do they suspect aspergers? son 4 years old

[maggiethemagpie]

Hi my first post on this board. my son is nearly four, I think his preschool think he has aspergers.

They have not actually come out and said that but met with me and my partner today to discuss 'concerns.'

From what they said and asked us does this sound like they may be thinking it's aspergers?

He does not play with the other children
He sees certain toys as 'his' and gets upset if the other children take them
He has had some meltdowns over little things eg teacher handing out little toy animals he made a big fuss as he did not get a particular coloured one
He talks about things to the teacher but just really says what's on his mind its not a 2 way conversation

They asked us if he had a special bowl or cup at home that he insisted on using, I said no but he could be very particular about having a certain colour spoon

His diet is very limited, he will only eat pasta, cheese, corn, carrots and rice although he'll happily eat junk food (choc, crisps etc) until the cows come home. he won't try any new food.

He dislikes new experiences in general and can be a bit of a scaredy cat eg going on a new ride, would not go inside the fire engine at the fair, made a massive fuss if I tried to coax him to go in

He's always been one for tantrums and can be very willfull making a big fuss over the smallest of things eg me taking his socks off as he has to do it.

He was a little late to walk and talk, he walked at 18 months and started talking a few months after; he was still doing two word sentences until nearly 3 although his speech seems to have caught up now.

On the other hand, he has pointed from being a baby, he does pretend play eg trying to feed his cuddly toy some breakfast and he often wants me to look at things he sees such as a truck on the road. He's also very affectionate and asks for cuddles a lot.

I know no one can diagnose but do you think I'm on the right lines when I say they suspect aspergers?

Maggie my DS's key worker expressed almost exactly the same concerns about him a couple of months ago (he's 3.4 months now), also that he barely spoke at nursery - though he's a chatterbox at home! Now that he does talk with staff (and occasionally other children) there are additional concerns about his speech patterns and lack of social skills. He's had some referrals made as he'll likely need support for moving up to Foundation stage.

Have the staff offered any support/referrals for your DS, or suggested any "next steps"? Nursery teachers aren't likely to be qualified to make a diagnosis, and "suggesting" a particular condition might cause problems. Do you and your DP have concerns?

Sorry I can't be of much help - I'm right at the beginning of seeking a diagnosis and still shocked to realise my little one has additional needs.

Hi Bedelia, yes they have suggested he is referred to an ed pysch. They have not suggested a diagnosis but from the questions they have asked I think that is what they are thinking. you can tell a lot from the questions you are asked ( that's how I realised I had a mh condition myself several years ago (treated now) as I looked up what I thought I may have and there were all the questions I'd been asked in the diagnostic criteria)

I don't see him with other kids that much myself now as I work full time, but he can be very funny about trying new things, very tantrum-y and recently he said he didn't want to go to nursery unless the other kids weren't there! although he's since gone back to saying he likes it.

I guess we will just have to wait and see, but I wondered if anyone who's child has had a ASD diagnosis could say whether the things I've said could be indicative of this, or recognise these behvaiours. I know no one on here can diagnose and that's not what I'm looking for.

I'm sad for my son if he is different as it will make life harder for him, but I love him all the more.

Hi maggie Fwiw I think you could be right about the list of issues that the nursery staff have talked about!

It doesnt mean your son has Aspergers though! What it means is that they have noticed he is struggling in those areas and that they have noticed which is brilliant!

The staff can now get help to support your son and hopefully help him to develop the skills he is lacking.

If the EP comes in to nursery and has a strong feeling that your son needs assesssing for Aspergers or Asd then he or she will discuss that with you.

I think its great that you and the nursery are on the ball with this. It means that whatever the outcome your son will get the best possible chance at coping at nursery and on into school.

Good luck and keep coming on here for advice and support

From the point of view of getting help in a mainstream world, it doesn't matter so much what diagnosis a DC has. If he would manage peer interactions more easily if he had some speech and language therapy (speech may be fine, but body language etc may be different from the bog-standard) then he should have the therapy regardless of the diagnosis - it should be enough that the staff see him doing things in a non-standard way.

Same with his eating things. If he seems to have some sensory issues then a sensory OT may suggest things to reduce DC's sensitivity, and early intervention is the name of the game.

Lack of a diagnosis should not operate as a bar to getting help if you think it would help him to have it.

Thanks Senvet. I'm a bit new to all this, I had an inkling my son was a bit 'quirky' but it's been a bit of a shock to be told he needs to see a psychologist. They did also mention a SALT but then said they were thinking more an Ed Psych.

Are you saying that whoever sees him will be able to suggest ways to help him whether he is diagnosed or not? That's great but if he does have aspergers (or anything else for that matter) I think it would help in the long run if that is diagnosed and then we know what we are dealing with.

I guess I only see one side of him as I work full time so I don't really see him around other children, we don't have friends with kids his age. He does seem to shy away from playing with other children and want to play with adults instead. I think it's more of a case that he's not really interested in playing with them, rather than him trying to and they don't want to, but I'm worried that if he doesn't develop social skills now then if he does want to play with the other children when he's older, he will be behind in terms of social development and get left out or rejected.
(I'm also aware that I'm probably projecting a lot of my own fears from my own childhood on to this as that was my experience.

It's all been a bit of a shock to be honest as I didn't think he was anything other than the quirky side of 'normal' and now to be told he needs to see a psychologist at the age of nearly 4 is just a bit worrying tbh.