Hi all I know that many of you are experienced in this minefield and I'm really in need of some moral support and good advice.
I've posted on this before but this time I've name changed for various reasons. Apologies if it's familiar.
I have a DS who has just started year 5. He has a dx of 'high functioning ASD'. He's in ms school, statemented with 20 hrs 1:1 support a week. His school is very high achieving - I get the impression they don't really want him there, inclusive because they have to be. He never gets picked for anything, no certificates, no teams etc his confidence is at rock bottom. He has a couple of friends but he never sees them outside school, no play dates, no sleepovers, no parties etc. he's a very shy boy, extremely kind. Very into his obsessions. He knows of his ASD and is trying so hard to fit in especially at school but basically they don't give a toss. I've tried to talk to them - at length, several times, teacher, SENCO, His teacher simply said 'we will not treat him differently' but he is!!, they just don't 'get him' for example- because of their very strict approach he refuses any food remotely unhealthy - quizzing me on the calories and salt content of certain food (at 9) all because of schools attitude to healthy eating. I've even caught him trying to make himself vomit to 'get rid of the food' as he put it - FFS, absolutely true! Of course healthy eating is great but DS takes it literally. There have been various incidents of bullying - been told by school to be careful when I use the 'B word'. They've refused to believe DS and convinced me he was lying. On two occassions, I've witnessed incidents outside school with the so called bully's. I've reported them to school and only then have they acted. Anyway, he's started back, one day in and he was pacing the lounge last night at 10pm flapping about his reading record etc. I just can't take much more of this :( it feels like school feel he's not worth it.
Outside school, he's fine. I'm used to his ASD so it doesn't bother me. He has swimming lessons, martial arts, tennis, athletics. He's fine in these activities. You would never know there was anything 'different' about him.
My dd is 5 and she started reception last year. She hated the school and I managed to move her to a nearby school. She's been much happier since I moved her.
Obviously I want to move him but DS doesn't want to. Neither does DH who thinks it would be very hard to move him at this stage and for him to be able to make friends, especially given his ASD. I am worried about this too.
My relative has a child in my dds new school. If I moved DS they would be in the same year. I get the impression that my relative doesn't want my DS there - I don't know why, perhaps I'm paranoid? DS can appear to act oddly sometimes, perhaps they are embarrassed of him? Perhaps I'm just overthinking it?
Sorry about the length of this post - I'm really struggling - DH works long hours, my mum died years ago and my in laws don't really see my kids. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, I was even suicidal. So I'm now on antidepressants. I know that my judgement isn't always accurate. I just want to do the right thing for my DS. I don't know what to do :( I'm so worried about the effects of all this on his mental health ...