Need advice re: DS age 7

[Needingsomeadvice]

DS is 7. He has a younger sibling with ASD diagnosed at 2. He is a very bright child, was a very early reader and is constantly trying to learn at home too, and often I feel like teachers and others cannot get past this. At school he is generally compliant and motivated to learn.
However, he has several traits that I can see as his DM are big red flags for an ASD or related issue.

1. He has problems when certain words are used, or certain songs - he will get the rage.

2.He doesn't seem to understand that he must use a different register when he is talking to different people. Likewise, he applies the same rules to everyone (EG demands to know why I am allowed to tell him off but not vice versa).

1. He can't stand having wet wrinkly hands after a bath or shower. Really can't touch anything afterwards. Consequently this is a battleground. Lately it is ending with him becoming aggressive or losing it and pushing me.
2. He can't wind down at night very easily. And if he gets overtired he can be up very late crying and out of control (unable to self regulate).
3. He still has continence issues occasionally such as leaving it too long and wetting himself, or wetting the bed. He is very sanguine about it, eg:

Me: DS, what is that wet patch there? DS. It might be wee (bends over to smell it)...yeah it smells like wee... Me:So you have done a wee on your bed...just now? DS. Yeah I must have done (shrugs). Me: You need to tell me these things. So are your trousers wet too I'm guessing? And you're just sitting in them reading? DS...Uhhhh....let me see. ...yeah they are wet too... Me: So you need to get changed while I go get some clean sheets... DS. Uhhhh yeah....anyway as I was saying...which is your favourite Avengers character...mine is... (carries on talking)

1. The huge explosive episodes when something is not as he expected, or not as planned. It doesn't matter if it's out of our control or not.

1. Socially he is struggling massively.

Last Friday was Parents evening. I had to explain my concerns to the third teacher (the first and second teacher obviously never felt the need to share the info to the next teacher). This teacher again tells me they can't see any of this at school. I am back at square one.
A year ago I saw the doctor and explained it all very carefully with notes. DS also described his difficulties very carefully. He referred us to CAMHS but then we were rejected as not coming under the right criteria .

I have been through everything with DC2 and it feels like we are climbing up a mountain with DS.

Any words of wisdom? I am pooped .

Dd3 was seen by a community paediatrician who eventually with a push referred her for a speech and language assessment in what is called in our area a complex communication clinic!

She was assessed in all areas of language and the therapist imediately agreed that she had difficulties with semantics and pragmatics as do most if not all people with Aspergers!

We also saw OT who noted her sensory issues although not until 3 yrs later did she get her SPD diagnosis.

She also has a diagnosis of Asd although she presents like someone with Aspergers.

School saw nothing either. Dd3 is the queen of masking and can hold it together until she gets home most of the time although we have had periods of major school anxiety and school refusal.

Go with your gut feeling and as polter says read, read and read some more!

Good luck

Thank you so much for your replies. It is a major thing to have someone 'believe' me.
It's just so depressing going to tell the teacher at parents' evening - back to square one again . They don't see anything at school, and I can see their point - at school he does a good job of keeping it all under wraps.
I am going to try a different GP this time maybe? The last one saw me without DS and then asked to see DS who told him the same things I had already - and then referred him to CAMHS which was unsuccessful. Would a GP refer to a developmental paed? I get the impression that CAMHS is all they will do...?

Bumping...sorry...but please does anyone know if a GP would ever refer just to a developmental paed or if they would just refer to CAMHS?

I think it depends on the pathway in your area. Dd3 started off being referred to paediatricians (not the right type though) and eventually ended up being diagnosed at CAMHS. I would just go to the GP with the list from your OP and any additional concerns that you have and ask the question. If your GP doesnt know what the pathway is then they can find out.

Good luck

Thanks .

I just feel like with school, with the doctor, etc they just look at me like I am making it up and have lost the plot. I have been through it all with DD, but obviously she has autism and was much younger, and there was a language/communication issue as well as much more obvious anxiety and inability to follow instructions, share attention etc. I still had to field people thinking she was just a typical toddler, just a bit lively, etc, but with him the reaction from everyone is disbelief and I feel like they are not willing to chase it up as to them he is not posing a problem. DS, to school, has no problems. I think this is the sticking point. He might be showing it all at home, but at school they see nothing. It is there, but he does keep on following rules, not making a big fuss, plus he is very very clever and people are always stuck on that.

If I had a pound for everytime someone said to me "...... oh, but they're very clever" to negate my ds's difficulties I would be rich indeed.

It is a very common experience to be rejected by CAMHS on first attempt. I would go back to your GP and stress whether you want a diagnosis (referral to community paediatrician's) or help with behaviours e.g. anxiety / meltdowns etc. To put it in perspective I think my ds's were rejected by CAMHS once (for not following correct referral pathway) and the community paediatricians twice (for not meeting criteria). We were eventually accepted by both teams after a very strong letter from the GP and they now both have a diagnosis of AS.

Your ds has a lot in common with my two so I do think it is worth persevering.