Dilemma moving school.

[Spaceboundeminem]

DS is 8 and has suspected as and ADHD. When he was young things were great he had friends but then I have no idea why but the head of the 'clique' took a great dislike to me and my DS.

I was at a party watching him and he was doing nothing wrong he wasn't even playing anywhere near her son when she shouted "space bound I'm sorry I can't sit here watching your son bully mine any more" I apologised profusely and she started shouting at me in front of all the mothers.

The next week she approached me again in front of all the mothers and said my DS smashed her DS face in at school and why haven't I done anything. I replied sorry and said the school hadnt informed but that I would deal with it. I spoke to the school who told me that her son didn't have a mark on him and that the entire class including her son had said my DS did nothing.

So I didn't punish him. She attacked me again screaming and shouting in front of the other mothers that my son had hit her son. At this point I said ok why don't we speak to the teacher together. She backed down pretty quickly and changed her mind. I said fine I'll stop ds playing with your son.

Well when this happened people began talking behind my back with her and stopped their dc playing with ds.
Every day DS would come out of school crying because the boys in school were bullying him with her son being the ring leader.

I spoke to the school and they said they would keep a eye out. A couple of weeks later head approached me to say that ds had been victim to some pretty horrific bullying. Which when I asked ds was carried out by her son and his former friends.

The bullying involved pulling his trousers down, hitting him with sticks and spitting on him.

I have managed to stop the bullying but ds has no friends now. He came out of school crying today because two girls were laughing at him for having no friends.

I want to move his school but this is difficult as dd more severe autism has settled at school with full 1:1. So taking both dc to seperate schools in opposite directions will be hard.

Also I don't want to interrupt his education. Would you move him? he is 8yo btw. I and the school are fairly certain he did not harm her son and I think sadly it's because she works in my doctors surgery and knows I suffer a psychotic illness (that could be me being paranoid).
Also annoyed as his previous best mum who I bump into a lot keeps telling him he can go round for a play date which never materialises. Leaving me dealing with constant questions.
I am scared if I move him he will because of his disabilities find it hard to make new friends in new school and will have his school work disrupted for nothing.

I don't know what to do while ds is not a bully he can sometimes be a bit boisterous owing to his disbabilities.

It was suggested I re post this here. I have spoke to the school next door today and they have no room. But a school five minutes up the road have agreed to take DS on a waiting list but I don't know how long that will be so any advice appreciated.

I'm shocked that your school hasn't pulled the mum to one side to have a firm word

You should not feel pushed out and as your ds has done nothing wrong- he shouldn't be the one to leave!

I would go in school and ask the teacher and the Head what they will do about it.

I'm sorry btw, it all sounds horrid and heartbreaking for your ds

Think long and hard, do you want him to stay there and try and change all the kids' wrong opinions of him and their awful attitudes towards him, or would he be better off somewhere new to be accepted on his own merits?

These situations are always difficult, it's wrong that your son should be bullied and left out of any nice social interaction, it's unfair that he should be the one to move, but is it worth the damage to his self-esteem by letting him stay there to be treated like that when there are alternatives available?

Sometimes being right and doing the right thing aren't the same

Oh my my heart just sank reading this .....

My DS (also 8) is struggling at school socially too and it's awful watching him try to make friends and no one wants to be his friends. He thinks they are all his best friends when they don't want to be friends with him heartbreaking!

I also had a parent who would text me (never to my face) having a go that my son was hurting her daughter! I explained about the issues but she couldn't give a hoot.

Your situations sounds even worse. I would move him out of the school. A fresh start for him.

We moved school in September and apart from one incident with older boys he seems to have made some friends at last [happy]

Thanks all. It's really making me and DS miserable. I have asked him about moving schools and he has said yes.

So I have a application form being sent out but the new school informed me they have a waiting list. Does anyone know how that works?

That is just awful. I really feel for you and your ds. Can I ask what happened to the boys who attacked your ds? Our school regularly reminds parents not to approach each other but take their issues to the school.

I agree with the pp's you shouldn't be the one to move but it's unlikely they will be going anywhere and if your ds is open to the idea, you should look into it, perhaps the new school can advise.

Are there any activities your ds can do out of school where classmates don't attend that could help him develop friends away from school.

Finally, with regards to this woman working at the gp surgery, if you feel there has been a breach of confidentiality, perhaps you could contact the practice manager.

Thank you very much ohnoalfie. That's great advice, I will definetely look for some clubs.

I think though I could be wrong (was devastated and psychotically ill so memory could be wrong) that the school contacted parents and stopped break time for a week.

Unfortunately there are only 5 boys in DS class including ds, so there isn't much choice.

So school can't/ won't stop your DS being bullied (which includes kids deliberately leaving him out and saying nasty things). This is disability discrimination- a dc getting picked on because of his own issues, made worse because his mum gets unwell & his sib has issues too.

Maybe they can ask the other school to take him on as a 'managed move'. This means jumping the wait list and it can mean they take a dc even when full. The other way to queue jump is an EHCP- perhaps worth a try.

Do check that the new school will be better - perhaps set up a meeting with the SENCO and discuss how they can help with social skills and their policy on bullying. It would be awful to move and have a similar thing happen again.

Thanks both I will do that.

As someone who was bullied, I wanted nothing more than to stay at the school but I remember being so confused as to why the teachers didn't help. Eventually they did and one day one of the scariest but most respected teachers hauled the whole class in at lunchtime to give them a talking to. It worked actually and I gradually got my friends back.

If the school admits there was some horrific bullying, why was the pupil concerned not suspended? This mother sounds like a case, and I would ask her to only communicate to you through the head teacher from now on with his agreement.

I don't know if moving schools will work, I also think it would be worth him seeing an occupational therapist outside of school.

Im so sorry, it must be heartbreaking.

Figamol's advice sounds fabulous.

Is there anyone who can make the school pull its socks up?
Parent partnership workers are sometimes surprisingly helpful