ASD and secondary school

[Postmanpatisevil]

Hi everyone,

I'm at my wits end - help!

My DS is 10. He has high functioning ASD, he's a bright child, above average in his class. He's a very anxious child, literally will be hiding under sofa seat cushions, locked himself in public toilets etc when he's very anxious. He's quite immature but very kind and shy. He's at a high achieving school, in year 5. In all honesty it's bloody awful, I've been to hell and back at the school, they don't give a toss, will not bend.

The catchment secondary school is also high achieving. They will not take children with additional needs (I don't know how they can do that?) but in any event it's not the place for DS. But it's where the few friends he has will go. So he will have to start a secondary school knowing no one. I went to look at one of the local secondary school last night, I nearly broke down. Obviously it's huge, I know he won't cope there! I spoke to the senco who was very nice but said the provision for kids with ASD in our area is appalling. Ffs!! I just don't know what to do! I am terrified for him but dh says he'll be ok, it's part of life and we can't protect him, it's time to let him go a little.

He won't start until 2016 so he's two years away.

I would say go with the school that is the best fit for your ds.My ds has As also and is 13 and in his second yr at secondary.In all honesty friends are not a huge issue for him and he is happy doing his own thing...it bothers me far more than him!
Secondary is a huge change and my ds found last yr very hard .He suffered with terrible anxiety and found the peer groups /friends very different to primary school.
However the school have been very supportive and have done everything to make life at school better for him.He seems to be settling back in again now after the summer break so am hoping it will continue.He has no friends really and plods through each day alone for the most part...but he is happy doing this and I do have to remind myself that he doesn't have the same needs socially as other kids.
I really think it's more important for your son to have good support rather than going to the same school as his friends.
I would advise you to visit schools and make a judgement based on the one that will provide your son with the most support.It is so important to have a school where you will feel comfortable ringing up regularly to discuss things as they happen,inform them of day to day issues etc.
A school that will work with you is priceless!.

Also I meant to say,that it was two yrs before ds started secondary school that I began hunting and visiting various secondary schools and asking to meet with headteachers etc to ask what support my son would get etc.It will give you a good idea and a good feel for what is available in your area.Don't make the mistake of thinking it is too early...it isn't!

Aaagh...don't make the mistake is what I was trying to say..

What if any additional support is in place for him currently?. Look into applying to the LEA as well if you have not already.

I would look at IPSEA's website if you have not already done so www.ipsea.org.uk and further arm yourself with more information because knowledge is power!.

If his current school do not care or bend I would seriously consider moving him now. Its no point trying to work with such a school at all frankly if all their bottom line is really protection of their position in the league tables.

All credit to you for starting to look at secondary schools now, its never too early to start doing that and to start building relationships with them.
Keep visiting schools and visit on a regular basis; you'll get more of a feel of them also over the next year or so.

"I really think it's more important for your son to have good support rather than going to the same school as his friends".

I would certainly agree with this comment made by Gimmetaytos and my son (who has a statement) is in his last year of secondary school now.
Most of his friends these days attended different junior schools to the one he went to, his friendship group is far more wide now.

A school also that will work with you willingly is indeed worth its weight in gold.