Ds saying he is being punched and kicked

[claw2]

Last week after rugby ds told me that another boy kept punching him really hard. He reported it to 2 different members of staff who 'ignored him and said ok'

I emailed school stating what ds had reported and also stating that I am well aware of ds's sensory difficulties and IF he wasn't punched really hard, maybe OT would have some suggestions.

School replied stating teachers did not witness any punching incidents and ds did NOT report it to anyone. (ds recalled me to the conversation he had with Mr X, in which he reported it and Mr X replied 'he would have stern words with punching boy after Mr X asked how he was feeling). However Mr X replied saying this conversation did not take place.

I replied stating that IF ds is misinterpreting touch and 'feels' he is being punched very hard, then I was hoping OT would have suggestions.

Mr X replied stating that ds should keep everything he feels anxious about in school and not bringing it home is the key and I should reinforce this.

This week ds reported exactly the same boy x kicking and punching him after rugby. Says he reported it again to 2 different members of staff, including Mr X again 'who ignored him again'.

So I emailed again, stating that the important point is that ds 'FEELS' he is being punched and kicked very hard and this is very distressing for him. I totally agree the key is adults in school helping ds to make sense of his worries/feelings. However the difficult seems to be that ds is NOT reporting it to staff (as school had told me previously)

School have replied saying that ds wasn't kicked or punched and he is encouraged to report worries to staff.

OT has then replied to email too, stating she would like to talk to ds about tactile and body awareness etc and would I prefer if she told him she is aware of the incident and can help or approach it another way.

Mr X has replied to her email saying do not mention the incident as it will only make ds want to blame and isolate boy x even more. 'The problem is far greater and deeper than that'.

Sorry this is long, one minute I think I have a school who understands, as they involved OT, next I don't!

Its the 'the problem is far greater and deeper than that'

Surely it isn't? Its either a) ds WAS punched and kicked or b) ds is being overly sensitive to touch or even the thought of being touched at a very sensitive time ie after tactile rugby.

School are insisting that ds wasn't punched or kicked. So that leaves b. IF ds is NOT reporting feeling like this staff, then that creates c) how do they get him to confide in staff when he is feeling like this.

Or am I going mad?

Does your ds have bruises or tenderness where the alleged punching and kicking took place?

Mr X replied stating that ds should keep everything he feels anxious about in school and not bringing it home is the key and I should reinforce this.

I don't like that, it is a way of silencing your ds, isn't it? kind of 'what happens at school stays at school' it's got all of my spidey senses humming. If I've understood the situation properly, currently, your ds feels he can ask you what to do about an unresolved situation at school. All kids should be able to do that with their parents, surely.

I'd agree - in no way what so ever should your ds not come to you with his problems at school. "Mum - I have trouble reading the white board, I think I need glasses", "mum today someone touched me in a private place and I didn't like it", "mum what options should I do at gcse?", "mum, I'm struggling in my maths set / finding maths not challenging any more" talk to the hand ds as the face ain't listening! What happens in school, stays at school mate - what utter poo!

My ds has sensory issues. At times every brush is full on assault. The school need to understand it's very real assault to your ds. Or - it really IS assult? How will they know by ignoring it?

Can you pick it apart? With my ds I ask where did it happen? What happened before and after, who was there, what did your friends do? I can always tell that every time it was totally innocent by the things he says

Has he had indi OT for sensory processing using the SIPT? DS1 interprets every touch as an assault. His school know this, tell other DC to keep it down when their 'normal' behaviour freaks him out and he reports it to me and he has OT (not so much therapressure style due to his age) but more learning to cope with touch and identifying triggers - the more stressed, the more hypersensitive.

One way I could immediately see DS1s hypersensitivity was in group class photos where DS1 would always be at the end, there would always be, where possible and there were no chairs, a person-sized gap between him and the next DC and he would always have either short sleeves or long sleeves bunched up (can't stand clothing on lower arms).