son has aspergers.

[frankiebuns]

My ds is 4 and have just started the process of official diagnosis although peadatrician said it was text book. My son constantly drums on things like a ritual or soothe him loves music has a attention span of a fly hardly eats and everything is his way or no way! Which is getting increasingly difficult we now have to brief him for about a week before anything new happens surprised are a no no he has made a few close.friends but I km not entirely sure the school I have put down for him is right. If I was to put him a special.needs school mum thinks he will become more eccentric and individual and main stream school would normalize him. She has been I denial over this for ages I'm a young mum and kinda took her lead in things she'd make me cancel appts speak for me so I didn't bring it up or speAk to hv if they phoned I've been noticing th I'll bags haven't been right since he was 2. My brother on the other hand is so condescending my son adores him but he can't be bothered when I got pregnant with dd he made this speech f2f hat he would not be bothered about dd and be my ds mate that's lasted 2 weeks he isn't a teenager h ess s in his 30's the paeds said to carry on as normal until we see Dr in March I'm at my wits end

Sadly, simply attending a mainstream school is not a cure for "AS". Infact, in my ds's case it accentuated their differences and taught them some very anti-social behaviour. Having said that they were at a large, mainstream school where the staff had had little experience of dealing with children with AS and there are some schools that do much better.

Special school is also probably only feasible if you have an EHCP in place for your son so if you haven't already pursued this start looking it into straight away. I would recommend making an appointment with the SENCO at your local schools and see what help they might be prepared to put in and their attitude. Has he been attending any playgroup or preschool and what are their views?

What you need to do is talk to the SENCO at the local school and see what facilities they have, and look up on IPSEA the steps needed to obtain a statement or EHCP (am in Wales, so only know statements).

Also ask what is available in your area: where I am we have bases which are a halfway house between SN and mainstream- the kids get specialist support but on a mainstream campus so they can access as much or little as they are able: two of mine attend Comp Bases, and most primary kids with SN around here attend these, either mixed SN or specific autism units.

With a diagnosis of Asperger's you will have to be particularly proactive, as many kids with that dx never need to have a statement and LEAs will resists if at all possible- yes money but also because traditionally that's what they do. Many parents of children with Sn find they become tiger mothers and I certainly have had to.

Have a look at the NAS website as well, get a feel for the information there as well, and make links within the local Sn community as IME you will find FAR more there than from official sources. Our SN rugby club was a lifeline that way.

WRT to warnings and the rest- yes it's hard work. Timetables of the visual sort are useful, and you can play with types to find what works for you- EBay often has good ones. have one with schedules on as far in advance as you can displayed, and another where your child proactively puts completed activities on with velcro so he can get that sense of where he is in his day. Get timers for countdowns to make things tangible for him, whether fancy 20 minute ones from specialist shops, poundland ones or tablet apps- find what works for your child. Make as much of the day a comfy routine but try not to be absolute- even if it ends in tears, a deviation on the way home or in the morning can mean just enough flexibility to survive an emergency. trampolines are fab for desensitising a child when they arrive home, though some seem to fare better with a quiet activity such as a jigsaw or the same DVD- again it's hit and miss (we have 3 on the spectrum here and they are all different).

Good luck; the time around diagnosis can be very hard emotionally but you will both get there.

Being in a mainstream school does not “normalize” kids. Some kids with Asperger’s can cope in mainstream and some cannot. It is being in the right setting that helps to “normalize” a child. My DS’s behaviour becomes more eccentric when he is stressed, and when he is feeling relaxed and happy he seems much more “ordinary”. Different children might feel more calm and settled in a mainstream school with additional support, or a communications unit in a mainstream school, or a special school. He just needs to be wherever he feels comfortable and where people understand him, and where he can learn. My DS has Asperger’s Syndrome and he has done well in mainstream school but I also know other young people who didn’t cope with mainstream and have done very well in special schools.

It must be a very emotional time for you and your mum. It’s OK to take things slowly but don’t let your Mum put you off. It’s a good idea to talk to the SENCO at your son’s school and you could also talk to some special schools, see what they are like and whether they might suit your DS better. The different assessments that your DS is given when he is being diagnosed will help to make it clearer what kind of school he will need.

It sounds as if your brother had a few issues of his own, try not to take what he says to heart.