Can I ask you...

[Camenbare]

Please bear with me on this post as I am pretty ignorant of some (most aspects) of special needs diagnosis. This is a first port of call to ask people who know and can maybe help me out.

I am taking care of a friends little boy for one day a week while his nursery place becomes available. He goes to the nursery for three days, and is with his mum at home for a day. I have been doing this for 4 weeks, she does;t pay me as I am not a childminder but buys me a bottle of wine (hooray!) and gives me flowers and chocs etcetc and I am happy to help in the short term, I am a SAHM so another one sort of adds to the brood.

My point in posting is this. I think some of his behaviour is a little bit...different to my kids, and others. Not massively and he is a gorgeous boy but there are a couple of things that have made me wonder.

Some examples: he hates loud noises. He is 2.4. He cries if my children shout (not in anger) and is nervous of airplane noises, loud music but most especially voices. His mum told me about it jokingly and said oh yes he hates noise especially one off loud sounds.

Another, he doesn't play, not games, or VERY rarely. he watches at the playground unless I specifically engage him in play with me. He would never just join in, I know he is young to play 'games' but he doesn't play alongside either.

He repeats questions and songs obsessively. I mean 30/50 times a day (I have him 8 til 6)

My 2.6 year old pretends to be animals or fairies etc and when she says to him I am a cat/mouse etcetc he gets distressed and says "no! you are CamenbareDC" he cannot cope with fantasy play. Just doesn't understand it.

He is not very physically dextrous and needs help on steps/ladders/getting in the buggy etc

Is this just him? Or are these warnings of a possible issue? they are very subtle as I say but there is something 'off' about how he is with others - children and adults alike.

If you can give me any advice I would appreciate it as I wonder if I should mention my concerns to his mum...and how the heck that would go down! Am I overreacting?

No your not overreacting, I think it's really good that your aware of this little boys needs.

He does have some delays and maybe some sensory issues. I would definitely go back to the mum and advice her to get her DS seen and assessed by a developmental paediatrician.

It's good that you're looking out for him and I know you mean well but... I wouldn’t say anything at all unless your friend asks you. If she does, then you can be honest about what you’ve seen and how he compares to the kids you know.

The thing is, on the one hand it sounds as if you aren't trained to observe child development, and on the other hand if you do say anything uninvited you would risk seriously over-stepping. I mean what exactly would you say to her? “He’s different from my own kids”? Of course he is. “He seems different from the other kids I know so I wonder if he has special needs or if he’s just a bit weird?” It’s different if he’s causing a problem for you and it’s hard to care for him, but you say he isn’t.

And he is going to nursery already. Maybe they have noticed a difference, maybe they haven’t. But really observing his development and highlighting anything unusual is more their job than yours. The best thing you can do is to make sure he has a nice time while he’s with your family. Whether he has SN or not, that will be very good for him.

Thank you both for your replies.

I am most definitely not trained to observe child development. That is why I am so unsure.

I take your point Kleinzeit that it would be overstepping, I just keep coming back to the fact that if someone had noticed something about my own DC I would want to know...but would I REALLY!

I definitely make sure he has a nice time with me, he is not difficult, he is a lovely boy. So I will just keep doing that - its just I have noticed these things and I have no idea if they are relevant or not.

I don't think he is 'weird'. And I would never say that!

thank you zzzzz - he IS an only child and it strikes me that ALL of the things I have noticed could just be confidence and feeling a bit unsure in my house so i will focus on making sure he has a nice time!

TBH I feel reassured - if I had had a load of replies saying Good God they are classic signs of a developmental issue etc etc then obviously I would think again.

Thank you all for posting.

I don't know if you can be 2.4 and not be exposed to role play - but maybe he's never played before in that context? I'd see if a little more explanation can make it enjoyable for him.

Keep a mental note of the things that you have seen and just keep them under review - see if they improve over the time that you have him. It might be that by the time he goes to nursery on your day, with your brood and your own kindness, he might just grow out of them.

And also - it is helpful that you’re keeping an eye, because if his Mum does get concerned later on and decides she wants professional help then you can back her up. It’s often easier to convince professionals that something’s going on if unusual behaviour happens in different settings and if other people as well as his family have noticed it.