got ringing in my ears) he'll calm down and ask for a cuddle or say he's sorry. We then have a very brief window to talk about it before his butterfly mind flutters onto something else and his attention is gone. He does hit DH and I, but only ever when he has done something wrong and we're telling him off. There are occasional scuffles with him and his sister (she's 3), but no worse than usual sibling stuff.

He has always been a very affectionate boy, and we've never had a 'hitting' phase before. If anything, we was too passive as a toddler and would let other children take things from him without ever putting up a fight.

Why would he be starting this now? Is he going through a phase that most children do, just that he's doing it later? Is it a normal thing for 5 year olds, but he's doing it to the extreme?

And what should we be doing? I am reading 'the explosive child', which makes a lot of sense but I'm not very far through yet and it seems quite a 'languagey' approach, which I'm not sure we'd be able to implement. Has anyone been through similar? Will it settle down?

and to anyone that has made it through my enormous post!

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I'm sure you've been thru my suggestions and hope someone w more advice along shortly
1 anything changed?
2 ear ache other possible pain?
3 New lights or equipment causing sensory flare up?
4 more demands leading to being overwhelmed?
5 period of poor sleep?
6 not enough time outdoors?
the above are all things that result in more flare ups and melt downs round ours. Also is he now more aware of 'mine' leading to him being able to be annoyed when someone takes away 'his' toys. Sometimes ordinary development actually makes life harder.

Well my ds who is dyslexic/dyspraxic went through two phases of hitting aged 5. One was on arriving at school whilst they were all sorting out their pecking order. I was appalled until I found out that the lads did this every year and half the other lads were hitting as well.

Then all was fine until I spent the next two terms in and out of hospital. ds was perfect at home and a little stress ball at school, lashing out at everyone for the slightest joggle.

Luckily he had a fantastic teacher who said that she did have to tell him off so the others could see 'justice was done' but she then just took him away for a cuddle and reassurance so, as she said years later 'we reached an understanding'.

Hope this helps

Thanks for your replies.

firsttimer nothing has really changed, I don't think. Nursery are being more demanding on him. It's his second year there and they were quite easy on him demand-wise during the first year. But that has been since August so I don't think it's that. We haven't been outside as much as normal in the afternoons as the weather hasn't been great and I'm 8 months pregnant (and need to go for a wee constantly!). I don't think that's the whole problem but it maybe isn't helping. I think it's maybe just normal development, and nothing I can fix. Just need to ride it out!

senvet your story makes me feel better! I too was horrified at the thought of him hurting other children. I think getting to 5 years and not having to deal with kind of thing has left us a bit unprepared! When he's good, he's just lovely. But when he's not, he's a little horror. Mini Jekyll and Hyde!

DS has started doing this too. Not the hitting, but he shouts, throws a tantrum and gets annoyed when someone doesn't give him a toy that he has asked for.

I generally put this down to his communication issues. Though it could be also the fact that DS is at school full- time, which is very tiring and his social, listening and attention skills are heavily demanding in the school environment.

I was thinking of putting DS part- time in reception, though his dad think otherwise.

Don't know what to suggest as I'm going through the exact same thing. I just try to enhance his communication skills at home and the school helps with this when his at the school. I often re-direct him and so on.

Polter thanks for sharing. It does help to know other people have been there and come through the other side. I totally agree on reducing anxiety and the importance of his communication skills. My DS's language and communication skills have improved greatly over the last year, but when the red mist descends, he really struggles to get anything out apart from rage. And trying to calm him so he can talk doesn't work.

I think you're right on the rewards/sanctions too. I don't think it works for DS. If he flips out, then a time-out isn't going to teach him anything. It won't calm him down. He'll just quickly move on in his head from whatever happened and focus on the punishment, forgetting why he was given it in the first place. We don't do time-outs at home for that reason, but I know that nursery can't just 'let him off'. He knows that hitting is wrong but struggles to stop himself. I worry that one day he'll have a proper meltdown at nursery.

adrianna I don't think my DS would cope right now with a full school day. He's still at nursery because we're in Scotland and were able to defer school entry by a year. We'll just ride it out and work on improving communication further. Let's have a pact that we'll let each other know if we find any magic solutions!