Dh has just really upset me

[emkana]

I said to dh that I was worried because ds doesn't seem to have much head control yet at all, and when I see the other babies his age of which there are plenty at school I see that they can all hold their head steady.

So dh turned around and said to me "So you don't like ds now because he's not perfect do you?"

I was so upset
After much arguing it turns out he didn't like it that I was comparing ds to the other babies, when all I had meant was that the other babies give me a benchmark, and that I want ds to have physio and stuff so that he'll keep up with his developmental milestones.

Dh did give me an apology of sorts, but I still feel upset that he could say such a thing.

Message withdrawn

I know I should move on really because he did apologize, but I still feel very hurt.

In the past I have had conversations like this about Ds2 with my Dh. I think it is a sort of defence mechanism because they don't want to accept anything could be wrong with their child so they get angry with you for suggesting it. Try not to be upset - it is very stressful if you are both worrying about your child and you are bound to say the wrong thing to each other sometimes.

Yes, it is his natural protectiveness for his child coming out. Women are nearly always more practical and realistic, I think. You deal with the worry by talking to drs, thinking of physio, he does it by wanting and willing his son to be perfect and feeling very protective. I can understand why you were hurt, and am glad he has apologised. I'm so sorry you have this worry.

i know its hurtfull thathe could think that is what you meant but try to lok at it that at least he is so fiercly protective of your DS.

em

fwiw, I do agree with Saker - she put it so well. So hard for you to hear though, and not a helpful comment.

Can you have a talk with dh about how much you love ds and are just worried for him because of the deep love you have, and that you are not "comparing and finding him lacking", just wanting to know how much you need to fight his corner.

Is dh a "talkie" person? Can you take some time to discuss with him?

(((((((hugs)))))) what a difficult situation for you both

emkana, sorry you feel like this but you don't need to blame yourself or dh for being especially sensitive. It's no wonder, is it, after what you've been through and are still going through? You may think it's easy for me to say, but in my defence I do have the benefit of hindsight. Hope you can give each other a bit of leeway and feel better.

Things have calmed down somewhat in the emkana household.

I hope he doesn't say anyhting like it again though.