ds3 was referred to a paed today -mixed feelings :-(

[QueenEagle]

ds3 (speech delay, poss selective mutism) saw his SALT today. I had long chat alone with her before he came in the room. Explained how he had regressed with speech, refusing to speak to p/g teachers, soiling and wetting himslef several times per day. temper tantrums through the roof.

The not speaking is common - he has always refused to speak with any other adults inc family and the prospect of speaking to others clearly causes him much anxiety. Chats away non-stop at home quite freely though and is otherwise a very happy little boy (well he's not atm but that's due to restarting p/g after the lond summer break).

SALT is referring him to a paed at the hospital as she suspects some of his beahaviour may be attention seeking and a way for him to have some control. With a view to some possible psych intervention, depending on their conclusions.

She is also to recommend that he has a statement in place for his speech/communication problems in time for him starting school next Easter. I feel relieved at this beacuase it will obviously give him the extra support that he is liekly to need, but at the same time I just want him to be normal like every other child iyswim?

I have posted a bit about this recently as I am finding it a bit hard and emotional with him being like this atm.

What can I expect with the paed, anyone know? Staementing IS the right thing isn't it? I know it is really, just need some reassurance right now. Also was wondering ewhether it would be a good idea to apply for DLA for him - is he too young at 3.8?

bumping with the hope anyone who saw my previous threads will have some idea

QueenEagle-I read your other thread.My ds 5 has selective mutism and a speech delay.

I applied for DLA when my ds was 4.5,you can also apply for carers allowance.

My ds's school is now recommeding we apply for a statement for ds but not sure if it is the right thing,so will watch this thread with interest.

My ds's paed is brilliant.She just talks through any issues we have concerning ds.Potty training problems,behavoiurs etc.

The paed should be a good step forward for you.
Hope it all goes well,let us know how you get on.

Thanks tiptoes.

I am told getting a statement is very difficult these days and professionals don't like to "label" kids. However, without a "label" they can't be statemented or treated - what a joke!

Will apply for dla though and see how it goes.

I keep wanting to understand why he is like he is. SALT told me to forget that and just deal with him as he is iyswim. I know she is right but I can't help wondering about his birth and the cord round his neck - enough to panic the mw's into calling for rescus when his heart rate was dipping to 40 per minute, even though he didn't actually need it in the end, thank god.

It prob has nothing to do with it at all, bloody daft how this is going thru my head atm.

I think your HV is right, sometimes is not worth it to try to find the cause as you are very likely not to be able to do anything about it. [says Chandra who spent a year of her life scratching her head about the origins of her DS allergies].

I really don't know much about selective mutism, but, if it helps, I was born with the cord around my neck and... although I have always been a bit shy, talking has never been a problem.

QE

Re the Statement I would advise you to apply for it yourself as the parents asap. You can do this as the parents and there's nothing to stop you writing to the LEA. The initial request doesn't necessarily need to come from school or any other professional. Statements can take six months to set up; it is by no means a short process. IPSEA are very good and can help you through the process - www.ipsea.org.uk. Would strongly suggest you read this website.

It is "easier" to get such support in place earlier than later when the child starts school. Also a statement is legally binding and a well written statement will help your son in school. You'll know he'll be getting a set number of hours of support per week - more than on something like School Action Plus for instance (which is not legally binding).

It can be difficult getting a statement but its not impossible. Also you're not going to know if its possible unless you try and apply for it yourselves.

I know what you mean when you write that you want to know why your son is like this. As hard as that is to do don't torture yourself any more. Its not your "fault" that this has happened; nature loves diversity, people hate it. I write that as well as someone who would dearly love to know the cause/s of my son's delay but it cannot be determined and I can't be at war with myself any more.

QE I had the same question aboiut DLA with dd1 when she was 4. I was told then that if your child needs more care than an "average" child you can apply right from birth. Go for it but look into your local welfare rights service for help to fill in the forms. They know the system inside out and can word things so you get the maximum benefits. HTH

Queeneagle-Re the DLA.The form is quite detailed as you would expect and I was advised when filling it in to describe any extreme days that you may have.The SALT will be asked to provide a report as well and sign the documents .Ours was very supportive with this and put down all her recommendations.

My ds still has problems with toilet training and i read somewhere that this can be the case with SM.Also the temper tantrums my ds has are sometimes very extreme and i think they stem from total frustration.he has been at school all day not talking and as soon as he gets home he explodes.Not always but the smallest of things can upset him and I imagine how hard it must be for him not talking all day and wanting to but feeling so anxious that he can't.

I went through the why is my ds like this it's not fair.I did all the right things when pregnant etc.But you can't keep beating yourself up about this,although i know how hard it is to just let go and accept it.

As far as attention seeking tantrums go my ds does seem to play up when i am busy doing something and he just can't wait for me to finish so will do something naughty.But is'nt that just children in general,no patience.
Ironically children with SM hate being the centre of attention as it heightens their anxiety but obviously in the home where they are secure and confident I feel my ds is probably just being himself.

Sorry I have run on,hope you get some support soon.
If it's any consolation my ds after starting sliding in came on leaps and bounds.Hs speech is sometimes still distorted and has problems with words starting with TR and S and J,but the speech therapist is working on that and he is getting better each day.

Thank you all for your replies. You would think I should be used to this wouldn't you? dd has been on dla for a few years but her needs were very specific and clear (kidney, bladder probs requireing catherisation). ds2 had a statement in place for when he started part time school (luckily our ctahcment school is the specialist school for language disorders). Eight years ago, however, getting a statement was much simpler and easier.

ds3's needs appear to be more complex. me and dh are wondering whether there could possibly be a link to dd and her incontinence problems and also to ds2's speech problems. Although they are half siblings to ds3, it wouldn't be impossible. I didn't have the bahavioural (sp?) problems though with ds2 as I do with ds3.

It's his anxiety which I find upsetting and refusal to speak to other adults. This together with the toileting probs and the tantrums makes life very hard going at times.

I will speak with the senior SALT lady and see if she will set the statementing process off, if she says she will think about it, I will do it myself on Monday. Thank you for all your posts, I really am finding your input very helpful.