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Original poster

To take DS (3) out of preschool?

17 replies

Jefferson · 20/10/2014 18:32

Hello,
I posted this is AIBU but a poster suggested this board also to get opinions. Thanks in advance.

DS just turned 3 2 weeks ago. He immediately began pre-school. He is going because the nursery has a speech and language facility and he was referred due to a speech delay. He has to do 5 days a week,the afternoon session.
It's not going well.
He loved his naps and slept 2 hrs every day (!) which have had to be dropped. He's now ratty and miserable most days/evenings. The most he can do is conk out in front of the tv for ages after preschool which I hate.

He is just a baby to me and the youngest there. He's not great at going to the toilet by himself but he's sort of just left to it. He can't wipe himself properly or even tear off the toilet roll without getting it everywhere. And I've noticed his underwear is a little damp which makes me think he's goingby himself and not wiping.
They treat them quite grown up like children and he's just not like that. His speech is that of a small toddler really and I'm really worried about him.

He is also going to be there for 2 while yrs before he starts school due to his age. It seems like forever and like we have entered the school years already well before his time. He has a uniform and everything!

We can now never do anything or go anywhere or meet up for lunch before or after school as there's no time. It'll be dark by 4 soon!

Should I take him out?
My main issue is the speech and language therapy. He was given a place especially and I don't want them to be angry. I was hoping to 'defer' it until next yr but not sure if they will let me.

What do other people think?

OP posts:
autumnsmum · 20/10/2014 19:04

I would keep the place because of the salt input , having said which it's a shame you weren't offered a morning place

2boysnamedR · 20/10/2014 19:06

Is there anyway he could just do part time or mornings? To Ease him in?

PolterGoose · 20/10/2014 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2boysnamedR · 20/10/2014 19:07

I wouldn't pull him completely out. This may be your only chance to get him the help he needs. At the same time it sounds tough

PolterGoose · 20/10/2014 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

autumnsmum · 20/10/2014 19:13

You can always do soft play etc in the holidays , having said which my dd2 hates the places

Bilberry · 20/10/2014 19:23

If he is in a specialist language unit then I wouldn't pull him out as you may lose your chance to get that level of help. However, I might think about starting with 3 afternoons until after Christmas. At this point he also will stop being the youngest as other 3 year olds would start then. Speak to the them about the toileting issues. Will he do mornings next year when he is 4? You can still meet up with people/children in the mornings. I wouldn't plan much for after preschool/school until he is in his second year of schooling (P1).

2boysnamedR · 20/10/2014 19:33

I think my toddlers going to speech pre school but they are for 3+ here. I wouldn't want him going five days at this age as mentally he is still 1.

I hope they can compromise

PolterGoose · 20/10/2014 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooMummyMoo · 20/10/2014 20:21

Before you pull him out I would definitely ask about moving to AM. Even if they can't do it immediately, at least they'll be aware of your desire and can maybe accommodate you if something comes up. Also it is still very early days, perhaps persevere a bit longer and see if he settles/gets used the routine

Original poster
Jefferson · 20/10/2014 20:48

Thanks for msgs so far.
It's a bit if a faff but we can't do mornings. I work PT and on those days he's at a day nursery which very helpfully does drop off and pick ups to the preschool but only for the afternoon

OP posts:
AgnesDiPesto · 20/10/2014 20:55

He has been given a place because he has SEN and this is the way the council intends to meet its duty to provide for his SEN. It can't meet his speech and language needs if he's asleep or too tired when he should be getting therapy. I agree I would ask for a morning.

if they refuse I would apply to the council for statutory assessment and see if that prompts a rethink. You could say there is inadequate adult:child ratio for his needs (e.g. toileting problems) or that need morning placement or a home programme as this is more suitable for his age and developmental level. I would hope a Council would try and find a solution (give nursery extra money for 1:1 so can take an extra child) rather than force you down this route.

I would also ask nursery for a home / nursery communication book (which surely should be standard in a SLT unit)

I would mention he has been wet several times when coming home and your concerns he is not getting enough supervision for toileting. Point out he is only just 3 and developmentally a much younger child. DS was 6 before he went unsupervised.

If it happens again I would write in the book 'DS came home wet again today' etc
That way you can build evidence for more help e.g. 1:1
I would also regularly photograph the book (lots of scanner apps you can get on phones which save photos as pdfs) in case it 'disappears' - which is not uncommon when you go down the statutory assessment route.

The only other option is to get him up super early and try and fit in a sleep late morning. But I appreciate that could just result in him arriving at nursery bleary eyed and crabby (and a very early start for you).

I would be wary of not accessing intervention because if the SLT works then he will benefit hugely from having that intervention early. If it doesn't work then you will be better placed to demand something more, if you end up in that battle you really can't start that early enough.

AgnesDiPesto · 20/10/2014 20:57

oops cross posted
If he's in another nursery too then maybe you can ask for increased slt visits to that nursery to train them up?

Ineedmorepatience · 20/10/2014 21:45

While I think it is brilliant that your Ds has been given the opportunity to go to this specialist setting, it does seem utterly bonkers that he has to do every afternoon even though he clearly isnt readyHmm

At the end of the day you know your Ds the best, better than anyone else and dont let them try to convince you otherwise.

If you know he isnt ready for every day, keep telling them that you are going to reduce his days.

Dont ask their permission, you are his mum. Be assertive.

Good luck Smile

Original poster
Jefferson · 20/10/2014 22:52

Thanks for all the opinions and advice especially Agnes

OP posts:
Original poster
Jefferson · 20/10/2014 22:54

There is a home school book but it just tells me what he played with during the sessions.
I want to ask them if we can take up the place in the summer term again but would that be possible? It means that they have to keep a place for us and that's an issue funding wise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jefferson · 20/10/2014 22:55

Or if he could do mornings 3 days a week and afternoons the 2 days he's at childcare but they were quite adamant this wouldn't be possible from the start. Just seems very inflexible

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