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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

I would be grateful for some advice on where to go from here re SN boy in DD's class

22 replies

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 16:38

I would be really grateful for some advice. I?m sure a lot of you will remember the thread I had, quite a while ago now, about the boy with SN in DD?s class who was violent towards her and I had a bit of a row with his Mum in the playground after the children had gone into school.

Basically, I was forcibly told by MN to try and be part of the solution rather than the problem.

I tried to nicely discuss it with his Mum. I asked if there was anything I could do to help to try to stop this situation re-occurring, could I lobby the school/governors/local press on her behalf? I asked what the boy?s SN actually were, so I could read up on it.

In a nutshell, she said that he wasn?t as bad as they made out, she didn?t want to discuss his SN with me or anybody else, that there was no point lobbying anybody as she had been offered a place at a specialised SN school, with transport to and from it, but that she had turned it down because he wasn?t as bad as people made out and she wanted him in mainstream school.

I thought there was nothing else for me to do or say and just told DD to keep out of his way if he was being a bit silly (sorry if that offends anybody, I was talking to a 6 year old and didn?t know how else to phrase it). He?s now started again, after a period of relative calm, apart from the usual scrapes that children of that age get into. Last week he threw a large stone at her which hit her between the eyes and today he has pushed her, roughly by all accounts, to the floor. Where do I go from here? I really don?t know what to do.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

anniediv · 02/10/2006 16:40

SN or not, surely the school should be sorting this out for your daughter? Have you spoken to the teacher about what has happened today?

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 16:42

No we've just found out. DH is going to discuss with teacher tomorrow. Idon't know if you remember the last thread, but school are basically saying they can't do anything.

OP posts:

anniediv · 02/10/2006 16:44

How frustrating! If the boy has an SN that is causing him to behave in that way, I wonder why the school do not have the facilities to deal with that. It is not fair that your child should suffer because of the school's shortcomings.

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 16:45

He has a full time carer one to one allday, but I don't think she supervises him at lunchtime/playtime or before or after school. Today's incident happened whilst they were waiting to go out to play.

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gigglinggoblin · 02/10/2006 16:52

my son has sn and was suspended from school several times for violence towards other pupils. i have since moved schools and it hasnt happened at new school, mainly because i think he is getting help there which was not given at other school.

it sounds like his mum is in denial which is not helpful for any of the children. hard as it is to say this, i think i would complain to the school and then to the lea if they do nothing. this will force the issue to be taken seriously by whoever is not doing so. if school are not helping him the lea may make them put things in place to help, if it is down to his mum being in denial she may well be forced to accept the place at the other school if that is all that can help.

xp refuses to admit ds has sn and it is such a shame, having the statement in place has made a massive difference to him. i really pity this boy if no one is helping. can understand your dilemma tho, you will appear to be a bit heartless but maybe discuss it with other parents first to see if this has happened to other kids and explain why you are doing it

gigglinggoblin · 02/10/2006 16:53

i dont mean in a gossipy way of course, just if there are some parents you talk to anyway you could mention it iykwim

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 16:54

I think you're right, but I really didn't want to appear like I was starting a witch hunt. I just don't see any other option at the mo

Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:

anniediv · 02/10/2006 16:57

MamaGP, dd1 was recently bullied by a child who was having a very very hard time at home. Whilst I had every sympathy for the poor child's situation, my primary concern is my child. I don't think trying to sort this for your dd is starting a witch hunt, because ultimately, the boy will benefit too.

FioFio · 02/10/2006 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

amynnixmum · 02/10/2006 17:12

I have been in a similar situation to gigglingoblin with my ds now 6. Like her we changed schools and he is much better now. He also has fulltime 1:1 support and is never unsupervised although he is allowed to run around with the others at breaktime. The school most certainly should be doing something about this situation. As a mother who has had to cope with a violent child, the mother of this boy has my sympathy but your dd has the right to be safe in school and the school has a duty of care to ensure that she is safe.

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 18:19

Thanks for your advice. I think I'll go to see the Head on Thursday (my next day off). I think she is in denial TBH.

OP posts:

Piffle · 02/10/2006 18:24

Could be the school playing down his SN in order not to have to provide extra resources out of their budget for him
Which is sinful.
This is a serious issue due to the violence aspect - the school CAN do something, they need to look at extra supervision or exclusion while support systems are put in place for this SN boy.

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 18:26

Is it a good idea for me to speak to Head? Did I do the right thing trying to discuss with his Mum or was I as insensitive as ever?

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Blandmum · 02/10/2006 18:33

If he has 1 to 1 through the 'working' school day and he is still violent at break/lunch then the school needs to look at its level of general supervision and ask if it is enough for this boy. If not then they need to look into whether he needs to have total 1 to 1, and cover himself at break and lunch.

having total 1 to 1 means, in my experience, that he must have quite profound special needs. He is obviously not being prevented from acting on his more violent urges and this is totaly unsatisfactory both for him, and also all the other children in the class.

I would raise your worries with the school.

Original poster

MamaGlamourPuss · 02/10/2006 22:41

Thanks mb. Will raise with school.

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WestCountryLass · 02/10/2006 22:51

Well if his Mum doesn't think he has SN that are "tht bad", will she accept him being labelled a bully then? Sorry, I know thats not very PC, and I am sure it is hard for her but the other children should not be in danger of getting injured.

I would certainly discuss this with the teacher, head teacher and governors if necessary. This child needs more supervision!!!!

MamaGhoul · 02/10/2006 23:01

Its very difficult isn't it. We had a "to-do" a while ago when he kicked DD and I was soooo fed up I waited until all the kids went inside and had a bit of a go at her

I got told off on here though

cat64 · 02/10/2006 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MamaGhoul · 02/10/2006 23:13

That's a good idea, thanks cat, I will certainly put it to them.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 06/10/2006 19:10

She's in denial and the only thng that will change her attitude is time, i am afraid. Plenty of research indicates that coming to terms with your childs SN is much like a bereavement, and I am sure you know that the bereavement process can take years to come through. I was in denial; I operated on a level of knowing and one of not believing quite at the same time, it finally evaporated last Saturday when DS attacked me in public- very significant feeling to be without that doubt.

That's nto to say that helps your daughter and I quite belive your daughter should be given the same access to safe play as if it were another NT child- NO child should be at risk in the school. As such, I thnk you DO need to raise this with the school and keep lobbying for the child to have one to one, Kidscape may well be able to advise on this.

But please don't blams the Mum; it may seem silly to you, she can't help it. There are three losers in this situation (you DD, her and her DS) and not one person asked for the lot they got.

Jimjams2 · 06/10/2006 19:18

It's hard to know without knowing the fiull story though. Agree absolultey not to judge the mother. We refused the first specialist place we were offered because we knew that ds1 would not receive an education there (honestly it is hopeless that place) so ended up in mainstream. had we been offered the school he is at now (SLD/PMLD) then we would have taken it from the start, and wouldn't have wasted everyone's time (not least ds1's) in mainstream, When I aksed about his current school I was told it was not suitable. It was never denial though, we actually thought ds1 would get more support in mainstream than he would in the place we had been offered.

On the other hand you've had a run in in the past, maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you about it? When I was going through the realisation that ds1 had autism (which happpened way before diagnosis). There were certain people I would talk to for an hour at a time about it, (about 4 people I think). I did not want to discuss it with anyone else.

If your dd is being hurt then take it up with the school. They can get the boy extra support without involving the mother, and its their duty to ensure your dd is safe.

Blandmum · 06/10/2006 19:19

and not only your dd and the other children, but extra support for the little boy's own sake.

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