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Christmas - tips for surviving/possibly enjoying with 5yo with ASD

11 replies

IsItMeOr · 06/10/2014 15:56

5yo DS has recently had an autism/asperger's diagnosis.

Last Christmas was horrible, particularly after the day itself. The lowest point was when I got kicked in the face driving home from the panto.

We are at a bit of a loss as to how best to approach Christmas in order that we can all navigate it more successfully this year.

From talking with DS, he thinks that Christmas starts on 1 December - unclear where it ends. He likes that he gets presents, sweets and treats.

We have usually visited/visits from both of our parents over Christmas. We spent Christmas day at home by ourselves for the first time last year, to try to reduce stress (this was pre diagnosis). We visited the different grandparents on other days in the school holidays.

DS was in reception last year, and I don't think he did too well with the major disruption associated with rehearsing for the school Christmas play. As he only stood there and vaguely did the actions for the second performance of the show, and only said his one short line for the third performance (just stood there for all the songs), I was wondering about asking whether he could just do stuff with his one-to-one during the rehearsal time this year.

We would really appreciate hearing about how other families manage things to get the balance between DC getting to join in the fun without getting so overwhelmed that it is all too much.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 06/10/2014 16:13

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IsItMeOr · 06/10/2014 16:18

Thanks Polter - will definitely talk to school about the play if it happens again this year.

Love that toast rack tradition - you're right that DS is very easily pleased. And oddly specific - he has already requested that we have a holly wreath for the front door this year (presumably my choice of foliage last year was unsatisfactory in some respect Confused).

We also do lists for family gifts. Does Father Christmas do surprise gifts at your house? DS got a bit fixated on precisely which robot FC was going to bring him last year...I haven't dared ask what he's hoping for this year yet.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 06/10/2014 16:25

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Ineedmorepatience · 06/10/2014 16:28

School is awful in the run up to xmas! Dont be afraid to take some breaks if he needs it. And yes if they will agree to not subjecting him to every single play rehearsal from half term onwards, that would be excellent!

We have a tradition of always putting the decorations in the same places in our house and Dd3 decorates the tree! Which can be amusing Grin

She gets really stressed when the decorations go up and again when they come down but she loves the in between bit so we still do it.

Good luck Smile

IsItMeOr · 06/10/2014 16:37

Oh heck, I'd forgotten about the stress of broaching taking the decorations down again...has anybody figured out a cunning way to make that more palatable?

I may have got carried away and already bought Christmas bedding for us...I hoped it might help spread out the Christmassy excitement. But maybe that's how all the school plans start too?!

OP posts:
fairgame · 06/10/2014 16:54

You could do a social story stating when xmas starts and ends. You can put in it about when the decs go up and when they have to come down and how many days they will be up for.
I always keep xmas the same each year. We have the same decorations, sometimes we get a new one but we have the same colour scheme. I keep things as calm as possible, we don't rush about shopping or visiting people and stay at home xmas day. All of the shopping is done online or when DS is at school.
I've never done surprise gifts because DS knows that you get presents on xmas day, it would really stress him if he started getting them on other days.

Ineedmorepatience · 06/10/2014 17:33

We try to have a routine for taking the decs down! We usually do it the Saturday after new yr! We give Dd3 loads of warning that they are going to go.

She is older now so she understands more, having said that we have had a paper chain that she made up all yr because she didnt want it to come down !!

Its all about choosing your battles and preparation, preparation, preparation.

Smile
Sunnymeg · 06/10/2014 20:41

We do Little Christmas and have a present in the decorations box that comes out the day that the decorations come down. For us it was a formal marking of the end of the Christmas season. DS is 13 now and it has become a way of getting him something in the sales rather than full price, but it still serves a purpose. We also keep the actual Christmas day quietly and we always have it at our house, so DS can disappear into his bedroom if he needs a break. With regard to school activities we dip in and out. Primary used to let him play on the computer the day of the school party and we never went to the carol service.

bialystockandbloom · 06/10/2014 20:59

Maybe trying a visual calendar might help? ie a calendar with one picture for each day of what might happen that day, making sure the picture is of the thing he'll most enjoy (in my ds's case it'd probably be the food Grin)

Could include a day for putting up decorations, and one for taking them down.

This might at least help with any anxiety he has about not knowing what's going to happen, as loads of chaotic new things suddenly happening can be really hard at this age. I don't think my ds really got what Christmas was till he was 4/5.

IsItMeOr · 06/10/2014 22:13

Lots of good ideas for us to think about - thank you.

I suspect DS would definitely go for Little Christmas Grin.

Food! That would be me not DS bialystock He's going through a, for him, very "safe" food only phase at the moment. I hope it won't last forever.

OP posts:
Borka · 06/10/2014 22:36

We've found that spreading the presents out a bit helps, so that DS doesn't get everything on one day. He gets overwhelmed by too many presents in one go, and luckily we see the grandparents on days other than Christmas, so he has their presents a few days before or after Christmas.

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