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SN children

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Original poster

ASD and playdates. do you tell friends parents your child has special needs?

13 replies

gigglinggoblin · 27/09/2006 15:51

we have a friend home for tea tonight, his dad has just said they will invite ds over next week. ds is 7 and AS. dad said his son disappears for hours playing on the field at the back, but i dont trust ds to do the same. he has absolutely no roadsense and i am also not sure if he would run off and get lost. he is a bit of a nightmare atm cos of the excitement of having a friend over so god knows how he would react going to someone elses house!

so what do you do? do you say he cant go? or tell the parents the problem and hope they dont get put off? tbh im not sure i want to tell them and im not sure if it would help if i did. do you trust them to not let him go out if his friend always does if they dont know there could be a problem?

he has never been to someone elses house for tea so this is new scary territory!

OP posts:

sandyballs · 27/09/2006 15:57

I would tell them. 7 seems too young to me to be off out for hours in their own regardless of special needs.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 27/09/2006 16:02

have to agree with you there sandy, but wasnt going to put that as i have seen very long threads on the subject!

OP posts:

Tiggiwinkle · 27/09/2006 16:08

I would definitely tell them. (My DS is 7 and has AS). You would only worry all the time he was there-and it is not fair on the parents not to tell them either, as they would have no way of knowing your DS needs a bit more of an eye kept on him.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 27/09/2006 16:57

do you then have to go into what AS is? most people i have spoken to dont know the first thing about it and i dont want to make it seem like i think they are idiots!

tbh they are both being a bit of a nightmare now so not sure its a good idea going at all.

OP posts:

2shoes · 27/09/2006 17:05

Tbh it is no different than normal when ds's friend came to play when they were younger his mum told me she didn't like him playing out. so they didn't so just tell them that if you don't want to tell them about the as.

Bink · 27/09/2006 17:06

I don't think you need go into exact details, but I would say to the dad that your ds is very immature, or something like that, and needs a close eye kept on him. You could say that there've been scares in the past when he's run off (I don't know if there have been, but you could always say so to head off the impression you're being over-protective!). 7 is a bit old for a parent to accompany on a playdate, so I wouldn't suggest you go with him to the other boy's house - instead maybe you could arrange for the dad & the other boy to meet you in the park a few times so that he gets to know your ds, and understand what you're saying?

Tiggiwinkle · 27/09/2006 17:15

I personally would (and do) explain about the AS. You dont need to go into tremendous detail, but I dont think it does any harm to make people more aware of it anyway.

macwoozy · 27/09/2006 17:31

Yes I would mention something, if you're not comfortable explaining about AS, then maybe something along the lines of that he gets over excited at times and needs a close eye. I don't like the idea of a 7 year old playing without supervision outside, SN or not, but round here it seems fairly typical for a child of that age to be with friends without their parents knowing for sure where they are. But maybe I'm over protective as well, I might feel different if ds didn't have ASD.

dinosaur · 27/09/2006 20:21

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 10:24

I used to, then no one would invite him any more, so I just invited new kids or the one who has a brother with ASD and gets it a bit more. Taht backfired too, so now I don't bohter. sam ahtes people- that's the way it is, evryone but me he says should go in the bin, have to accept he doesn't want friends, especially at home.

Sam fine in other peoples houses and he blanks and just seems quiet, here is the problem

onlyjoking9329 · 28/09/2006 11:00

Elliot has quite a few mates who kinda just accept him , he has been to six school mates houses i make sure i get to know the parents first if i dont feel comfortable with the parents then he would not go to there house. all the parents know that Elliot has autism, it's easy to spot as he jumps and flaps around the playground
To be honest i have found the parents to be great with him and he goes for tea every week he also has mates home. i think what helps my boy make friends is his sense of humour and the fact that he is always happy.
my twin girls go to SN school so never any explanations needed there thou when they go to play i always go with them as i think its a lot of work for the other parent.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 28/09/2006 11:54

thanks for all the replies, i have told them he cant go now but for reasons other than i have posted here. i hope he will get other invites in the future, so i will use the advise!

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dinosaur · 28/09/2006 22:08

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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