Do siblings of children with ASD pick up on their behaviour?

[MrsTawdry]

I'm posting for a friend. Her DS is 4 and he's autistic...moderate. He has varying success socially and his language is impaired but he's settled well in reception with his one to one. It's a very large school but he;s fine. Anyway...his sister is 2. She's displaying some slightly worrying behaviour in that her language isn't "in" yet.

She has a few words "Bye" "Boo" "Hi" and "mink" which is milk.

She seems to have largely stopped much eye contact and spends quite a lot of time wandering though she loves peek a boo and dancing with people if they carry her.

Friend is worried about 2 year check...she's worked herself up a lot and is wanting to know whether her brother's behaviour has rubbed off on her or if perhaps it's "Her fault" because she's spent so much time with her son....I've told her it's not her fault.

She's very worried and I said I'd ask here.

Definitely NOT her fault. There is no way parents can split themselves in two, teleport, or turn back time. Now if those things were available and she hadn't taken advantage of them, then maybe, but otherwise, 100% 'NO'.

There is no obvious way to test if DC2 is imitating DC1 or is following her own development path. Thinking off the top of my head, I guess how she is with kids at play group or swimming or soft play etc might be relevant.

My DD had some odd speech things when 2, and they ironed out. My friend came to the rescue (she is a qualified nursery nurse) and said get down to her level and make sure she can see you talking to her. My friend was great taking lots of time to explain everything from the vegetables in the supermarket, to the bleeping at the tills, and the sound of the car engine. She did the slowest and most informative supermarket shops when our 4 kids were out together!

I wish I had more info, but if it is imitated it should iron out in company with other kids, - maybe not immediately, but in the years to come - and if it is her own developmental path, then that is never mum's fault, so no, again no basis for it being mum's fault.

I doubt this is copied behaviour. Something as basic as eye contact should be innate and not affected by an older sibling having poor eye contact. The lack of speech won't be copied either.

Maybe something like hand flapping, spinning, unusual sounds, etc. might be copied. But not eye contact and lack of speech.

I'd advise her to see a developmental paed. Sorry this is probably not what she wants to hear.

Yes definitely best to get the assessment greener; as you say it can't do any harm. Fingers crossed for you.

The eye contact thing is interesting, as it has been proved to be a way of developing an understanding other people. Without eye contact it would be very difficult to do this. In your friend's DD's case though, she may have learned from her brother that eye contact is something that can create a negative response so she may have learned not to do it.

Without a very good paediatrician I think it will be very hard to tell whether or not the DD's behaviour is a learned response to DS's behaviour.

Perhaps you could do some experiments yourself next time you see them (or suggest it to your friend) - show DD the eye contact on a regular basis over time and see if her behaviour changes.