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Original poster

last minute tribunal stress - help....

15 replies

bjkmummy · 25/01/2015 10:15

I know I should be doing something but im now in that manic stage of fear that ive become frozen

im desperately trying to make some kind of sense and order to the house as have friends come to look after the kids after school on tues why we are the hearing and im feeling overwhelmed....... my cooker is completely out of bounds due to the state of it and would hate anyone to think we live in a dirty house but with 3 asd kids its like the forth bridge trying to get the house sorted. I think I should just accept defeat..... on the surface the house looks semi tidy and neat but my windows could do with a clean - im try ing to be perfect I know .....

with the tribunal preparation I feel I should be doing more as well but experience has taught me it doesn't matter how much you prepare they always pull out a trick which you don't see coming.

I wrote the case statement, I put the bundle together , there is no LA evidence so I cant even pick at that - I know all the ins and outs of the last tribunal as I was there and again did all the preparation for that as well.....

ive got a DH who is 'ill' and walking round the house like a dying duck leaving me to try and deal with it all plus look after 3 asd kids....

tomorrow is an absolutely crazy day as I have to show my friend the school run,going to have my hair cut and coloured (it has been a year!!) and im just feeling very very overwhelmed.

im in a dilemma whether to send dd into school tomorrow - she has been ill and was off all of last week - on Mondays they are doing SATs papers and im worried they will do a test with her tomorrow and she comes out with some ridiculous high mark as they are basically now doing the tests for her, what if the LA EP suddenly turns up the day before the hearing??

so much in my head and I need to focus but I cant and am definitely completely overwhelmed and stressed - doing it for a 3rd time doesn't make it any easier and I think its because everyone is waiting me for me fail/lose and my god the victorious celebrations by the LA that will cause hence the absolute fear im feeling

OP posts:

Ineedmorepatience · 25/01/2015 10:30

I dont normally do ((((hugs)))) bjk but it sounds like you might need one!!

You are well prepared and have a good case!

Keep breathing and stop worrying about the house!! Your friend will be busy looking after your 3 kids too so she wont be looking at your windows!!!

Good luck, I will be honking and flapping for you on Tuesday!

Original poster

bjkmummy · 25/01/2015 10:52

feel slightly better as dh just done a bit with me and ive just had a quick half hour tidying my bedroom up which looks like the chaos inside my mind at the moment - going to have a shower, then im going to the local supermarket with my bundle and going to sit and read it for a couple of hours whilst eating lunch and no doubt cake if they have any!!!

I don't think I can prepare any more. I know it - maybe just put some dividers in for each section I guess - its the LA barrister who now has to read nearly 800 pages from scratch although granted some of it is repeated but its not until the very end you get to the LA case to find theres nothing there!!!

deep breath time I think - will get dh to clean the kitchen window whilst im out - its only a 10 minute job. now for a shower and whilst im in the shower soak the rings from the cooker hob

job for next week - arrange for the cooker to be professionally cleaned and then ensure I keep on top of it

OP posts:

Ineedmorepatience · 25/01/2015 10:55

I wrote the page numbers next to my appendices so I could access my info quickly and calmly.

You have probably already thought of that though! I am a beginner compared to you. Enjoy your lunch and cake

uggerthebugger · 25/01/2015 11:01

Fuck the house. Fuck your DH. They don't matter right now. They'll all still be here on Wednesday.

Keep DD at home on Monday. The SATs practice papers don't matter - even for kids without any other issues to deal with. The SATs are the school's worry, and I'd say that you owe them the sum total of jack shit.

And it's easy for me to say from this distance, but I honestly don't think there's anything more you can do to prepare yourself for the hearing. Everything you write on here tells me you know your immensely strong case backwards, you're still standing despite everything you've had thrown at you, and in the hearing, you'll come across as the wonderful person you are. The rest of it, you can't possibly control.

Your brain and nerves are freewheeling. Mine were too at this stage. What you need is something to do that's mindless, fully distracting or physically exhausting, and that doesn't get on your tits. Whatever does at least two of these things will help.

