NT(?) Dts2 having issues at school

[minionmadness]

We have dts's (6) Dts1 was dx with ASD aged 3. I knew from around the age of 18 months really. Never any doubt.

We are currently having a nightmare of a transition with him into YR2, quite severe behaviour problems, although with lots of support both at home and school things are slowly beginning to settle down. Understandably I've had a lot on my plate since DH works away during the week.

Since they were small I have always had a niggle about dts2, and was always asked by professionals if I had any concerns since his dtb has ASD. I guess since dts1 issues were so obvious this clouded my perception. Those niggles have never gone away.

Up to the end of YR1, it was reported that he has been doing very well, loves school and NC levels of 2A/B's at the end of YR1. At every parents evening I would ask if the CT had any concerns, No, was always the firm reply. He got a fantastic report end of YR1 so I put my concerns to the back of my mind and decided to just watch and wait.

He went into YR2 in September and for the first time since starting school his CT has raised concerns about him. He appears to be doing some odd things in class like hiding and not answering his name in register, we've also had a meltdown. He is struggling socially, not in the sense of having friends but in his understanding of interactions, although he is very sensitive. He is the tallest in his class but seems to let others get the better of him. He has a different CT for Maths who has said that he appears to not understand what is being asked of him, (this has always a concern for me) and seems quite withdrawn at times. When I've spoken to him, he tells me he hates YR2, the CT and TA's.

Now I'm torn, for me these issues have always been there, but never reported from school. So now I'm questioning my judgement and wondering if these issues are due to a combination of the fallout from dts1's behaviour since it is clearly having a detrimental effect on all the family and also the focus on my time has been with dts1. I haven't been ignoring dts2 but he hasn't had as much of my attention. Or is there something going on, the main concern is processing of information/instructions. I've seen it at all his after school activities, he just doesn't seem to understand what he's been asked to do in the same way the other children do. This results in low self esteem and upset.

I suppose my questions is... from what I've written what would you propose my next move should be.

Many kids mask their difficulties in school so the only place they are seen is at home. It's often only when things become too overwhelming that they also start to exhibit anxiety-related behaviour at school as well.

On that alone and with his twin's dx, I'd have been asking for referrals

"he just doesn't seem to understand what he's been asked to do in the same way the other children do."

That's a processing difficulty, now you have two reasons to ask for referrals

It is definitely worth investigating. We had a bit of a similar dilemma with my twins as ds1 started having problems several months before ds2 and school thought at first it might be just competitive attention seeking and copying. In actual fact both now have an AS diagnosis and whilst certain behaviour may be copied e.g. hiding under tables if his twin does that at home I am not sure obsessive behaviour could be. Even if it is copying behaviour an agency like CAMHS might be able to give support (?play therapy) to help overcome this so I would visit your GP and ask for a referral.

Social demands really do increase as they get older so it is often only as they progress through primary that difficulties become apparent. No teacher raised any concern about mine (other than speech) until they were in Year 4 and now they are in specialist schools.

Thank you. You're right, I'll go and see the GP and start the ball rolling. It might be something, it might be nothing, won't know that though unless he's seen. I've just been so wrapped up in Dts1 this last couple of months that I feel very guilty that dts2 has probably been struggling and I've missed it and let him down.

It has been so bad with dts1 that we have considered whether SS might actually be better for him. He has to have full time 121 to cope and this is a massive regression from where we where in YR1. Thankfully things are slowly beginning to calm down. This morning though he wasn't happy to go into class when we got to school (they are doing an activity that is not the norm) we have prepared him but he still wasn't coping, so I had to leave dts2 to it (again) and follow dts1 around the playground so he didn't disappear out of the gates, so didn't even get to say goodbye to dts2 properly.

By the way CAMHS did some sessions with dts1 and IMHO they were next to useless for his acute anxiety and obsessive worries. I have done a better job myself by listening to recommendations on here and working with him myself.