Is this fair? School issue

[Sameshitdifferentusername]

My 7 year old is being assessed for possible aspergers. This was brought to my attention by her teacher last year, so her current teacher should be aware of it.

She takes things very literally. She also doesn't know when to stop talking sometimes (not uncommon in many children I know!).

She was talking in class today. Her teacher asked her "have you finished?" twice. DD said no and continued talking. So obviously she got a bollocking and DD started to cry because she hadn't understood. She was still upset this evening.

Should I speak to teacher about this? I know DD shouldn't be talking in class, but I think her teacher needs to know that she needs to be more explicit with her or she won't understand.

Yes I'd have a word..nicely but clearly explain that the teacher needs to say exactly what she means ' please stop talking now' !! My DS2 has autism and is very verbal (ie never shuts up) and has no concept of it being inappropriate to keep going (he's 17 now!) and we have to be blunt.. 'stop now.. stop talking'

He doesn't take offence (but it only stops him for about 20 seconds )

I'd have a word with the teacher, because it's a classic case of a child taking language literally.

The teacher needs to understand that she should have said:

"X stop talking!"

This principle will help her out when dealing with many SEN children over the coming years - such as those with ASD, SLI, dyspraxia, ADHD, etc!

offs.

are you sure they know? sometimes things do not get passed on.

The (fantastic) head of our special school said she only realised how important it was to say EXACTLY what you mean, when she told a child to 'go to the toilet and wash your hands'

...and a few minutes later found him doing just as she said...in the toilet bowl

Oh dear medusa

I'm beginning to wonder if it has been passed on. Maybe it has but her teacher isn't very aware of stuff like this.

It's parents evening next week so I will bring it up.

Ds was once caught practising karate kata on the school playing field, a bit too close to some other children, and the bitch from hell Deputy Head asked him if he had a licence to practise karate, to which ds replied (truthfully) "Yes", and carried on. That didn't go down well ...

I really don't think it registers with a lot of teachers. It should be obvious but it isn't.

medusa I remind staff at the early years setting regularly not to tell children to go to the toilet and wash their hands!!

They always look surprised when I make it clear to them how some children would interpret this instruction!!

same I would definietly go and talk about it. Dd3 had massive problems with a teacher last year who refused to consider they way that she used language while Dd3 was in the room. Her lack of understanding led to Dd3 school refusing and being placed on a reduced timetable and ruining her last year of primary school.

Language and the way is is used has a lot to answer for !!

My experience :

Never ever assume that info is passed on from one teacher to the next.

never ever assume a new teacher / medical professional will have read their file.

Too many times I did this... children suffered, as people working with them hadn't had time or inclination to look at information given already, so didn't have a clue how to interact / understand the children's needs / behaviour.

Hugely frustrating, but seems to be standard practice unfortunately.

Always speak to new staff at beginning of year to see that your child's needs are on their radar.

Just as you explicitly explain things to your child with ASD, so you need to do so with new teachers. Most don't have a clue what ASD means and will base their knowledge on one child they have encountered before. (quite a revelation to most teachers that not all kids with Autism are the same and that different individuals present and function differently!)

Simply telling them - "Susie has ASD" won't help your child. You need to be precise "Susie has ASD. She can't deal with changes to routine... she needs to be prepared... she needs things to go on her visual timetable... she takes everything you say at face value and her understanding of language is literal... etc etc"

Is a very rare occurrence for information to actually travel with the child!

A brief 'one page person profile'clearly delineating your child's strengths /weaknesses / needs etc. is far more likely to be read than a file of paperwork.

Hate to be cynical but it's just what I've found over many children / many years dealing with schools and health professionals.

KISS (keep it short and simple) and never assume any prior knowledge!!

What ASDMummy said. A one page (double-sided perhaps with general description and then specific do/don't in column on back) 'passport' about how to effectively communicate with your child will be read and if not gives you something to hit staff over the head with as it will take less than a minute to read.

Give examples rather than be negative. So 'If I am behaving Inappropriately tell me what I shoukd do instead I.e 'please stop talking' or 'please stand here'. Avoid ambiguous language such as 'have you quite finished?' Because I won't understand what you want or that you are unhappy with me.

Or just on the back under headings 'what ai might not understand' and 'what will be clearer for me.

It drives it home.

Thanks for advice.

Sorry this is all new to me, and I will admit I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Her first appointment with community paeds is not till next month so it's early days. I've had no advice from anyone about what to do in the meantime. I'm not even sure if she will get a diagnosis as I have some doubts, she's definitely not a typical case.

I know she needs clear language.

She doesn't respond well to sarcasm or even the mildest and good natured teasing.

If you make a mistake she will point it out, even if you make the mistake on purpose (as in word play etc), and she often comes across as rude when she does this.

She gets upset very easily and often cries over minor things.

She's very fussy with food and smells is prone to vomiting if something tastes or smells bad.

She's gets incredibly anxious but this isn't apparent to her or anyone else (me and DH can tell) - she is outwardly quite confident and not shy at all.

Are these examples of things to write down for the teacher?

Yes. But be careful it is written factually and states that they are some of the reasons she has been referred for an ASD assessment, otherwise they won't see the difference from your list and that of a fussy parent writing things like:

'Jonny needs to eat all of his vegetable before he is allowed his desert otherwise he might get constipated. He needs a scarf on all outdoor activities as he is prone to ear infections. He cannot play with children with SEN otherwise he might copy them.' Etc.

One of the things on Dd3's original communication passport was "Do not attempt to forecfully encourage me to try new foods! I will vomit!!
Another was if I say I am going to be sick, then I am going to be sick!!
The second has remained on all subsequent passports/one page profiles. And it has helped to ensure that people (usually school staff) do not nag and hassle her to try things!

"Dd3 needs you to use clear and precise language and to check that she has understood" is on there too.

If you google "one page profile" you should find some examples to help you write one. You could get your Dd to help. Dd3 pretty much wrote her own for scout camp this year.

Good luck

Thanks for your help, I will try to get something together in time for parents evening.

starlight the thing you said about the fussy parent worries me and is probably why I'm slow to act.

When DD started in reception (way before the ASD thing was ever mentioned) she had a really hard time settling in and was still struggling by easter so I spoke to the reception teacher to try and get some support for her. He said she was a "drama queen" (his words) and implied I was too soft (nothing could be further from the truth).

I was furious at the time, but her next 2 teachers were really good with her, both mentioned ASD and her Y2 teacher was the one pushed me to get her assessed. I haven't got the measure of her new teacher yet so I'm not sure how anything I say will be taken.