Original poster

bjkmummy · 25/01/2015 11:08

think coffee and eating cake is the only way forward then ugger!!!

and I need - I hadn't thought about doing that with my appendice so will go off and do that this afternoon whilst eating my cake and coffee

OP posts:

senvet · 25/01/2015 16:32

Cake Coffee and a good reference system- nice index too, plus what the others said.

Do NOT let your child near the school on Monday, for the sake of your health - oh, and hers as well. Oh and OF COURSE She might spread germs, so it is in the interest of ALL the kids that have SATS that you don't risk sending the whole class down with something.

You are a brilliant mum, and putting your kids and the tribunal before your flipping windows is a perfect sign of that.

If your friend even notices your windows, she should be inspired by your ability to prioritise.

Hang in there

lougle · 25/01/2015 16:36

I'm glad I've seen this. Stay calm. Stay sure. They want you to feel like this. You know you're only going to get what your child deserves.

Honk x

Original poster

bjkmummy · 25/01/2015 16:47

wobble over! kitchen window is clean cooker hob cleaned and general tidy up achieved.

went out for coffee and took my folder with me and as if by magic the file fell open at the page which shows that since the last tribunal she has made no progress - even the spin by the school last week gushing how well she was doing is no longer a stress for me as in the bundle is a report by the same teacher 9 months ago done for the last tribunal showing that actually today she is on the same levels now as then - they tried to spin her levels up last time as well - this is the final key I needed and now calm has descended on me- the teacher last week was sent to spook me and it kind off worked but you cant hide the truth can you

it also validates the indie reports placing her 4 years behind as well - my case is now complete and every loophole they had is now slammed shut

OP posts:

WintersDayTOWIE · 25/01/2015 17:05

Nearly there. Just the final few hours to get through. Go do something really nice with your DD tomorrow - just the two of you - whilst your others are at school.

Original poster

bjkmummy · 25/01/2015 18:05

im off to have my hair done and also my nails treat to me as haven't had my hair done for a year. the class teacher thinks im a complete slob so will throw her on tues when I turn up looking half human. dh is at home in the morning -then my friend is coming across to see what she needs to do for the school run

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/01/2015 18:12

Sounds like you have everything under control, enjoy the hair and nails and then you will be ready to face the world.

2boysnamedR · 25/01/2015 21:39

Ugger - well said!

You will re read and read your bundle again, it's normal ( what ever normal us, god knows this ISN'T normally for most people is it?)

Don't worry about the house.

My la rep assessed ds in school the day before the hearing. Don't send her in.

They also got him to write out some work I swear wasn't his work.

MeirAyaAlibi · 25/01/2015 22:24

Your dd needs a whole morning of you (in good shape) to get her ready for school. So tomorrow you can't possibly do your normal papering-over-the-cracks for her: if she's not 100% fine, why add to your stress by forcing her in there.

This is the worst bit. You still feel like 'cramming' overnight could be needed. The actual hearing day is like the day of an exam.

blanklook · 26/01/2015 10:10

Flaps and honks

KOKOagainandagain · 26/01/2015 11:31

Don't let the LA waste too much time before the hearing starts on their late requests for changes. If I were you I would consider who, out of the barrister and the LA rep, I would prefer to be on the opposing side. Then you can cut short debate by immediately showing your reasonableness in conceding to one request. If you would prefer to have the barrister present, make sure that you mention that you are aware that as a parent who is representing themselves, allowing this places you in at significant disadvantage, but 'in the interests of justice' for your child (who is negatively impacted by delay) and conducting the hearing in the time allotted you will agree to it.

If you 'choose' the barrister, the panel are likely to view you sympathetically and will not expect you to be able to quote case law in the same way. Morally, it is hard to justify the LA hiring a barrister when the other side is unrepresented - tribunal is meant to be non-conflictory and parents can choose to have but do not require legal representation.

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