Multidisciplinary meeting on Tuesday - please help!

[tiredchocoholic]

Hi everyone. I'm feeling really overwhelmed & anxious ahead of the multidisciplinary mtg I have for DS on Tuesday and would really appreciate some advice. I've been battling for nearly 2yrs to get this far and along the way I have lost faith in everyone I have dealt with....balls have been dropped left, right and centre and I have had to take the lead every step of the way, despite not understanding the system myself. I've had to threaten formal complaints on account of incompetence and inaction to make any progress, so suffice to say that I don't feel I have the professionals on side. As a result I feel totally out of my depth and I'm so nervous that if the mtg on Tuesday doesn't yield 'the right result' then I will have screwed things up for DS. Bit of background - DS has just turned 8 and started in Yr 4. My initial concerns were fobbed off by school on account of him being a "young, summer boy" and very different to his sister but finally, 2yrs ago, they agreed intervention was necessary. We've subsequently had an Ed Psych assessment and a referral to a Community Paed but the process has been so elongated and disjointed that I'm no further forwards, hence my insistence that we all come together to agree a way forwards. Things have become much tougher over the last c18m and ultimately I am desperate for some help as I know DS is unhappy and his needs (whatever they may be) are not being met. I feel as though I'm failing as a parent & the impact on my other 2 DC's is increasing. The Ed Psych has declared DS 'gifted & talented' (despite him being almost bottom of the class in everything)& has said that he has a processing problem of some kind, as well as some social difficulties, but she doesn't think it is ASD. She thinks the behavioural difficulties are as a result of frustration because he is so clever but cannot apply himself and she's also suggested 'middle-child syndrome' which upset & offended me, given we've had problems for 6+ yrs and has only been a middle child for 2yrs!!! The Comm Paed thinks there ARE red flags suggesting ASD and at her suggestion I have been attending a support group for parents of children on the spectrum. I'm increasingly confident that a diagnosis of ASD would be relevant. School are positive he has special needs & over the last 2yrs they have mentioned dyspraxia, ADD & ADHD but they are sitting on the fence re: ASD. The only diagnosis DS currently has is for dyslexia. I have done lots of research and my gut instinct says DS has ADHD & ASD so I feel I should push for a diagnosis on Tuesday, but what do I know?! The professionals can't agree themselves so what chance do I have of getting it right? I'm just a mum with a beautiful boy who seems to be on a different page and who isn't as happy as I think he should be, or could be. He is becoming increasingly alienated at school and I don't think it's a co-incidence that his only friend has a brother who is on the spectrum...he seems to be the only child who 'gets' him and who is patient and kind enough to see beyond the behaviour that is obviously off-putting for everyone else. I'd be so grateful for any words of wisdom or advice - so sorry for such a long post. TIA.

Are you taking your DH/DP with you? If not, can you get a friend to go with you - they can take your own minutes for you, provide moral support and watch the professionals body language for you. It is always a good idea to get another person to take minutes of a meeting for you - type them up and circulate asap after the meeting, asking for any comments in disagreement and you will assume your minutes are accepted after 10 working days. Officialdom usually produce minutes of meetings, but they can be skewed to fit their own agenda; omit important comments by the parents or tell outright lies. At least, if you have produced your own at the same time, these can be submitted later at a Tribunal or JR to counter their "evidence".

As for the professionals, its also a case of who is qualified to diagnose what? AFAIK, educational psychologists can't diagnose ASD - that would be down to a consultant child psychiatrist, or a consultant paediatrician or some specialist ASD SLTs. I would try to pin the ed psy down though, as to what kind of processing difficulty she thinks he has?

Has he been assessed by a SLT and OT? An OT could diagnose dyspraxia, and the SLT could look at auditory/phonological processing problems - does he just have dyslexia; or are there subtle language problems too?

Whatever happens on Tuesday, you won't have screwed things up for DS - its an ongoing process until he leaves school/college. It sounds to me like he needs more multi-disciplinary assessment, rather the school guessing that he might have ADHD, dyspraxia or even ASD. They are not qualified to diagnose anything. You all need to come up with a plan for the way forward, to find out what special needs he has, and what interim support can be provided in the meantime, while your long term aim should be to try and get an EHC plan for him, if your gut instincts are right. (What help is he getting for the dyslexia for instance?

Thanks so much, Tempe48, much appreciated - some really good advice. Yes, DH is coming with me. I've spent time today looking through emails to / from school over the last 12+m and I really have no idea what help DS is getting!! All seems very wooly to me so I will ask for clarification on Tuesday. Thanks again.