DD1 ignoring people when they say hello ( Aspergers )

[marne2]

Dd1 says she doesn't have many friends ( she has 2 or 3 close friends who are boys ), she often moans 'no one likes me' and gets upset.

The past few days several girls have shouted 'hi, dd1' whilst she's going into school and dd1 often blanks them. I stop her and say 'are you not going to say hello?' She often moans 'people keep saying hello to me all the time, it gets on my nerves' or she ignores me too. So to me it looks like a lot of her class mates want to be friends with her, they make the effort to talk to her but she blanks them. I have told her that it's rude not to say 'hello' back and it doesn't take much effort to do so but dd1 is stubborn and doesn't see what the problem is.

She will be starting high school next year and will be leaving her best friends, she will need to make new friends, I can see this being a huge problem as they are going to think she's being rude or grumpy .

How do I make her understand that it's not hard to say 'hello' back or ask 'how are you?'?

My 9 year old DD is exactly the same. Have tried to explain to her that it appears rude, but she doesn't really care!

I think we may have to go back to the 'role play' approach . I think if they were asking her a question she would respond, 'hello' is not a question so doesn't necessarily need a response ( I think that's how she see's it ). We went into her classroom today and another little girl said 'hello dd, we say you last night' and dd1 just carried on walking, I felt sorry for the girl so I responded and then told dd1 off for being rude ( which she ignored as she saw her best friend and was gone ). It's so frustrating . If someone was to mention pokemon she would happily talk.

Mine do that too, I just don't think it is important to them to answer back!. I am sure you've tried that but this is what I do 1)there are social rules: answer hello when people say hello is one of them ( tap into the rule follower in your aspie! 2) explain the reason why it is in their interest to say hello: having more friends 3) making it something that becomes automatic (ritual type thing), so instead of telling her off for not doing it just say : " say hello". I think the latest takes longer to sink in, but probably will work better in the long term The more efficient in my household is 2) but I do all 3! They accept they have to answer but don't always do it. It makes me smile too as I think this is the kind of thing that really make me see that they are on a different planet!

my dd does this but Im not sure that she has aspergers; in fact I dont think she has but I think she has ADD and is so involved in her own thougths she can't be bothered to reply. Im sorry I don't have many ideas but just to say I think other children shrug it off anyway and you're not alone. Maybe reward her with praise, a treat at the end of the week for saying hello back?

My DS (who has Asperger’s) struggled with that too, he still tends to ignore people who greet him. I think it’s quite common for kids with ASCs. They don't always see the point of greetings and goodbyes, and also some kids have processing delays so they can’t take in an unexpected greeting and think how to respond in time. My DS’s social skills group did some work on it which helped him. Have you thought of writing a “social story”? Most of the stories online are about saying hello rather than responding to other kids. But some of them do explain why people greet each other, and you could write one yourself starting “sometimes people say ‘hello’ to me”?

www.speakingofspeech.com/uploads/Saying_Hello_and_Goodbye_Book_Format.pdf

www.positivelyautism.com/downloads/SocialStory_SayingHello.pdf

And another story about greetings and a summary of how to write your own.

DS1 is the same age and does exactly the same. He takes a very long time to warm to people and even then, doesn't like seeing them in the wrong context.

I think he considers that social niceties are over-rated :o

DS has a processing delay.

So sometimes when people say Hi to him or when people or myself ask him questions. There's a delayed response as his processing the information and I do have to repeat. I don't know what the cause is though.

My ds is exactly the same. He just doesn't see the point of saying hello and won't say it!

Ds is in y5 and does exactly the same

My son is the same never says hello or goodbye. He ignores most people and gives bear hugs to people he likes.

I spoke to her again and asked her 'why she doesn't say hello back' she said 'because I'm too busy' .

DS1 is often too busy. Especially when I start asking him difficult questions, like what flavour ham sandwich did he have for lunch, today :o