Christmas with ASD

[ChildOfGallifrey]

Hi

DS1 is 9 and ASD/ADHD. As he's gotten older he's become more rigid and less social (won't go to parks if children are there, not wanting to go Cubs as more children have joined etc). I want to make Christmas special especially as DS2 is now 3 and starting to understand more but DS1 will not go to pantos, hates eating out, begs to not have his meds on Xmas day, gets overwhelmed with present opening if other people are around and more importantly he hates visiting other houses.

What special christmas activities can we do that means DS2 won't miss out but will not put DS1 under pressure? Even grottos are a no no but if he finds out I've taken DS2 without him he will get upset.

I'm truly at a loss, it's hard as he doesn't show excitement so he appears unhappy at Xmas etc but when asked he says he's happy.

I'm sorry for the long rambling post

We keep it as simple as possible.
We talk through what's going to be happening before it happens.
The other three have never complained, they just accept that this is the way our family do Christmas.

I agree with Polter. Offer DS1 the choice of doing what you want to do with DS2 or staying at home. Keep things at home low key and stagger activities so things happen slowly.

Open one present at a time, rather than everyone opening at once.

DS2 is the perfect age for a grotto and it isn't fair for him to miss out, there are so few Christmases when they don't notice the tatty edges or doubt it's the real Santa. Take photos to show DS1, so he's still part of it.

Thank you, I know that he really enjoys helping make breakfast on special occasions so we can do that, also he likes switching the tree lights on so we can keep those as his "traditions". I have to keep reminding myself that he's not "missing out" because what makes him happy is not what makes other kids happy. (He's getting rocks for Xmas...ROCKS!?....but they make him very happy!)

Watching this in interest, we had an awful Christmas last year, ds didn't cope with it well at all.

I get the rocks thing, ds had a collection of decorative stones from morrisons - all the dc had a choice of a little toy, ds chose stones :o (forgot about that until you mentioned rocks)

I'm seriously considering buying one of those pop up sensory tents for big events like Xmas. I saw one on Amazon. It can be packed up and taken wherever we go so he can just go in and get away from it all. At home his bed is his sanctuary. (sheets over bunk bed to make a tent)

I don't think I will force dinner on him either this year. He's getting older and although I need to teach him social skills I think that if Xmas is all about the kids then he should have that day with no pressure.

He did say the other day he wants to help other kids so maybe another if his "traditions" could be dropping off cheap toys wrapped up to a refuge or something.

I'm overthinking it now aren't i?!

Polter

It is probably as hard for you to understand that DS want a quiet Christmas that it is for me to understand that my family wants a reunion of 25 people spending most of their time sitting at a table for hours doing chit-chat ( I have AS)...I think I might get myself a sensory tent!

We don't do anything much at Christmas, we did try spending Christmas at relatives but dd2 got so upset that it ruined Christmas for all of us, we now keep it low key and spend it at home with no visitors, if the weathers ok we will do outdoor things but busy indoor places are a no go.