question about the behaviour of a boy in ds's cub pack

[StitchtheCrafter]

ds1 went camping over the weekend. he came back with all his simpsons comics torn up. apparently a boy came into his tent and started tearing them up. worried that someone was bullying him making fun of him etc, i asked if he told the cub leaders. his answer worried me. one he said, the leaders said they dont care, and two he said it was child X, who has problems and doesnt know any better. he used the term special needs. and said he didnt mind because of this
my question is this. even if a child has problems, should they be excused bad behaviour? i am assuming that if the child is able enough to go camping like this without his parents, then he is able to know he shouldnt be destroying other peoples stuff.
also worrying is that the other children let him get away with it.
should i speak to the pack leaders about this? or let it go?

I would definately speak to the pack leader mainly because, as you say, if he is able enough to go on a trip without parents/close supervision he should be treated the same as anyone else. Also even if the leaders didn't say they didn't care the children have got the impression that they don't from somewhere.
Your son and his friends should be able to enjoy a camping trip or any activity without have to worry if their possessions are going to be ruined.
When you speak to them you could always say something like, "you probably don't know what happened on the camping trip but ......" IFSWIM

I'm not sure he should be treated the same as everyone else, he needs to be treated in a way that he'll understand. Of course he should have been reprimanded in some way, and he has to learn not to destroy possessions (sounds like ADHD, or another condition with compulsive behaviour). In this case he couldn;t be delat with as the leaders didn't know.

I would mention it to the leaders so they know, and I would encourage your son to tell them (or you) if this sort of situation arises again. It is lovely that your son has some understanding of SN though (in that he understands that some children act compulsively and find it hard to always control their actions).

BTW he may know that he shouldn't destroy other people's stuff logically, that doesn't mean he can control an impulsive behaviour. Or that he understands in the way a neuortypical child does (weill depend on the individual child and his SN). This sort of mindless destruction can be very very difficult to deal with (in terms of stopping it). It is very typical of ADHD (and autism as well).

he may need to be treated differently if he has SN, but then thats the leaders fault I think

More should have been arranged so he had extra care/people keeping an eye on him

Should they be excused bad behaviour? Depends what you mean by excused. Allowed to get off scott free? Of course not; this child needs to learn to the best of his ability that it is unacceptable to destroy other peoples property. But if you mean should they be extended more tolerance than another child (ie be allowed to push further before being removed from the pack, say) then yes I thik they should be also. It's a hard balance to make- one I fall down on daily I expect.

I would speak to the Pack Leaders. As an ex Rainbow Leader, we had disability contacts within each County who could be contacted, and there should be training available.

I would not be happy if it happened agin HOWEVER you culd also look on it as a chance for your son to learn tolerance (sounds like he has it in spades, lovely kid) and leave it like that, bar for the chat.

Your ds sounds lovely. It's nice to hear that he is so understanding of SN.

Without knowing what the boy's SNs are it's hard to say whether his behaviour should be "excused". If you are looking for someone to blame then it might be an idea to speak to the pack leaders about your concerns. Presumably they should have been supervising the other boy.

thank you all for your lovely messages. i often forget ds's lovely traits, concentrating just on the bad ones, and its heartwwarming to be reminded of them.
im not looking for someone to blame. i didnt know ds had taken all his simpsons comics with him, and was more annoyed that he had taken them as i would have expected something to happen to them. first time ds went camping, he lost all his stuff, im just glad he didnt sneak his psp in iyswim. gosh,m there i am again, concentrating on his annoying habits.
i will speak to the cub leaders .

to me it sounds like the cub leaders need some training.
your son sounds lovely.