Headteacher thinks DS has Asperger's, but I'm not sure.

[RuthieWhatnot]

Any advice / reassurance you have would be greatly appreciated. Feeling a bit stressed / worried / exhausted tonight.

DS is 5 and in Y1. During Reception there were a few issues with playfighting the the playground but nothing serious. Since starting Y1 this seems to have gotten worse. Yesterday DS threw a tennis racket at a little girl "Because she wouldn't stop running" and today he pulled another little girl down from a climbing frame by her legs (luckily she fell on grass and was fine).

The Headteacher asked me to come in to her office after school today and after explaining all of the above asked if I could take DS to the GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS because school think something isn't right. She suggested Asperger's, but I'm not convinced.

I think he has some of the traits, which school have obviously noticed. He is very good at maths and reading, but hates to write and has weak motor skills. He has favourite topics (normal things like dinosaurs and trains) and can talk about them at some length with adults (but not to the extreme as I've known some children with autism do). He sometimes interrupts conversations with something irrelevant that has just popped into his head. He does seem to have a problem with controlling his emotions and impulsivity and thinking through the consequences of his actions. After the incidents he doesn't seem to have much remorse / empathy.

However... DS's development has been completely normal and I have never suspected anything is wrong. My brother has CP so I have been very vigilant and wary of missed milestones, but until school no problems. DS doesn't mind changes to his routine, never has tantrums at home (though can be prone to tears in school when things don't go his way). In general at home he is a completely normal 5 year old boy.

I will take DS to GP anyway and talk through school's concerns. But am I alone in thinking this doesn't really sound like Asperger's? What else could be the problem?

Thanks x

It doesn't sound like Asperger's to me but then nothing you have said would make me discount it either. My boy could have been described as yours and he's been diagnosed with classic autism (though again, nothing you say would make me think that applied to your child either).

The best thing you could do at this point is ask for the school to put their concerns in writing. If they don't you do it and send it to them to clarify that is what they have told you. Their reply will give you more clues and be helpful for a GP visit.

My daughter was diagnosed yesterday with aspergers. It was first mentioned to us 2 months ago as a possible reason for her behavioural problems, and we dismissed it immediately because she has had no development problems apart from motor skills. Once we began to reflect on it and look more objectively at her behaviour and the problems it creates we soon realised that she absolutely met, and indeed exceeded, the criteria. We tried different strategies to help improve things that are used with autistic/aspergers children and they were successful.

It can feel like a body blow to hear something about your child that you had never seen or considered, give yourself some time to think about it. It may be helpful to look at the icd10 criteria and see what sort of areas they will look at.

When considering your son and and his behaviour, remember that you do not have to have all of the traits/characteristics/symptoms etc to be meet the criteria. the paediatrician told us that aspergers is most usually diagnosed in school age children. I would definitely make an appointment to see your doctor and talk it over with them, all you are doing is trying to do the best for your boy.

That's really helpful, thank you. I will ask them to put their concerns in writing and take that to the GP. Thanks again. x

The school has probably met a lot more aspie children than you.
It actually sounds like this school is pretty on the ball, because a lot just put things down to naughtiness.

Is he your first child?

It was a teacher at my DS’s primary school who first thought that his misbehaviour was probably due to an autism-spectrum condition. The school said he needed to be assessed by CAMHS. The teacher wasn’t going to say anything to us specifically about autism but the head teacher decided to tell us. It didn’t seem likely to me at the time. My DS’s behaviour was more extreme than yours but he had no visible development problems at all, not even motor problems, he went to nursery since he was 6 months old and no-one there noticed a thing!

But when he was assessed in depth, especially by the speech and language therapist, it turned out that he had communication difficulties which weren’t obvious earlier. My DS had a lovely conversation with the speech therapist about one of his own interests, great vocabulary, to and fro, eye contact, the works - but as soon as she changed the subject he couldn’t respond to her.

My DS’s official label is Asperger’s but the child psychologist did say “well he’s somewhere between eccentric and Asperger’s, let’s call it Asperger’s”. DS got a lot of support in primary school (which he needed as his behaviour was a lot worse than your DS!) He also went to a social-skills therapy group which helped a lot with his interaction and empathy for other kids. And the school worked hard on basics like saying sorry (which my DS struggled with, and which was one of the steps towards developing empathy).

These days DS is doing well in school and although he’s not the world’s most socially able teen he still has friends and gets along as well as many grunty teenage boys! And I have to say that whenever something goes wrong for him, treating it as an Asperger’s-type problem has always been a very effective way of dealing with it and making things better.

None of which is to say that your DS does have Asperger's or anything else. But if he does have "something" it's worth knowing. So going to the GP sounds like a good plan.

My DD was flagged by her teacher in a new school in year 3. I disagreed as did the head teacher....we had a meeting together to discuss her.

