Phone call from Headmaster

[minionmadness]

History is that ds1 is not coping since going into YR2 and we are having all manner of issues both in school and home.

Just had a phone call informing me that ds1 (ASD) 6 said to his TA that dad had his hands round ds2 (NT) throat and he was crying!

The reality was that we had just got in from football and ds2 was being grumpy because he was tired (football 7-8) and DH put his hands on his shoulders in a "oh what's the matter" making fun type of way. Ds2 then started to get frustrated and started crying whilst saying "get off"(again due to tiredness) and DH immediately let go.

Headmaster has said that he accepts my explanation (very kind of you sir) and won't be taking it further. However during the chat he said that ds1 was ok yesterday but not today, so what had upset him! I said I didn't know but again assured him that nothing had happened with ds2. He pushed further on why ds1 would be having issues...

I got the impression during the conversation that he was implying that ds1's issues since going into YR2 must be due to issues at home. I appreciate I might be being completely paranoid because he didn't actually say this.

It just felt like he was interrogating me. Clearly the truth is that ds1 took the situation literally and repeated it too his TA as he saw it in his mind. I know that HM doesn't now that and has to follow up any allegation but why am now sat here wondering under what circumstances ds1 would have told his TA this.

Should I follow this up with an e-mail to clarify our conversation.

I would - always best to confirm important conversations with school in writing ASAP. Send it to the head, and ask him for his comments if he disagrees with anything, within 10 working days.

Yes, an email along the lines of what you've said here would be sensible.

It could also be useful to say that he doesn't seem to be coping since going into Year 2 and suggesting a meeting to discuss what to do about this. Kills two birds with one stone - this needs to be discussed anyway, and this would also puts it on record that if anything his problems may be to do with school.

We've already had lots of meetings... ds1 still having issues in school. I'm trying to arrange a meeting with senco regarding applying for an assessment. School have put lots in place and being very receptive.

I'm probably being paranoid and way off the mark but it seems very coincidental and I'm now wondering if they have been grilling ds1 in school to try and dig some dirt on us.

Reading that last paragraph back makes me sound like a loon...

Even a great school will seek answers outside of school for why a child is behaving in a certain way during school, if they have run out of 'in-school' ideas.

Even the best training is woefully inadequate most often.

Minion - don't take it personally. Teachers have a legal responsibility to report any potential safeguarding concerns and HT is probably the safeguarding officer. The fact that you received a call is part of the safeguarding process and one that must be followed in schools according to government regulations.
You know you only want the best for your children and are caring for them well and this will be evident.

All the best with getting your DS the support he needs in school.

Thank you... I'm a little calmer today. We do want the best for ds1 and will keep pushing to achieve the support he needs, regardless. We have nothing to hide.

It's just so frustrating that our lives have to be on display for everyone to dissect and critique just because my child's disability causes him to have behavioural issues.

Why does the default of "It must be the child's home life" mostly override everything else.