is this shyness or AS?

[undergroundernie]

My just 4 year old ds has been at preschool for 9 months and rarely interacts with other children. He watches them but doesn't talk to them. He seems to be happy at preschool and is relaxed about going and when I pick him up. He is an explosive child at home and has had violent tantrums often sparked by things that shock him, if he hurts himself or if he feels out of control. He doesn't usually tantrum because he wants something he can't have. He hates hand dryers and balloons, and often puts his hands over his ears in crowded places. I have read a Tony Attwood book on AS and there are some parts that seem to apply to him, but I also wonder if he is just too young to diagnose, or whether I am looking for problems where none exist.
I just worry about him in social settings, he is not confident or relaxed, he won't react if other children hit him or push him, he just bottles it up and will eventually explode.
Does anybody have any advice on what I should look for or who I should talk to?

No, I haven't done anything yet other that watch and think about it (obsessively). I think I'll talk to his preschool tomorrow. I'm worried about being thought over-anxious I think- which i know is ridiculous - but generally people wouldn't think theres anything wrong, he's a quiet child but just appears to get on with his own thing.

undergroundernie-do you have any other concerns about your DS? Does he exhibit a lot of anxiety; have sensory issues other than the dislike of loud noise; rigid routines?
My DS is 7 and was dx when he was 6; his problems had become a lot more pronounced once he started primary school and particularly in year 1. 6 is apparently the most common age for AS to be dx becuase it is typically when problems become more evident with the pressure of school, as with my DS.
The Tony Attwood book is excellent-I must admit when I first read it (while DS was being assessed), I knew without a doubt that he was AS. Do you get that gut feeling with your DS?

He does exhibit a lot of anxiety, in the way he responds to things that scare or upset him, he doesn't express it verbally and will deny that anything is wrong if he is asked. It makes him more upset to be asked what is wrong and often that will spark a tantrum. He is learning to take himself somewhere quiet when he feels really agitated/angry/upset and that is lessening the tantrums. I try to talk to him afterwards when he is completely calm and relaxed. He spilt milk on his trousers at preschool today and they made him put on a dry pair. He is now very fragile and has put the wet pair back on. He puts his hands over his ears and shouts at me to go away if I mention it.
When I read the Tony Attwood book my feelings were mixed. At first I thought no this doesn't describe him because a lot of the examples are older children but reflecting on it and reading it again my gut feeling is that he does have it (and so do I) but maybe only mildly. But then it will probably become clearer as he gets older. I'm just concerned about leaving it and then having to wait years for a diagnosis. I also have mixed feelings about how helpful a diagnosis would be, but I know I have found him easier to cope with since reading the book and I find his behaviour less frustrating.
I think what I'm looking for is reassurance that my concerns aren't ridiculous and to hear other peoples experiences of getting a diagnosis, how hard it was, whether it helped or not, and how their children cope with the social demands of school.

Hi ~ I can totally sympathise. My own dd spent 5 yrs being wrongly labelled until eventually we saw an expert in complex communication difficulties. As my dd is quite mild it was harder to dx and being a girl they do present differently.
Once she hit 6 it was far more obvious and I really needed to know but felt anxious at the same time having her "labelled".
The cp explained that at the end of the day if dd had diabetes we would know that that was what it was and so why be different about asd. It is what it is iykwim.
Personally knowing has been far better for me than kind of knowing but not being sure.
It has opened doors and helps people understand why dd is the way she is.
Good luck xx

I know the diagnosis has certainly helped enormously for us. My DSs problems became very acute when he was 5 and in year 1-his issues with food worsened to the point of his literally not eating, and he became very distressed about a lot of things at school.
I would certainly advise you to ask for an aseessment sooner rather than later-I wish we had known before he started primary school as we may have been able to foresee some of the difficulties and lessen his distress.
Tell your GP why you are concerned and ask for a referral-these things take months anyway so the sooner you get things moving the better really.

Hi undergroundernie. My ds has finally received a AS diagnosis aged 6. I really sympathise with you and I know what you are going thru. My ds hates loud noises and puts his hands over his ears - the pediatrician said this was typical of AS.

He also has problems socialising and has tantrums like a two year old if things don't go his way. Just about manages to hold it together at school but is liable to blow up in situations where a NT would cope easily. There are quite a few AS things which is doesn't have - e.g he understands humour and does not take things literally. However the pediatrician said it was a spectrum and not all kids exhibit the same problems. She had no problems diagnosing him however.

