Your advice please SN MNers - thank you

[Bugsy2]

I've popped in here once or twice before to ask about DS. When ex-H left us DS went completely mad. He was 3 at the time. His behaviour deteriorated so badly that I ended up in front of a child psychologist with him.
I've worked really hard and his behaviour is greatly improved 4 years on (he's 7 now). However, I am still worried about him. He has very poor emotional control, very high anxiety levels, finds change difficult to cope with (even minor stuff), poor concentration (noted by school) and low self esteem. I am desperate for advice about how to help him.
I talked to my GP & he said go and school nurse in the first instance. I don't want to do this for two reasons. So, what do I do now? Do I go back to my GP and ask if he can recommend me back to the child psych we saw 4 years ago? Are their other routes available to me?
Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Do you think that the child psych would be able to help? If the answer is yes then I would definitely go back to theGP and ask for a referral. If you think the psych would be looking at the symptoms rather than the cause IYSWIM then I would ask the GP for a referral to a Paed - preferably a Developmental Paed.

I don't really see how the school nurse would be able to help you in a practical way with this tbh.

Is there anything in particular that you think theproblem might be?

In the meantime we could probably try to help with the individual difficulties. Visual timetables are a good way of helping a child who hates change and likes to know what will happen next, for example.

(apologies for disjointed post but dd is on my lap )

Coppertop, I just don't know. For a very long time I have had a niggling feeling all is not right with DS. I have a DD as well, who is 4.5 yrs old and already she can cope with life better than 7 year old DS.
I already let DS know in advance what is happening, although even that can be fraught with danger, as he often then worries for days in advance about perfectly straightforward activities.
Yesterday, for example, it was a lovely afternoon & I got back in good time from work so I walked to school to pick them up with their scooters. DS went absolutely mad & threw himself around the pavement & cried hysterically the whole way home (a painful 45 mins because he was so slow) just because he had expected me to come in the car.

Are the activities he worries about things that he's done before or is it a fear of the unknown? Ds1 (6yrs) gets very anxious about things he's not 100% sure of. If it's a general situation (eg an appointment or activity somewhere) then Social Stories are useful for giving him a guide to what will happen. Obviously (as you've probably discovered for yourself) you also have to avoid being too specific about the activities in case something unexpected happens.

The scooter thing is a tough one. If ds was an only child then the answer would be to avoid surprises but it's not that easy when you have other children.

My instinct would be to ask for a referral to a Dev Paed rather than the Child Psych. Depending on financial circumstances you could bypass the NHS and go for the private option. I've not taken the private option myself (can't afford it) but in the SN archives there are afew recommendations of people to try.

The anxiety seems fairly random. Sometimes he will get extremely anxious about a certain activity, which we may have done lots of times before & I think he enjoys.
He is quite social phobic or whatever the term is. He usually refuses to go to parties and if we have to go for some reason, he will fret about them & stress for days/weeks in advance.
He stresses about school alot and on a daily basis. I have been in to see his teacher & she is aware & offers as much positive reinforcement as she possibly can.
Anyway, I could go on & on & on.
Developmental Paed sounds like a good idea.
Forgive me for asking - but why have you had to head down this route?

I have two kids that fit your description closely, one is diagnosed with Aspergers, the other is NT (I think) bar some develomental delays.

I pulled this up for another thread but it might be worth a link here if this is what you're worrying about, and if your son fits it call the national autistic society for mroe info, and ask for a paeditric referral from a GP. However, it might be something else- self esteem issues arising from the divorce? A nervous disorder (anxiety, even depression can present in kids too).

FWIW I would have a chat with the school SENCO, and it can never hurt to see a paediatrician to talk over your concerns.

For a middle road to private / NHS, these poeple suported us with practical help, and gave us a lot of the paperwork that helped get a diagnosis.

www.bibic.org.uk

They do charge, but not as much as a private Paed would, iyswim.

Thank you Peachy, I've always wondered about Aspergers, but he can make such good eye contact, be cuddley & affectionate that I always doubted that this could be what it is.
Thank you for the two links - very helpful.

Ds1 and ds2 have high-functioning autism (HFA)/AS. Obviously this wouldn't mean that your ds has this too. As Peachy says, her NT son has similar difficulties with anxiety etc too.

I don't even know what NT means - ?
Peachy, bibec was useful - I've sent them an enquiry.
I will go to the GP again & ask for referral to Devlopment Paed.
Feel so sad for DS & desperately want to help him.
Thank you Coppertop & Peachy.

NT just means that he has no SN.

Bugsy. I hope you get some answers and some help. xx

each childs variation of autism is different, i have three with autism and they are all very different from each other, two of them are very cuddly and all have good eye contact which made the HV think that they didn't have autism, if you think it is autism ask Dr for a referal to see a pead

ask your Gp to reffer you to Camhs. it may be that he needs to worj through some f the issues he has over when you and his father spilt up.

if they feel it is somethign more complex they can then reffer you to a community pead. alternativly ask the school if they are aware of these behaviours and if they find them a problem. if they also see that this behaviour is different from his classmates ask them what they think the problem is and if they can advise anyone to come and observe your DS, they may be able to geta behavioural advisor or an Ed Psych in to watch and offer some advise.

Thanks onlyjoking and battymumma. The school have observed some minor issues, the biggest of which, from their perspective, is his chronic lack of concentration. Funnily enough he is not particularly disruptive, so all his anxieties and stressing tends to go unnoticed in a class of 30. He was particuarly thrown last year by a change in teacher for part of the term, when the school got very concerned by his behaviour - but once his usual teacher returned he settled back down again.
I have an appointment with my GP and I'm going to ask to be referred back to the pyschological paed we saw 3 years ago. After digging through my filing I found the notes that I made when I saw her then, & she did say he may be AS spectrum but was too young to diagnose - he was only 3 at the time. I had forgotten she had said that.

Sorry to keep banging on. Saw the GP & he is referring DS to William Harvey House, which I think is part of St Barts or Queen MArys - has anyone heard of it?

I haven't heard of it but just wanted to say that you're not "banging on". Keep posting as much as you need to.