ASD - Did you/would you have another child?

[PalominoPony]

I know this is an emotive subject but...

We have a DS (2 years old) who has ASD and we are thinking about having another. We have been told the risk of any future children having ASD is 15%-20% (general statistic - not specific to us).

For those of you who have been in similar positions, can you let me know your thinking? Did you decide to have another or did you think the risk too high?

I love DS more than anything but I worry about his future so much (and also how having another child who has autism may make it even harder for him and us - finances even more stretched, less time to spend with him, etc). And I wonder if it would be fair to the child itself, to have it when it has a significant chance of what is (or at least can be) a very disabling condition.

Any thoughts/advice appreciated!

wow. Tough one, and not something I have experience of, beyond saying that amongst my relatives I have one my generation with ASD and two in the generation below, in their early twenties.

so they all understand each other and can help us understand the difference between our sometimes inferior brains, and their sometimes socially awkward converstaions with mainstream folk

And as we have sorted the will-trust-funds to ensure the accommodation and oversight care for one, we have been able to do the same for the others.

It is a definite bonus for all of us, ASD and muggle alike, that there are more than one ASD members of the family.

Good Luck

I've got one child with ASD. I have decided not to have another. There are lots of families are our local support group who have more than one child with ASD and i think the risk is too high. DS was very hard work when was younger and still is now, although i've learnt to cope better. He is fully verbal, academically ok and toilet trained etc and i can manage him. My friend has a boy who is completely non-verbal, sld, not toilet trained and will need ongoing care for the rest of his life due to his severe autism. If i had another like DS i might cope, if i had a child like my friend's little boy then i probably wouldn't cope very well.
I've been very lucky that DS's diagnosis and statement came very easily, the only hassle i have had is that i had to appeal for his indie ss. I look on here and see how much others are struggling to get the basics for their children and i wouldn't want to go through all that either.
I also had OC during pregnancy followed by PND so those are also huge factors in my decision making.
DS also hates babies so i don't think it would be fair to put him through all that, he would be so stressed if i had another child. Not only that but when the EP last saw DS he felt that he might need to go into residential placement in a few years. It won't go down well with him if he is placed in a residential placement while a sibling would be living at home.

There is a lot to consider but those are my reasons. It's a hard decision to make [good luck]

good luck used to give flowers but clearly doesn't now so here you go

We had our children quickly and had four children under 5 years at one stage.

At that point we only regarded DS as awesome and quirky child and DD3 was a new born baby.

Two years later both DS and DD3 are bring assessed on the asd pathway.

I can also see traits on DD1 and DD2 but they are happy and academically fine so not a concern.

But overall we are very happy as a family meltdowns...even though we have to fish DD3 out of the children's wardrobe, deal with screaming, meltdowns but the rest of the time is pure gold and I wouldn't change a thing !

I am in a slightly different situation. We have 2 children, both of them have autism. There are only 15 months between them and our second was already here when our first got his dx at 2.5yrs. Our second got his dx at 3, he's subsequently been dx with adhd as well.

When we originally planned our family, our intention was to have 3 children. We decided to stop at 2, based on their needs because we felt it would not be the right choice for us to bring a 3rd child into the mix.

If we had had the dx of our first before our second was conceived, would we have gone ahead - yes. I think so. We have enough to be able to appropriately and adequately meet the needs of two, we just didn't think we'd be able to do so for 3. I regret that now because with hindsight I think we would have been able to. I miss our third child, odd as that sounds. There's a gap where they should have been. It's a horrible feeling.

But really, it does depend on the individual needs of the children. What works for one won't be the right choice for someone else because all children are different and their needs are too.

We had dd (NT) then ds1, who has autism. We took the decision to have a third child, and although the pregnancy and early babyhood were very anxious times, ds2 is NT. This has been hugely beneficial to ds1, mothered by dd and pestered by ds2....has done him the world of good

I do know of families with more than one child with asd but on the whole there is a relatively clear genetic link across the family history. In ds1's asd special school (60 children) there is one set of twins with asd but none of the other children has a sibling with asd. Granted there are several only children!

We have absolutely no family history of asd on either side which was slightly reassuring but still, when we made the decision to add to our family we did so in the knowledge that there could be a higher chance of asd in the next child. We were fully prepared to take that risk

We had no history of ASD in family and had 2 NT DS before having DS3 with pretty severe asd. In fact he was typical until over 2 and then regressed so we truly believed we were out the woods by the time autism came along.
I can't say what I would have done had it been the other way round.
Since i have learned about asd I can see very slight social traits in my younger sister - but no language problems or repetitive behaviours. She is actually very sociable but misses jokes and sarcasm and tends to go on a bit without noticing you are getting bored.
I think for us it was just an age thing, we were both 35 when I had ds3 which I know isn't ancient but is really the only risk factor I can think of. Don't know whether age is an issue for you the chances do increase - as they do for other disabilities too.
DS1 and DS2 will have a very different upbringing to what I had - but I think it makes them more independent, appreciative of what they have, caring and tolerant. I'd like to hope they will look out for DS3 when I am not around to do so. I have to admit the idea of DS3 not having siblings to look out for him in old age is a scary thought so we're lucky with the order things happened.