The HT like myself felt that DD had the traits of a shy, intelligent girl at a new school and was finding making friends a challenge.

The teacher felt she had processing issues because often she would refuse to work...it was simply that the work was stuff she had covered but was too shy to say it was easy for her and she'd got into a rut with not being able to communicate this....

We decided not to assess....she's in year 6 now and so un-aspergers like it's silly.

Your DS is very, very young...you don't have to assess him if you don't want to.

You could watch and wait. I am guessing he has no language issues or he would have been flagged earlier?

Many boys of 5 years old find impulses hard to control....pulling a child off a climbing frame and throwing a tennis raquet are hardly signs of ASD alone....what else has he been doing? Has he any sensory issues? Food related? Clothing related? Sound related?

If school think this is a possibility then I would accept the referral. It might be proved wrong but then all you have wasted is a couple of hours on appointments. On the other hand if the school is correct it might enable them to support your son so behavioural problems do not get worse. I wish someone had suggested to me that AS was a possibility early on before waiting until my ds's had severe behavioural problems in juniors.

Thank you all for your really helpful advice. You're all so supportive, it's amazing. Last night I was feeling very emotional about this, and it was crushing to be told there might be something wrong with my child, who in my eyes is pretty perfect. The more I think about it the more I can see one or two ASD-ish traits, and DH is a bit quirky and eccentric at times too.

But as ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties says he has no sensory issues, doesn't have a problem with food (apart from broc and onions!), doesn't notice clothes, not bothered by loud noises. Also he's not bothered about disruption to his routine and doesn't have any repetitive behaviours. A lot of the things I would expect to see aren't there in him.

However school behaviour is a problem, and today the Head said if it went on they would consider lunchtime exclusions where I would have to pick him up from school every lunch and then bring him back. Obviously not possible when I have a 9:30 - 3pm job!

So I have made an appt with GP and asked Head for a letter outlining their concerns and we'll take it from there. I'll try to get my denial / anger / grief under control and focus on how I can support DS to learn to control his behaviour.

Thanks again x

I second the “Explosive Child” recommendation, I used it especially while waiting for the assessment. Also my health visitor recommended a “positive parenting” course and they advised me to let the school deal with what happened in school, with their encouragement I took all the pressure off my DS at home, just gave him plenty of praise and rewards for little immediate things and as much calm pleasant time at home as possible, and his teacher told me that in itself helped with his behaviour at school. (Later on I could gradually raise my expectations of him.)

I feel a bit about lunchtime exclusions. If a quiet time at home in the middle of the day would help your DS cope better with school you might consider it. But for some kids the disruption caused by going home only makes things worse when they come back in the afternoon. And it’s very common for kids with ASCs to go haywire at unstructured times of day such as lunchtime, so if the head thinks your DS might have an ASC then she should be looking for ways to provide lunchtime support, not dump it on you. Perhaps your DS could go to a quiet place in school? Though my DS wouldn’t, he was very sociable and loved to be with the other kids even though he would have rage attacks at them! (See my grey hairs )

My DS was more routine-bound than yours and he did one or two sensory issues – fear of the noise of hand driers being a particularly inconvenient one as it made public toilets inaccessible (luckily he’s grown out of that now). But it was his social-communication issues that really stuck out. And we wouldn’t have bothered with a diagnosis at all if he hadn’t reacted in such an aggressive way, if he’d been withdrawn or tearful instead we’d just have thought he was a bit sensitive and eccentric. Your DS might not have enough signs for an ASC diagnosis, but there are also variants such as “semantic-pragmatic disorder “, or other conditions such as dyspraxia, which can cause similar behaviour issues and for which he might also get help.

And, benefit of hindsight here – it is a big shock and a huge thing to have to come to terms with, and it’s only natural to feel very stressed with all the uncertainty. The grief and denial are quite natural reactions too. So remember to look after yourself as well.

I think it is good that the school are looking first for an explanation for his behaviour other than him being a 'naughty child' tbh, and especially impressed that they didn't start with 'poor parenting' as the reason too. Usually parents of children with diagnosable difficulties have to face both accusations of both before a school will even consider a disability as an explanation and then there are some that deny diagnosis even when given.

It might not be Aspergers, but your child is struggling with the school day and it would be wise to explore the reasons to help you find effective solutions.

DS is in Y1 and his school also raised concerns about ASD. I went to the GP with the list of behaviours the school had identified, the GP wrote a referral the CAMHS, and CAMHS wrote back saying that as DS wasn't receiving any tier 2 or 3 support (I think that's what they called it), they weren't interested. So be prepared to be brushed off.

The school has now arranged for an ed psych to come in and observe him.

ds's nursery missed it completely... ds's school put it down to being naughty.

ds did not receive support and then only token support..until he got his diagnosis.

I went through the GP, who referred to the community paed, who referred onto the autism consultant to do ados and observations.