Coping emotionally as a parent? Struggling again....

[Summerdaydreams]

I honestly thought I had cracked it, life with my daughter (CP, delayed speech) although at times tough, was generally good. But, Suddenly over the last couple of weeks, the old fears, sadness, self pity is starting to resurface and I find myself constantly in tears..., looking at others with all their NT children and wishing things were different for our family. I don't want to be teary, what's the point, tears, moping wont change things.

Is this normal, for the bad days to resurface, Any words of wisdom....

Hugs it's totally normal , my dd2 who has autism turned 5 on Wednesday and that bought a whole host of emotions flooding out ,

That sounds really hard op. Have you ever been assessed for depression? Maybe you should see your gp?

Hi summerdays, I nearly started a thread today asking the same thing.

I have DD who is 5.9 and has developmental delays. Had a tricky birthday party yesterday where all my anxieties came out and saw all that she couldn't do that others could.

I don't think I will ever be used to this, or get to a point where I don't wish it wasn't like this and that makes me really sad. For her and me.

However there are times when I am more positive. We had a lovely day at the park today and when we Are just us things are better.

It is very hard though. You have my sympathies.

It's really hard - can ebb and flow - good and bad day
Things that have helped

• spending time with other parents of kids with SN (I wasn't sure about this before hand but it really really did help, going to a support group)
• keeping in touch with people who are understanding (a tiny few) and letting other relationships drift - those who don't get it
• trying to look after myself (try - don't always succeed ) eat well sleep well exercise etc

single parent to a child with asd, both dc's with hypermobility.

sometimes it is easier than others. sometimes things happen that threaten to push you right under again.

everyone! I guess nothing can prepare you for the ups and downs.

I just get ataken back by how suddenly I can go from being 'okay' with things to being so down, worried and anxious.

I was diagnosed with depression following dd's birth and subsequent health problems and ADs did help, I thought I had successfully weaned off, but maybe I need to go back to them again?

Today has been a much better day though, but I was working so will see how tomorrow goes.

Hi old buddy Summer from the CP thread :)

What you're feeling is entirely 'normal'. But do get help and support if you're thinking it would be useful - that's what the help exists for

I am mostly fine. By mostly, about 85% of the time. Last week I proper blubbed my heart out during a coffee morning in front of class teacher and 2 TA's. My DD is not disabled - I just can't come to terms with that label and in my heart she is not. But she is :(

I have just finished a week of crying. It will come back round for me again when the next wave of therapies and assessments take place :(

I'm glad today was a better day for you x This is a better week for me too x

Yes, I know how that feels. Every day since our June diagnosis, I've had teary and sad moments.
And anger.
And jealousy/envy for the other kids I know who don't have my son's struggles and will never know what it is like to walk in his shoes. That every single day my beautiful boy has to work harder, reach further, push harder than his classmates.
It's tough.
??

I get the feelings you all describe, it is tough mistress.

I think that's part of it everyday (hope you are having a better week btw) I don't want to think of dd as disabled. I hate the word, i don't want her labelled because in my eyes she isn't disabled she is just dd, yet it isn't always how others see her .

This week has been much better, I feel much brighter. I am slowly learning that this might be how life is going to be, periods of ups with periods of lows, may be in time, I will manage the lows a bit better.

Summer, I understand. I truly do.

My DSs don't have CP. DS1 is 6yo and he has dyslexia and dyspraxia (not yeat diagnosed, but its just a matter of time. The ed psych that I am in touch with says its still a bit too early to formally assess), and DS2 is 2.6 yo and he has severe verbal dyspraxia (he can't form any words at all).

I keep it to myself so that they don't see, and I know that so many other parents are dealing with situations with their DC that are more severe, so I don't let it out.

But it upsets me so much to know that as DS1 can't get dressed or undressed on his own, he wouldn't for example want to join in with playing in the paddling pool at someone's house. Or he won't join in when every other child is playing with lego, and working together on a creation, because he doesn't have the co-ordination skills, so he busies himself quietly on his own. They're just a couple of many things.

And other children don't want to play with DS2 really, because he doesn't talk, and he doesn't give anything back to them. To them, he's a baby. I know the impact delayed speech can have on a child, and its not a positive one.

I am sorry for them, not for myself. I know how hard rthey find things, and how hard they will always find things.

You sound stronger in your more recent post than in your OP. I hope that today is a good day for you too.

I feel like I'll never get used to my childrens additional needs. It really is c.rap and I don't see light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon. Btw, I'm also grieving for my Dad also, which is where my feelings are probably coming from.

You are all amazing women, mothers, carers. Our beloved children are lucky we are right there fighting for them and loving them, exactly as they are.
Onwards ladies....

Sorry, sweateamum... I often feel like you. I really do. But please take care of yourself too.

I think it comes and goes. But it's always there lerking in the back of my mind.

When I had my new baby my toddler was running up and down the ward screaming while the other two year old was asking mummy about there new baby. Ds didn't even know we'd had a baby. He has never said mummy. Ouch. That hurt a lot for weeks.

But my seven year old was the same, now he tells me he loves me and I know things can only get better.

I think it will always hurt.

But think if the good things to pull you out of that hole. I could have run and jumped and screamed in joy when my toddler signed milk two weeks ago. I was gob smacked when my son asked "if the earth spins why don't we all fly off"

No nt parent sees the finer details that we do. They stress about not being top of the class etc while we get to savour every little step. Our bigger picture is made up of lots if little tiny pictures.

Feeling this today. Ds1 finally do asd after a very long and painful year - mostly painful for him.

I have no idea what the future holds, his behaviour is getting worse and he is getting bigger and stronger all the time. ..

Everyday is a battle to avoid meltdowns or deal with meltdowns.

Am exhausted and angry and frustrated and sad. So, so sad.

This struck a chord with me as it is parents evening tonight and i know i am going to hit a low when i get back. You are all right, the ebb and flow of good days, ok days and down right hard days makes for a roller coaster of emotion. It is down right not fair, not fair for our dcs that things are harder and not fair for us that it hurts so damn much to see them struggle.

But you cant stop life so you just have to get as well informed as you can about how you can make things easier for them and you and do your best to eat well, sleep well, surround yourself with good people who care, and give in and cry sometimes.

I think the problem with disabilities that cause developmental delay is that the peers keep making new leaps and each one takes them further away from where your child is.

Just as you're okay and accepting of the differential, along comes another, bigger one without warning and knocks you sideways.

But it is important to remember that developmental delay isn't the same thing as developmental halt. Just work with your chikd so they can be the best they can be. What difference is there developmentally between a 70year old and a 40year old? Months are uninportant.

I was at a parents evening a few weeks ago, and a father walked up to me to ask which child was mine (from the same class). I told him.

The entire evening, all he could say was that he couldn't begin to imagine what I was going through...and then the paranoia in my head took over and I felt that everyone was just counting their stars that the child with SN wasn't theirs. I don't know what is worse, the actual fact that my child has an ongoing life challenge or all this relieved pity.

However, having a challenge is just that; challenges are meant to be overcome or learned to be lived with...they are all limiting but it doesn't mean we have to stay limited. We just have to work around it.

My husband who does have ASD vs his NT cousin. Same age, same opportunities. (their mothers are twin sisters who raised their children almost exactly alike). My DH went off to work hard and achieve. His cousin still lives in his mothers basement and plays video games.

Every child is reachable. Every child has a future. Every mother has a hard job ahead of her.