Dd 7 beginning to struggle

[lia66]

Hi there,

I have posted this in chat because I wanted some quick replies. I've had some helpful responses but have been sent over here for more long term support.

Dd is 7, she will be 8 in May, child #4 of 6. We've always thought she was different, cried a lot as a baby, sensitive to things, intuition.

Fast forward to last year and we went away on holiday for the first time since she was a toddler. Oh my, she was soooo out of her comfort zone, the food was wrong, everything smelt wrong. It was too loud.

She is exceedingly clever and brutally honest and moral. Over the years we have learnt how to live with her, give her warnings of timings, what will happen when etc, when we should and shouldn't look at her.

I the holiday it became glaringly obvious that she is quite different to other children. She's sociable and wanted to go to kids club. After 2 hours in a chaotic environment she was a mess, banging her head, crying, shouting at us, forbidding us to look at her.

When we came home I went to go with my concerns and we are waiting for a a referral ( to whom I'm not sure ).

I feel so sorry for her, she's so desperate to be like everyone else, she went to a drama group yesterday with her 9 yr old sibling and was upset and mute when she came out

Today she wanted to try dancing but when we got there, the kids were all running around shouting and she was literally shaking.

I think another reason we have missed earlier signs is because she goes to a small village school where there are less than 170 kids spread through reception through year 6. The teachers know her, " when I should talk to her and when not" her teacher told me.

I'm looking for some advice in what to expect. Will it take long to see someone? Is her life going to get harder as she gets older? I'm so worried for her now, before we just though she was our X, you know.

Thank you

She will always be your wonderful special x.

The only question now is how to help her navigate her way through a mainstream world where folks in the majority (the bog standard folk) find it difficult to work out what to do to incorporate her talents

The gold standard is to get independent reports - ideally EP, SALT and OT so you can understand what causes her difficulties and what could be done to help her fit in with the majority folk.

How hard he life gets as she gets older will depend on your dc and the support she gets. My relatives went to special school to learn how to do mainstream language eg where to stand in a group, or how to match the volumes of the others and how to stay on the topic being discussed.
It is like a mainstream kid being told please and thankyou until it becomes a reflex. It is just that the challenge is to learn mainstream language - especially nonverbal language and body language - is like learning a second language.

One of my relatives is now married and employed, and you would not know,

The other is finishing college and is looking to work in carpentry/cabinet making/bushcraft.

So everything to play for, but some bumps along the way.

Oh thank you senvet I love your choice of words.

I agree with polter about the independent reports (sorry senvet) infact we have had the opposite experience, the schools my Dd has been at actively avoid taking the independent advice on board. The only place I have found it useful is at tribunal.

while you wait for an appointment with someone make notes, keep a diary, and read and read and read! Ask questions on here. There is a vast wealth of knowledge on here.

Most importantly love her and celebrate her differences, raise her self esteem so that she is comfy with who she is. Oh and keep her in a small school if you can!!

Good luck

Hi Lia

I have a 7 year old DD who sounds similar. She's always been very highly strung and er...difficult but because she was our only child for 6 years we didn't know any different.

When she was in Year2 her school started mentioning ASD to us and asked us to get her assessed. We are currently in the process of this. The paediatrician saw she had a number of difficulties with social communication, sensory processing and motor skills but we are still awaiting further assessment. It takes ages.

Although we were very upset and worried when school first mentioned DD's difficulties we are reassured by the fact that she is doing well in mainstream so far, she has friends in school and she's doing well with her work (apart from handwriting!).

There's no doubt she's different but she's obviously high functioning if that's the right way to put it. Some days I think "there's nothing wrong with her the school are wrong" and other days I think "OMG she is so obviously on the spectrum" so I'm never quite sure what to think really, it's confusing, but I guess it's early days for us and we're still trying to get our head round things and read up about it.

I do worry about the future. One thing is clear - her differences are becoming more apparent as she gets older. She is struggling more. She has increasing levels of anxiety. I worry massively about the transition to secondary school.

You're doing the right thing is getting her assessed now, hopefully this means if she does find things more difficult as she gets older she will get the support and understanding she needs.

Thank you everyone.

yellowcat that's it isn't it? Secondary school is not that far away and I do worry about her. I'm hopeful that she will pass her 11+ and at least that will take care of her anxiety of being in school with boys. ( she has 2 brothers).