What would you do - thinking of moving DD to a new school when she's happy in her current one?

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I have a 7 yo DD with possible aspergers. She is currently happy at her school, doing well and has a couple of good friends. She suffers from a lot of anxiety which has got worse this year due to various changes in her life.

We've moved house and this house is 2 miles away from her school, and it takes 20 minutes to travel across the city to get her there, which means 1 hours and 20 mins in the car a day for me and her baby brother.

It's a pain.

Plus we only have one car and so if my DH needs it for work for any reason it would be 2 buses to get there. So 8 buses a day for me and DS.

I'm due to go back to work 3 days a week soon so this adds to the problem as I have to get DS to nursery as well.

So I wanted to move her school to one within walking distance. This would also give DD chance to make friends in this area which may be more important to her as she gets older and more independent. Plus when she eventually goes to the local secondary school she's more likely to already know children there.

Now if DD was a different child I wouldn't think twice about moving her for all these reasons. But given her difficulties, particularly her anxiety, and the fact she is happy in her current school I'm not sure this would be the best decision for her right now.

But if I don't it impacts on everyone else particularly me and baby DS. And it means she won't have the chance to get to know any local children.

What would you do?

Sorry but 2 miles is walking distance.

In your case I would look at the more local school and see if there is room for your DD to move. Also check very carefully how it would deal with your DD. Ask them about Aspergers and how much experience they have with it in girls, how they deal with anxiety etc.

The last thing you want to do is to move her from a school where she is happy and has friends, to one where she is more anxious, doesn't fit in and any "bad" behaviour is punished rather than helped. I would also check out the local secondary - is it really suitable? Is it really where she will be going?

I would think very hard before moving her. Lots of children travel 2 miles or more to school, quite a few near me walk that far even at 6.

2 miles is not walking distance. According to Google maps it's 2.6 miles and would take an adult 50 mins to walk there. Would probably take DD way over an hour, she isn't the best walker I have to say.

I don't know anyone who walks for over an hour to get to school in this century. Especially when they have a mum that works.

Yes I imagine she will be going to the local secondary, why wouldn't she?

Because if she has Aspergers, the local secondary might not be the best place for her.

Yes you can just change her school - if that is what you want.
But if as you say "She suffers from a lot of anxiety which has got worse this year due to various changes in her life." Then do you think another change will be for the best?

It could be of course. You could look at the local school and see it is a far superior place, which will be wonderful with your DD. On the other hand it could be the kind of school that would crush a child like your DD. You need to look, and see if it is suitable first.

But you do also have to realise there may just not be space at the new school. What are the alternatives? Does anyone else travel from your way to her present school - could you do a lift share? etc.

I expect we'll have no choice but to send her to the local secondary mummytime. I've been told she's too high functioning for a special school or any other support.

There is space at one of the local schools. I have had a look round briefly, it seemed ok. Similar to her current school but a bit bigger (3 form entry). There are currently 25 kids in the class and the class has its own TA. They have a school mentor that will work with her help her to settle in and they have a buddy system. I didn't mention aspergers, we are only right at the start of the process of getting her assessed (have been waiting for comm paediatric appmt since June). I did mention her difficulties settling in to her current school.

But at the end of the day it's a gamble isn't it. She may settle in and make friends, she may struggle. That's why I'm hesitant.

And also whilst she may be happy at her current school, that could also sadly changed later down the line, my daughter once she got to year 4 had a big wobble and we ending up moving her from the walkable school to one where I now have to drive her there every single day as it's miles away and the problems from her last school have followed us there as well so she's still struggling. It's a hard decision to make but I would go with what you feel is best for her

I would avoid moving her at the moment. You say she's had lots of changes recently, and the house move will have probably been quite stressful for her, so it's not really a good time for her to have to cope with another change.

Could you try keeping her at the current school for now & see how it goes once you're back at work? It might not be as bad as you're expecting, and it could be a lot easier than having a very unhappy child.

Does she know you're thinking of moving her - this may be contributing to the anxiety?

I suppose I also wonder that if she is anxious is whether the existing school is giving her the support that she needs anyway.

I would check SEN provision and attitude at the new school before making a decision. Perhaps arrange a meeting with the SENCO. Are they flexible? Do they run social skills groups etc.

Be aware also the playground can be quite crowded in a three-form entry school and drop-offs and pick-ups a nightmare. Perhaps ask how school manages this.

A plus of moving at 7 is that the other children are usually quite excited to have a newcomer (in truth ds2 found their interest a bit overwhelming).

Like another poster Year 4 is when we really started to have difficulties with the ds's (both AS) so if you're going to move I would try and do it before then.

Thanks for your advice, I've had a think and spoken to DH and we've decided not to move her for now. We'll see how things go when I go back to work and we can always decide to move her at a later date.

Her current school were the ones who suggested aspergers in the first place (I was, and am, pretty clueless) and pushed me to get her assessed and wrote a letter to the GP for me. So at least I know they'll be cooperative with assessment. She doesn't get any extra support in school, but they are aware of her difficulties and do make allowances for them.

The anxiety is generalised, not about anything specific - that she's able to articulate anyway. She's had it since starting school, maybe even before but it's got worse this year since I had DS and we moved house.