IMHO it is really worth pursuing a diagnosis. This would have saved a lot of trouble in reception. The teacher there was totally unsympathetic to DS constantly shouting at him which was a total waste of time. It only made him frightened of going to school. If he had had a diagnosis she would have had to take things more seriously and he would have got at the very least more attention from a teaching assistant. The earlier you get a diagnosis the sooner he can start getting the support he needs. The pediatrician said that the outlook was very good for AS kids provided they get help at the right stages.

Good luck with all this, there are lots of on here with kids with this problem and it has really helped me reading other postings.

hi
my son is AS and he presents very similar to your son so my advice would be no matter how many professionals tell you differently follow your gut instinct and push for an assessment either via your gp health visitor,school nurse or the school themselves. My experiences havent been very good and it can take a long time to get someone to take your concerns seriously. In the end i was beginning to believe i was going mad and perhaps i was just overprotective, but i wasnt and DS was eventually dx aged 9.
He is your son you know him better than anyone and if you think something isnt quite right chances are they arent.
There are lots of good books out there that give a good general overveiw of AS but you must remember that no 2 kids with AS will be exactly the same so not everything applies to each and every child some kids may be sociable others not,some have empathy others dont,some are quiet some are loud, some dont like to be touched others have food issues it is such a wide spectrum that really if you are concerned then it really is something you should seek support with.
good luck

School were not interested in helping me get a diagnosis. In the end I rang the GP explained my concerns. She then referred me to pediatrician (6 months wait). The pediatrician diagnosed him after a one and half hour appointment. I wish I had done this earlier, I can see the school are taking me more seriously now and also it helps to explain things to other parents. Most people are sympathetic and will make more allowances for DS now.

Also agree with caoline3 that once you have a dx its much easier to explain things to other people and when its been confirmed its easier for you too, as suddenly you know why your ds needs to do things and they cease to cause embarrassment and you accept those things as part of your child . Hope you and your ds get some answers soon so that he can get any support he needs

Undergroundernie - my ds1 is a little bit like this. I think he teeters on having difficulties but so far we haven't taken it anywhere. He hates and has always hated 'white noise' - handryers, hairdryers, hoovers. He hates not being in control and didn't socialise with other children until he was at least 4. At nursery he refused to acknowledge there were even any children in the room with him. He didn't talk to anyone except me and dp until he was about 3, even though he's incredibly intelligent.

When I've filled in DIY questionnaires, he scores dreadfully on the social/communication things, but OK on everything else.

He's started in reception now and we met with his teacher for the first mini review last week. She said he's very 'helpful' in that he always reminds her when things aren't going quite to plan - order of things, or running late etc.!! This is just like him - but we were quite pleased he was at least communicating with her!

So far we're just keeping an eye on him. She said (in a nice way) that realising how intelligent he is, she was a bit surprised his writing is so bad. It's atrocious and I'm not sure if AS children also don't start or like to write - as it's another form of communication. He's not interested in learning to write - or doesn't want to because he's a real perfectionist and because he knows he can't do it perfectly, he won't do it at all. The teacher also picked up on the fact that he's "a real worrier" as she put it.

Sigh. At least we feel she's got the measure of him! Good luck if you decide to get further help.

Hi, My DS is 10 and although we've always had concerns, we have only recently asked the school to have him assessed - mainly because he always got such glowing reports from the school at parent evenings; although he could be terrible at home - screaming rages when he was little just if someone moved his toy, can't be near anyone eating crisps cos of the smell, hates going out, can't stop making noises sometimes, likes to have one arm inside his clothing etc etc - a lot of it we've just got used to, but when you start listing it you realise there's a lot. We've asked for an assesment now because of him approaching adolescence and getting near senior school age when there will be more for him to cope with. Also it's becoming more apparent at school - they can get away with more when they're younger. However we should have got it done sooner I think. I have no idea what sort of assessment it will be for someone this age (by the educational psychology service) - has anyone else had a similar situation and can advise?

Thankyou for sharing, I have spoken to my sons preschool teacher today. She seemed to have built up a good picture of him and said that they were watching his social interaction and trying to find him a 'buddy' to pair up with. They were also encouraging him to try out different areas of the room as he tends to stick with the activities he's comfortable with. She said she often finds that children can come out of themselves the term after they're 4 and suggested we wait and see. I felt she took me seriously and said her own son who is now 20 was very similar. I'm happy with this as I know they're not neglecting his needs whereas I was worried about him just plodding through each session in his little comfort zone without being encouraged to branch out.