My daughter is 8. She has always been challenging behaviour wise, her 'red book' from health visitor visits all those years ago document our difficulties with behaviour and feeding issues (super fussy). Over the years we've had ups and downs. Times when I've thought all is actually ok and other times I just cannot work out where I'm going wrong.
I suspect at the moment she is experiencing some hormone surges & perhaps that is why her behaviour appears magnified, but I've muddled along for so many years with her, persuading myself that all is fine, that now I'm worried I've had it all wrong the entire time & that frightens me quite honestly. Here are my concerns:
*what she will eat (as in range of food) is becoming smaller & smaller despite consistently working on this. She wont even humour me and try things anymore. She refuses to eat breakfast unless its a specific brand cereal, I have tried everything to get her to eat other more healthy breakfasts, but she will just eat nothing unless she gets the specific cereal. If she is out without me she doesn't appear to eat, so she could go all day without eating not getting hungry signals until we are at crisis point.
*When she is out without me she does not get her needs met. She will go without drinking, eating and even has been known to wet herself instead of asking an adult to help her.
*She is highly controlling. She tells me how to drive (back seat driver!)
*She is breathtakingly rude to some adult members of the family. She has a high level of social justice and to adults she knows (ie family) she will be very forceful in her point of view and will not accept or tolerate unfairness. This may seem good in some ways but it is causing me problems. I cannot leave older family members to babysit her and her toddler brother anymore. She cannot bear him being told off by them or reprimanded in anyway whatsoever & I have been told she is rude and disrespectful. I think what happens is she believes everyone MUST go by the rules she is used to (and I do have rules and boundaries with her), but if someone else comes in and tries to move the boundaries she will rebel big time & will point blank refuse to do what they ask her.
I feel rather cross on the one hand with some of the adults in question. My daughter is bright and is a force of nature sometimes but I have overheard them arguing with her like she is an adult herself! She is at the end of the day an eight year old and I don't think they should be getting into wrangles with her. This is not to say that she should get her own way but they should make their point and firmly stick to it, but in a quiet and calm manner.
These people are telling me I have lost perspective because often parents cannot see the wood for the trees with their own kids. They think she is the one with the problem. She should basically just 'be seen and not heard' and should do what she is told with no question.
Oh dear, this is an essay! Can anyone offer any words of help of what to do? My DD is beginning to think she is an awful person. Her self-esteem is low. She tells me she is bossy and not a nice person. It makes me feel really sad.